muse_diaries "Heard it on the wings that you're going to die" (Open/Unlocked.)
You know what?
I'm not doing this.
I am not fucking doing this.
Lets take an inventory shall we? (Yeah, I like short sentences. Shut the fuck up about it)
Drez: Way to go me. I'll take the blame on that one. I made the choice. I called the night guard. Unit leader swings into action, murdering his sister because he's to fucking stupid to know any better. Go. Me.
Lorn: Shit, I don't know if that was my fault. But he was my brother. And my responsibility. Bad luck I guess. Drez gets the shakes and gets taken away. Lorn gets the shakes and gets taken away. Some one used the word autopsy once. I get the shakes and they dope me up. Where's the fair? Wasn't it my job to protect them? I was third so they die and I live?
Yoana: Yeah, okay this one wasn't my fault. But still down a sister.
Rachel: My fault. And the first person that points out that I refused to detonate the bomb and that my handlers did it instead I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of. Because you know what? It was my fault. If I'd had some fucking discipline and done my God damned job she'd be alive. Not hard. Go in, off some guy named Simon, take his place. Smile pretty. It's part of what I was made for. Charm the girl. Teach her piano. Charm her daddy, take what I need, off the guy. Done deal. But no. I had to go and learn to be Simon. Because there's something wrong in my head. And then? The ultimate stupidity. I fall in love with her. She didn't even like me. She loved Simon. Someone she thought I was. So they killed her. To teach me a lesson I shouldn't have needed.
Biggs: My best friend. My brother. My second. My first memory. And when I say first I mean it. None of your bullshit about when you were two, or four or five. I'm talking days. I have a perfect memory. Some tech was trying to shut me up because I wouldn't stop crying so she put be in with another baby X5. I'm sure she was fired. It was his scent that I remember. Comfort. Safety. He had my back. He took care of me. But I wasn't there when he needed me. He DIED, because I wasn't there for him. We were being hunted down in the streets and I let him go off alone. He was strung up and lynched. Perfect memory. I can't shake the image. I can't drink it away. I can't bang it out. I wasn't there. Nothing left to do but swallow it. No body to even lay to rest. I couldn't even give him that.
CeCe: All I've got left of her is the blood stains on Normal's desk where her body bled out and a brown leather jacket she gave me. It's got a bullet hole now. I didn't think anything could hurt as bad as Biggs leaving me. If Biggs was my right hand, she was my left. Shot down right in front of me. By inches. I was there and I couldn't save her. Joshua brings Gem to me to save her and her baby. I couldn't. It was Normal that did that. All I can do is get my sister killed. It's a pattern. Anyone else noticing it yet?
John: Yeah. Lets talk about John. The only father I've ever had unless you count Colonel Lydecker. How hard is it to check up on some on? Apparently really difficult. Pretty easy to let them die though. He didn't call when he said he would. He didn't call and I let it go for a couple of hours. I let it go. I let him go. If I had just gone after him right away I might have been able to do something besides salt and burn his remains. Score another one for 494. Learn to swallow bitch.
And now? Now I've got Dean. And by proxy Sam. Because he cut a deal for Sam's life. And I don't know how to save him. Or Sam, because only a fucking idiot would think that Sam will stick around long after Dean is gone. I mean, lets face it, my track record is shit. And he doesn't help. He can give up everything for Sam, but no one is ever allowed to give up anything for him. Because, of course, he isn't worth it. Well you know what? If I have to swallow much more I think I might choke on it. I mean, I figure, I'm a cat, I've got a few lives to spare, right? It's not like I'm using them for much right now. What's the worst that could happen? He hates me for deciding he and Sam are worth it? At least he's alive to hate me.
Wow. That was liberating. Cathartic. I feel so much better. Except that I don't. Because I'm weak and bitchy and selfish and a header off the Space Needle is sounding really good. Or maybe a nice Tylenol and Scotch cocktail. Because what is there to do besides swallow?
