Feck it in the Oven Kitchens, Episode eleventy-pi
Sadly, everything went right with the recipe, today and it was ready right on time. The rice that went with it wasn't even burned. I had to make several substitutions: All of them worked fine! I know, I know, you're all disappointed, I have no idea if it'll be at all up to my usual standards of humour either. No centigoats, smoke alarms, or measuring length in cubits, I'm afraid. It is, however, maybe the second recipe I've done that doesn't come from the Six Ingredients or Less Cookbook. You can tell by the fact there's more than six ingredients!
Poorly-Named Pork Chops*
* - the original author, Carolyn Huddlestun, called them Tasty Pork Chops. Frankly, I find that an utterly useless name for a dish in your cookbook. Compared to what, the Nauseating Pork Chops on page seven? C'mon. All the same, I have no idea what to call them besides Orange-Soy-Vinegar-Brown-Sugar-Pork-Chops, and that's a little much.
Ingredients:
Step One: Chop onion
I don't care what any recipe says. This is step one, goddamnit. If you say "1/2 cup of chopped onion", somewhere in the process, an onion has to be chopped. Better now than later! Personally, I split the onion in half and do radial cuts, then chop. I tried doing the whole vertical/horizontal cuts thing, that was just crazymaking for no better result. Also, in an update to previous FiitOK indications, I no longer use the "be a man" method to avoid tearing up while chopping. Nowadays, I burn a candle somewhere near the cutting board, which works pretty well.
Step Two: Wet mix
Get a bowl. Not a particularly big bowl. Not a mixing bowl. Just a bowl.
Pour in the orange juice and regular old soy sauce, because goddamnit, enough of this low sodium shit(Substitution 1). I also used at least twice as much soy sauce as the recipe called for, myself, because, seriously, half a bloody teaspoon? Into half a cup of OJ?
Add in the cider vinegar - or, if you're like me, add in red wine vinegar(Substitution 2) because you don't have cider vinegar and can't be arsed to walk to the store for it.
Now you can mix in the brown sugar - I used a more generous tablespoon to cut the vinegar, because, as is well documented, I like things sweet. Set that aside for later, next to the onion you chopped.
You did chop the onion, right? I devoted a whole step to it.
Step Three: Cook your pork
In a large skillet, brown both sides of your boneless pork chops(Substitution 3) in your olive oil(Substitution 4). After that, cook through for about ten minutes. If you've got one of them thar fancy meet ther-mometemers, you're aiming for 160F. If you're like me, cook 'em till they seem done, cut one open if you're not sure. Once you are sure, remove them from the pan and keep 'em warm somewhere. It won't be too long, I promise.
Step Four: Engineer your Sauce
That's right. Engineer. It's gruff and manly. Being gruff and manly starts with lightly sauteing your chopped onion (You did chop the damn onion, right?). While you do that is as good a time as any to combine the (preferably warmed) water with your plain old flour(Substitution 5), since you didn't have any corn starch. The sauteing is not exactly resource-intensive, so you can take your time making the mix smooth.
Once the onion is done, pour in your juice mixture from above*, and give it a bit to heat through (For the record, I know all the rest of my measurements are US customary units, but that's a metric bit). Once heated, added in the water and flour mixture, bring to a boil and stir for about 3 minutes, or 'til it's thick enough for you to call it a sauce.
* - Trust me, this works way better than pouring it from below.
Step Five: Put sauce on pork chops.
Jeez, do I have to tell you everything?
Went well with rice and a salad, for the record. For timing purposes, the rice went on during the pork-chop cooking stage. Your mileage may vary.
Poorly-Named Pork Chops*
* - the original author, Carolyn Huddlestun, called them Tasty Pork Chops. Frankly, I find that an utterly useless name for a dish in your cookbook. Compared to what, the Nauseating Pork Chops on page seven? C'mon. All the same, I have no idea what to call them besides Orange-Soy-Vinegar-Brown-Sugar-Pork-Chops, and that's a little much.
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup orange juice
- 1 tablespoon brown sugar
- 1 tablespoon cider vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon reduced sodium soy sauce
- 2 bone-in pork chops (1/2 inch thick and 6 ounces each)
- 2 teaspoons canola oil
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon pepper
- 1/2 cup chopped onion
- 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
- 1/2 cup water
- A skillet.
- No, that's it.
- Seriously. Just a skillet. Honest.
- Well, OK. Also a spatula and a knife and a whisk and some spoons and containers. Jeez. Picky.
Step One: Chop onion
I don't care what any recipe says. This is step one, goddamnit. If you say "1/2 cup of chopped onion", somewhere in the process, an onion has to be chopped. Better now than later! Personally, I split the onion in half and do radial cuts, then chop. I tried doing the whole vertical/horizontal cuts thing, that was just crazymaking for no better result. Also, in an update to previous FiitOK indications, I no longer use the "be a man" method to avoid tearing up while chopping. Nowadays, I burn a candle somewhere near the cutting board, which works pretty well.
Step Two: Wet mix
Get a bowl. Not a particularly big bowl. Not a mixing bowl. Just a bowl.
Pour in the orange juice and regular old soy sauce, because goddamnit, enough of this low sodium shit(Substitution 1). I also used at least twice as much soy sauce as the recipe called for, myself, because, seriously, half a bloody teaspoon? Into half a cup of OJ?
Add in the cider vinegar - or, if you're like me, add in red wine vinegar(Substitution 2) because you don't have cider vinegar and can't be arsed to walk to the store for it.
Now you can mix in the brown sugar - I used a more generous tablespoon to cut the vinegar, because, as is well documented, I like things sweet. Set that aside for later, next to the onion you chopped.
You did chop the onion, right? I devoted a whole step to it.
Step Three: Cook your pork
In a large skillet, brown both sides of your boneless pork chops(Substitution 3) in your olive oil(Substitution 4). After that, cook through for about ten minutes. If you've got one of them thar fancy meet ther-mometemers, you're aiming for 160F. If you're like me, cook 'em till they seem done, cut one open if you're not sure. Once you are sure, remove them from the pan and keep 'em warm somewhere. It won't be too long, I promise.
Step Four: Engineer your Sauce
That's right. Engineer. It's gruff and manly. Being gruff and manly starts with lightly sauteing your chopped onion (You did chop the damn onion, right?). While you do that is as good a time as any to combine the (preferably warmed) water with your plain old flour(Substitution 5), since you didn't have any corn starch. The sauteing is not exactly resource-intensive, so you can take your time making the mix smooth.
Once the onion is done, pour in your juice mixture from above*, and give it a bit to heat through (For the record, I know all the rest of my measurements are US customary units, but that's a metric bit). Once heated, added in the water and flour mixture, bring to a boil and stir for about 3 minutes, or 'til it's thick enough for you to call it a sauce.
* - Trust me, this works way better than pouring it from below.
Step Five: Put sauce on pork chops.
Jeez, do I have to tell you everything?
Went well with rice and a salad, for the record. For timing purposes, the rice went on during the pork-chop cooking stage. Your mileage may vary.