Life in General
I don't know. I feel strange. I am not sad. I just think. I am so different than who I was several years ago.
I used to be so caring. So....I don't know. I got jaded and harded by the world I suppose.
Anyways. I found a new band. I like it. Its with the old pistol grip guitarist. Its fun. I just got back from practice. I am always so busy nowadays. Finishing up film school and my AA in french.
As far as Liz, well We hunout about 3 times in that first week. Then I saw her saturday the 17th. We went to a punk show in Long beach with my friend alfred. Her and I did not really hang out at all during the show even though I paid for everyone to get in and for booze. guys were buying her drinks part of the night. I was ok with that. I didn't really care.
I have at her request kept myself guarded. I should be thankful. She is just not ready for another relationship. It is so hard to find people that are not just getting over someone. I hate that. I have never been in a relationship were either the other person or myself was not on a rebound. The last two used me as a rebound. I used Renee and Jaymeeh was rebounding when I met her.
It sux.
I cannot wait to turn 30.
I went to the varukers show in Pomona. I partied with them at the bar on the corner until 2:30 am. I was hammered then drove all the way to Torrance. NOT GOOD. I met some people outside that gave me water and helped me sober up. A little.
I was drunk when I awoke. I went for a 3 mile run the next morning and got sober. Then went to get my Haircut LOVE it. They gave me 4 beers at the saloon. Then Liz Calleed me and I had half a bottle of Rum at her place before My other friend Alfred picked us up. We went to the Varukers show in Long Beach and I got SUPER Drunk. on the way my guitarist called and mentioned an after party after some art show. I must have been super wasted because for some reason I thought it was at his house but it was at his work Alfred took me and I showed up all hammered thinking there was a party there but there wasnt'. I bought a 6 pack on the way. I was also being onry with liz for some reason in the car. I get like that when I drink.
It was just my guitarist and his GF at his place. Then Liz and Alfred left without even getting out of the car. I had a few beers with justin. I think I told them shit about myself I REALLY should NOT have told them. Nothing mean, just shit about myself. I was just so hammered. I think it scared his Gf. I think it was cause I was pissed at liz for some reason so I showed up in strange mood. I cannot remember exactly what I told them but I think it was a little bit about my history. Things I should have kept buried. Anyway. Now I feel like Justin's GF IE my singer is scared of me or somthing. I crashed the nite there and alfred came and got me in the morning even though liz said she would. My car was at liz's I got it ate In N out. Took a nap went back to practice at Justin's and went home.
I did not sleep a wink that night. I have not had booze since. Its been 3 days and I finally feel somewhat recovered.
I think I may have even divulged info about my break up with Jennifer which was just fucking embarassing. I am not sure and they have not said anything about that night. I remember a few things I mentioned but then.... I cannot remember passing out on his futon or how long we were up talking. I am not sure what I said.
It feels good to jam in a band again. I just don't want to fuck this up. I am well....I don't know. That break up with Jenn was really hard. Even though it was only 7 months from OCt 08 to May 09 It was very VERY hard. SHe just threw me away like a peice of trash. Thats what I felt. I wanted to die at the time. I have not even gone back and read that post that I never made public.
I have friends but.... I just don't know. I am becoming an abrasive callous person. I think I will not drink until my new bands halloween party. I am excited. I cannot wait to play a show again.
I just need to stop drinking. COmpletely. Forever. Its hard. Liz told meI was the most mentally strong person she had ever met and that she could not even begin to fathom what it must be life to go through life without parents or some sort of emotional support. SHe asked how I cope with things when they get tough and I said I have always muscled my way through on my own.
She said that was the most manly thing about it. It felt good to hear that since Jenn called me weak before we broke up.
I used to be so caring. So....I don't know. I got jaded and harded by the world I suppose.
Anyways. I found a new band. I like it. Its with the old pistol grip guitarist. Its fun. I just got back from practice. I am always so busy nowadays. Finishing up film school and my AA in french.
As far as Liz, well We hunout about 3 times in that first week. Then I saw her saturday the 17th. We went to a punk show in Long beach with my friend alfred. Her and I did not really hang out at all during the show even though I paid for everyone to get in and for booze. guys were buying her drinks part of the night. I was ok with that. I didn't really care.
I have at her request kept myself guarded. I should be thankful. She is just not ready for another relationship. It is so hard to find people that are not just getting over someone. I hate that. I have never been in a relationship were either the other person or myself was not on a rebound. The last two used me as a rebound. I used Renee and Jaymeeh was rebounding when I met her.
It sux.
I cannot wait to turn 30.
I went to the varukers show in Pomona. I partied with them at the bar on the corner until 2:30 am. I was hammered then drove all the way to Torrance. NOT GOOD. I met some people outside that gave me water and helped me sober up. A little.
I was drunk when I awoke. I went for a 3 mile run the next morning and got sober. Then went to get my Haircut LOVE it. They gave me 4 beers at the saloon. Then Liz Calleed me and I had half a bottle of Rum at her place before My other friend Alfred picked us up. We went to the Varukers show in Long Beach and I got SUPER Drunk. on the way my guitarist called and mentioned an after party after some art show. I must have been super wasted because for some reason I thought it was at his house but it was at his work Alfred took me and I showed up all hammered thinking there was a party there but there wasnt'. I bought a 6 pack on the way. I was also being onry with liz for some reason in the car. I get like that when I drink.
It was just my guitarist and his GF at his place. Then Liz and Alfred left without even getting out of the car. I had a few beers with justin. I think I told them shit about myself I REALLY should NOT have told them. Nothing mean, just shit about myself. I was just so hammered. I think it scared his Gf. I think it was cause I was pissed at liz for some reason so I showed up in strange mood. I cannot remember exactly what I told them but I think it was a little bit about my history. Things I should have kept buried. Anyway. Now I feel like Justin's GF IE my singer is scared of me or somthing. I crashed the nite there and alfred came and got me in the morning even though liz said she would. My car was at liz's I got it ate In N out. Took a nap went back to practice at Justin's and went home.
I did not sleep a wink that night. I have not had booze since. Its been 3 days and I finally feel somewhat recovered.
I think I may have even divulged info about my break up with Jennifer which was just fucking embarassing. I am not sure and they have not said anything about that night. I remember a few things I mentioned but then.... I cannot remember passing out on his futon or how long we were up talking. I am not sure what I said.
It feels good to jam in a band again. I just don't want to fuck this up. I am well....I don't know. That break up with Jenn was really hard. Even though it was only 7 months from OCt 08 to May 09 It was very VERY hard. SHe just threw me away like a peice of trash. Thats what I felt. I wanted to die at the time. I have not even gone back and read that post that I never made public.
I have friends but.... I just don't know. I am becoming an abrasive callous person. I think I will not drink until my new bands halloween party. I am excited. I cannot wait to play a show again.
I just need to stop drinking. COmpletely. Forever. Its hard. Liz told meI was the most mentally strong person she had ever met and that she could not even begin to fathom what it must be life to go through life without parents or some sort of emotional support. SHe asked how I cope with things when they get tough and I said I have always muscled my way through on my own.
She said that was the most manly thing about it. It felt good to hear that since Jenn called me weak before we broke up.