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Open to RP
I'm not doing this.
I am not fucking doing this.
Lets take an inventory shall we? (Yeah, I like short sentences. Shut the fuck up about it)
Drez: Way to go me. I'll take the blame on that one. I made the choice. I called the night guard. Unit leader swings into action, murdering his sister because he's to fucking stupid to know any better. Go. Me.
Lorn: Shit, I don't know if that was my fault. But he was my brother. And my responsibility. Bad luck I guess. Drez gets the shakes and gets taken away. Lorn gets the shakes and gets taken away. Some one used the word autopsy once. I get the shakes and they dope me up. Where's the fair? Wasn't it my job to protect them? I was third so they die and I live?
Yoana: Yeah, okay this one wasn't my fault. But still down a sister.
Rachel: My fault. And the first person that points out that I refused to detonate the bomb and that my handlers did it instead I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of. Because you know what? It was my fault. If I'd had some fucking discipline and done my God damned job she'd be alive. Not hard. Go in, off some guy named Simon, take his place. Smile pretty. It's part of what I was made for. Charm the girl. Teach her piano. Charm her daddy, take what I need, off the guy. Done deal. But no. I had to go and learn to be Simon. Because there's something wrong in my head. And then? The ultimate stupidity. I fall in love with her. She didn't even like me. She loved Simon. Someone she thought I was. So they killed her. To teach me a lesson I shouldn't have needed.
Biggs: My best friend. My brother. My second. My first memory. And when I say first I mean it. None of your bullshit about when you were two, or four or five. I'm talking days. I have a perfect memory. Some tech was trying to shut me up because I wouldn't stop crying so she put be in with another baby X5. I'm sure she was fired. It was his scent that I remember. Comfort. Safety. He had my back. He took care of me. But I wasn't there when he needed me. He DIED, because I wasn't there for him. We were being hunted down in the streets and I let him go off alone. He was strung up and lynched. Perfect memory. I can't shake the image. I can't drink it away. I can't bang it out. I wasn't there. Nothing left to do but swallow it. No body to even lay to rest. I couldn't even give him that.
CeCe: All I've got left of her is the blood stains on Normal's desk where her body bled out and a brown leather jacket she gave me. It's got a bullet hole now. I didn't think anything could hurt as bad as Biggs leaving me. If Biggs was my right hand, she was my left. Shot down right in front of me. By inches. I was there and I couldn't save her. Joshua brings Gem to me to save her and her baby. I couldn't. It was Normal that did that. All I can do is get my sister killed. It's a pattern. Anyone else noticing it yet?
John: Yeah. Lets talk about John. The only father I've ever had unless you count Colonel Lydecker. How hard is it to check up on some on? Apparently really difficult. Pretty easy to let them die though. He didn't call when he said he would. He didn't call and I let it go for a couple of hours. I let it go. I let him go. If I had just gone after him right away I might have been able to do something besides salt and burn his remains. Score another one for 494. Learn to swallow bitch.
And now? Now I've got Dean. And by proxy Sam. Because he cut a deal for Sam's life. And I don't know how to save him. Or Sam, because only a fucking idiot would think that Sam will stick around long after Dean is gone. I mean, lets face it, my track record is shit. And he doesn't help. He can give up everything for Sam, but no one is ever allowed to give up anything for him. Because, of course, he isn't worth it. Well you know what? If I have to swallow much more I think I might choke on it. I mean, I figure, I'm a cat, I've got a few lives to spare, right? It's not like I'm using them for much right now. What's the worst that could happen? He hates me for deciding he and Sam are worth it? At least he's alive to hate me.
Wow. That was liberating. Cathartic. I feel so much better. Except that I don't. Because I'm weak and bitchy and selfish and a header off the Space Needle is sounding really good. Or maybe a nice Tylenol and Scotch cocktail. Because what is there to do besides swallow?
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Open to RP