mind_the_muse " Bye bye baby. Don't be long. I'll worry about you while you're gone."
Eternity
He is caught. Between above an below. Which ever way he chooses it will be Heaven and Hell. If he goes up, which is a dubious bet at best, given his behavior, there are siblings waiting. Who were his first memories and his shelter and protectors when there was nothing to hold on to. A mother he never met, never had a chance to. She was gone before he was even born. A father who was maybe his for his whole life, like his mother, but was only able to act on it for a year or so. Only given the title after he wasn't here to hear it.
Someday a sister who was the only mother he'd ever known. Two little boys who he would raise as his own, reminding them every day that they weren't his, but he'd have been proud if they were. A brother who had already lost so much and let him fill some of the empty space, even if he wasn't the right shape to fill it. A little sister that should have had someone looking out for her for years, but learned to look after herself.
It seemed so easy. All that against two people. He didn't love them any more or less than the others. He was one of those people that was skittishly cautious. Like a feral cat. But when he finally let someone close he gave them everything he had.
Those people he would leave. That hurt. Hard and deep. Because they would have no one. A wife who is a survivor. He knows she is. He knows he isn't her first. Love or lover, or even partner. He might be her first student, but he doubts that to. She wasn't even his first love. But she was here and real, and visceral. And she loved him. She wouldn't be going to Heaven. He would die and she'd be alone again until someone else looked into her black eyes and saw something amazing. He could keep that from happening. He knew better than to promise forever, but he wanted to.
Then there was a brother. Who was a survivor, but he wasn't sure he would this time. Because he wasn't a loner. That wasn't how he was made. Wasn't how he grew up. Oh he talked the talk and swaggered the walk but it wasn't in his eyes. He would be left alone eventually because he wouldn't allow it to be any other way. Because he was a protector, he was a brother and a father. It was what he did. Then he would be alone. He would have given everything and be left with nothing. And he wouldn't say a damned word about it.
There he stood, between the two. It would hurt either way. That awful kind that left empty places and open wounds. He was used to it though. He didn't want those hurts soothed. The were part of him. Some days he thought if he didn't hurt maybe he was dead. He didn't know what to do, stuck in the middle. Between above and below. Between self preservation and the need to do the most good he could. To be where he was most needed.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 539
Open to RP
He is caught. Between above an below. Which ever way he chooses it will be Heaven and Hell. If he goes up, which is a dubious bet at best, given his behavior, there are siblings waiting. Who were his first memories and his shelter and protectors when there was nothing to hold on to. A mother he never met, never had a chance to. She was gone before he was even born. A father who was maybe his for his whole life, like his mother, but was only able to act on it for a year or so. Only given the title after he wasn't here to hear it.
Someday a sister who was the only mother he'd ever known. Two little boys who he would raise as his own, reminding them every day that they weren't his, but he'd have been proud if they were. A brother who had already lost so much and let him fill some of the empty space, even if he wasn't the right shape to fill it. A little sister that should have had someone looking out for her for years, but learned to look after herself.
It seemed so easy. All that against two people. He didn't love them any more or less than the others. He was one of those people that was skittishly cautious. Like a feral cat. But when he finally let someone close he gave them everything he had.
Those people he would leave. That hurt. Hard and deep. Because they would have no one. A wife who is a survivor. He knows she is. He knows he isn't her first. Love or lover, or even partner. He might be her first student, but he doubts that to. She wasn't even his first love. But she was here and real, and visceral. And she loved him. She wouldn't be going to Heaven. He would die and she'd be alone again until someone else looked into her black eyes and saw something amazing. He could keep that from happening. He knew better than to promise forever, but he wanted to.
Then there was a brother. Who was a survivor, but he wasn't sure he would this time. Because he wasn't a loner. That wasn't how he was made. Wasn't how he grew up. Oh he talked the talk and swaggered the walk but it wasn't in his eyes. He would be left alone eventually because he wouldn't allow it to be any other way. Because he was a protector, he was a brother and a father. It was what he did. Then he would be alone. He would have given everything and be left with nothing. And he wouldn't say a damned word about it.
There he stood, between the two. It would hurt either way. That awful kind that left empty places and open wounds. He was used to it though. He didn't want those hurts soothed. The were part of him. Some days he thought if he didn't hurt maybe he was dead. He didn't know what to do, stuck in the middle. Between above and below. Between self preservation and the need to do the most good he could. To be where he was most needed.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 539
Open to RP