the thing in the pot
Gather 'round, everyone, for I have a tale to tell.
Lyndsay, whose side of the dorm room has been notoriously messy, had to go home this weekend. Her roommate Brittany decided to take this opportunity to clean up. That's when she discovered a pot full of old, moldy, former noodles. We dubbed this artifact simply, "The Thing in the Pot."
Look at the pot. Just sitting there. Stewing in its evilness.
Britt, before unveiling The Thing in the Pot to me this afternoon.
Yes, that's duct tape around the lid -- anything to contain the smell.
My first look at The Thing in the Pot. Horror!
One thing was for certain. There had to be an intervention. We called upon our resident Jesus lookalike, Mike...
...to interrogate Lyndsay about what she knew of The Thing in the Pot...
...and to read the Ten Commandments of Asbury 225, penned by Kelly.
The Ten Commandments of Asbury 225
1. Thou shall throw away thine own trash.
2. Thou shalt not put thy dirty dishes on the floor.
3. Thou shall wash thy dirty dishes immediately following consumption of said food.
4. If thou dost by chance litter, thy trash shall be kept on thine own side of said dorm room.
5. Thou shalt not have sexual relations whilst thy roommate is present.
6. Thou shall only have sexual relations on thine own bed, or the floor on thy own half of said dorm room.
7. Thou shalt not covet thine upstairs neighbor (Yesus Christo).
8. Thou shall throw thy dirty (or clean if you must) clothes in said hamper.
9. Thou shall wash said clothes on a monthly basis… for starters.
10. Thou shalt NOT eat pasta out of a pot and then leave it to mold on a chair in a pile of rubble anywhere in said dorm room.
Then it was time for Lyndsay to come face to face with the enemy. It wasn't a pretty sight.
Horrified, Lyndsay knew that it had to be destroyed. So she did what any normal person would do -- head to the bathroom with the intent to flush the fucker.
...which didn't work out as well as was hoped, because most of The Thing was very attached to The Pot. With the aid of a few whacks, most of the clump fell out and was flushed away. Only to come back up again. (Thankfully, that part was not documented with my digital camera. Because it was really disgusting.) Eventually Lyndsay managed to get it flushed, and now she has to soak the pot in hopes of getting the remainder of the residue out.
Needless to say, Britt and Lyndsay's room smelled really, really bad after the whole ordeal.
We're going to milk this for all it's worth. Mike will be writing a volume of books about The Thing in the Pot. There will be a made-for-TV movie. And glossy-lensed, tearful Oprah interviews. And let's not forget the merchandise! ("I saw the Thing in the Pot and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.")
Farewell, The Thing in the Pot. We hardly knew ye.
On second thought, we knew ye too well.
Lyndsay, whose side of the dorm room has been notoriously messy, had to go home this weekend. Her roommate Brittany decided to take this opportunity to clean up. That's when she discovered a pot full of old, moldy, former noodles. We dubbed this artifact simply, "The Thing in the Pot."
Look at the pot. Just sitting there. Stewing in its evilness.
Britt, before unveiling The Thing in the Pot to me this afternoon.
Yes, that's duct tape around the lid -- anything to contain the smell.
My first look at The Thing in the Pot. Horror!
One thing was for certain. There had to be an intervention. We called upon our resident Jesus lookalike, Mike...
...to interrogate Lyndsay about what she knew of The Thing in the Pot...
...and to read the Ten Commandments of Asbury 225, penned by Kelly.
The Ten Commandments of Asbury 225
1. Thou shall throw away thine own trash.
2. Thou shalt not put thy dirty dishes on the floor.
3. Thou shall wash thy dirty dishes immediately following consumption of said food.
4. If thou dost by chance litter, thy trash shall be kept on thine own side of said dorm room.
5. Thou shalt not have sexual relations whilst thy roommate is present.
6. Thou shall only have sexual relations on thine own bed, or the floor on thy own half of said dorm room.
7. Thou shalt not covet thine upstairs neighbor (Yesus Christo).
8. Thou shall throw thy dirty (or clean if you must) clothes in said hamper.
9. Thou shall wash said clothes on a monthly basis… for starters.
10. Thou shalt NOT eat pasta out of a pot and then leave it to mold on a chair in a pile of rubble anywhere in said dorm room.
Then it was time for Lyndsay to come face to face with the enemy. It wasn't a pretty sight.
Horrified, Lyndsay knew that it had to be destroyed. So she did what any normal person would do -- head to the bathroom with the intent to flush the fucker.
...which didn't work out as well as was hoped, because most of The Thing was very attached to The Pot. With the aid of a few whacks, most of the clump fell out and was flushed away. Only to come back up again. (Thankfully, that part was not documented with my digital camera. Because it was really disgusting.) Eventually Lyndsay managed to get it flushed, and now she has to soak the pot in hopes of getting the remainder of the residue out.
Needless to say, Britt and Lyndsay's room smelled really, really bad after the whole ordeal.
We're going to milk this for all it's worth. Mike will be writing a volume of books about The Thing in the Pot. There will be a made-for-TV movie. And glossy-lensed, tearful Oprah interviews. And let's not forget the merchandise! ("I saw the Thing in the Pot and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.")
Farewell, The Thing in the Pot. We hardly knew ye.
On second thought, we knew ye too well.