(quotethis_muses) "There's a pattern in the system. There’s a bullet in the gun."
Wait a minute… >> Pope Alexander VI's last words
He doesn't take her for granted. God knows he knows better than that. He thinks of her a lot at night. When he wants to be warm. When he wants to be protected and held. When he wants someone that wants him. When he wants his big sister. The only big sister he's ever had. And there is safety in that.
But he doesn't go home to her. Not yet. For now he waits. Ass planted on the ground right outside the door. Every now and then he moves. He's changed his clothes. Washed the blood away. He drinks water and takes his pills every six hours the way he'd supposed to. Eats sometimes. X5s are about as tough as they come. At least still being mortal.
He waits.
He waits for Sam. That's gonna be a long one, but you never leave a brother behind. It's a good way to loose them. And he promised he would stick with them both. He promised. And he meant it. He would wait until he knew he shouldn't anymore. Even if he had actually had to resort to chewing gum, which creeped him out. Especially since he couldn't smell anything past it. But that was the point. He hated it. He hated so much sitting there. Gravel in his palms against the ground. He had time to hate.
Sometimes he'd shiver. Sometimes he would think that this was a day he missed Manticore. Sometimes he just missed his family. Sometimes he wishes he were dead. Sometime he knows it would upset people. All time is sometimes now.
He waits.
He waits for Ruby. He waits to smell the scent of his wife under the scent of not-Dean. He spits out the gum when she's around him. He twists his wedding ring when she isn't. He remember that John did the same. Now he knows why.
He's glad she comes out. Glad she remembers him. That she lets him care. Her hand is cold in his and he's cold with out her. He gladly accepts what he can get. Sometimes he resents Sam taking Ruby away from him. She's his friggen wife. But then he remembers, because he always remembers, that she was Sam's demon before she was his wife.
He remembers what Sam has lost. That Sam doesn't have room to care about him. And what that sort of loss feels like. He doesn't appreciate the practice. Call him ungrateful. He figures he doesn't have room to bitch. He asked for this when he picked up the phone nearly a year ago and turned their lived upside down. He figures maybe he took more than he gave. He took John from them. Again. And he took their time, when they had so little left together.
He wasn't stupid. There are always consequences when you stick your nose in where it doesn't belong. Nothing is for free. It's not that any one means to make him pay. But they will. Love fucking hurts. You get out of it what you put in, and the more you put in the more of yourself you loose when that person leaves.
Maybe he doesn't go home because he's afraid. It's irrational, he knows. He's feeling pretty fucked up lately, when he's feeling at all. He and Ally pay the price back and forth. In pennies and dimes. In lame jokes and stiff drinks. He's lost the woman he loves before. He's lost brothers before. But he's never lost a big sister. So he wants her clear of this.
He wasn't stupid. In fact he was pretty perceptive. There was one more bullet in the chamber.
And friendly fire isn't.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 613
Open to RP
He doesn't take her for granted. God knows he knows better than that. He thinks of her a lot at night. When he wants to be warm. When he wants to be protected and held. When he wants someone that wants him. When he wants his big sister. The only big sister he's ever had. And there is safety in that.
But he doesn't go home to her. Not yet. For now he waits. Ass planted on the ground right outside the door. Every now and then he moves. He's changed his clothes. Washed the blood away. He drinks water and takes his pills every six hours the way he'd supposed to. Eats sometimes. X5s are about as tough as they come. At least still being mortal.
He waits.
He waits for Sam. That's gonna be a long one, but you never leave a brother behind. It's a good way to loose them. And he promised he would stick with them both. He promised. And he meant it. He would wait until he knew he shouldn't anymore. Even if he had actually had to resort to chewing gum, which creeped him out. Especially since he couldn't smell anything past it. But that was the point. He hated it. He hated so much sitting there. Gravel in his palms against the ground. He had time to hate.
Sometimes he'd shiver. Sometimes he would think that this was a day he missed Manticore. Sometimes he just missed his family. Sometimes he wishes he were dead. Sometime he knows it would upset people. All time is sometimes now.
He waits.
He waits for Ruby. He waits to smell the scent of his wife under the scent of not-Dean. He spits out the gum when she's around him. He twists his wedding ring when she isn't. He remember that John did the same. Now he knows why.
He's glad she comes out. Glad she remembers him. That she lets him care. Her hand is cold in his and he's cold with out her. He gladly accepts what he can get. Sometimes he resents Sam taking Ruby away from him. She's his friggen wife. But then he remembers, because he always remembers, that she was Sam's demon before she was his wife.
He remembers what Sam has lost. That Sam doesn't have room to care about him. And what that sort of loss feels like. He doesn't appreciate the practice. Call him ungrateful. He figures he doesn't have room to bitch. He asked for this when he picked up the phone nearly a year ago and turned their lived upside down. He figures maybe he took more than he gave. He took John from them. Again. And he took their time, when they had so little left together.
He wasn't stupid. There are always consequences when you stick your nose in where it doesn't belong. Nothing is for free. It's not that any one means to make him pay. But they will. Love fucking hurts. You get out of it what you put in, and the more you put in the more of yourself you loose when that person leaves.
Maybe he doesn't go home because he's afraid. It's irrational, he knows. He's feeling pretty fucked up lately, when he's feeling at all. He and Ally pay the price back and forth. In pennies and dimes. In lame jokes and stiff drinks. He's lost the woman he loves before. He's lost brothers before. But he's never lost a big sister. So he wants her clear of this.
He wasn't stupid. In fact he was pretty perceptive. There was one more bullet in the chamber.
And friendly fire isn't.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 613
Open to RP