4. autonomy
The band and I have made our way back to the fort in Madison where we'e set up shop and started reworking some of the tracks we had already cut. We're aiming for January 2005, but after setting my hopes so many times I'd rather not rely on that shite.
Things shift and change before you even get a chance to hate or enjoy them. Just last month the guys and I were at each others' throats, banging our heads against walls and each other, but a wee bit of space and we've managed to come back together. It seems a much better place and the atmosphere is not so heavy.
The thing about being in a band is that it's hard work and it's a struggle. Not just the touring and the biz side of it, but the meshing of various individuals into a solid unit. Square pegs, round hole. Because you're so bound together and identified as a unit, you're not really seen as individuals. You're all lumped together under one voice, one name, one label and try as you might you can't break free of that. This leads to frustrated attempts at trying to reclaim one's identity seperate from the others. I sometimes imagine us to be like Siamese Twins. The more you try to forge your own identity the more you come to realise you can never truly break free of the band despite all your valiant attempts. It's like the mafia. You can't get out alive. You never gain the complete autonomy that you seek so desperately. Very, very weird indeed and yet, strangely beautiful, too.
Experiencing so much as a band has led us to forming such a unique bond. We're around each other so much now that it's like family. I almost feel as if I've grown up with these blokes who for most of my life I never knew. You hit the ups and down, you can predict reactions and speak for them before they say a word because you're just there and you just... know. It's almost an extrasensory thing. They have become such a part of me that I breathe them in the same breath as I breathe my own identity. The bond between us is so insanely deep that it's extremely precious and beautiful. Something you can't find elsewhere. I may want to kill them on numerous occasions, but I'd also kill anyone who harmed them.
I attempted to watch the MTV VMA's but I tuned out quite a lot of it due to the sheer perversity and prostitution that was displayed by so-called "talent." I am fucking sick to tears of hearing everyone hit the mic and thank the God Almighty for exhalting them above all others. Do you honestly think GOD is busy selecting one person above all others to catapault into celebrity status? That hypothetically, maybe GOD looked down into Louisiana and thought to itself "Well blow me! There's a nice wee blonde lassie down there who's really very wholesome and cute. So maybe she's NOT the very best singer in the world but oh boy she has a cute pair of hooters and I fancy her real bad so I'm gonna make her a star."
Thought for the day:
"If you're banging your head against a wall and nothing seems to ever change, consider changing your mind."
Things shift and change before you even get a chance to hate or enjoy them. Just last month the guys and I were at each others' throats, banging our heads against walls and each other, but a wee bit of space and we've managed to come back together. It seems a much better place and the atmosphere is not so heavy.
The thing about being in a band is that it's hard work and it's a struggle. Not just the touring and the biz side of it, but the meshing of various individuals into a solid unit. Square pegs, round hole. Because you're so bound together and identified as a unit, you're not really seen as individuals. You're all lumped together under one voice, one name, one label and try as you might you can't break free of that. This leads to frustrated attempts at trying to reclaim one's identity seperate from the others. I sometimes imagine us to be like Siamese Twins. The more you try to forge your own identity the more you come to realise you can never truly break free of the band despite all your valiant attempts. It's like the mafia. You can't get out alive. You never gain the complete autonomy that you seek so desperately. Very, very weird indeed and yet, strangely beautiful, too.
Experiencing so much as a band has led us to forming such a unique bond. We're around each other so much now that it's like family. I almost feel as if I've grown up with these blokes who for most of my life I never knew. You hit the ups and down, you can predict reactions and speak for them before they say a word because you're just there and you just... know. It's almost an extrasensory thing. They have become such a part of me that I breathe them in the same breath as I breathe my own identity. The bond between us is so insanely deep that it's extremely precious and beautiful. Something you can't find elsewhere. I may want to kill them on numerous occasions, but I'd also kill anyone who harmed them.
I attempted to watch the MTV VMA's but I tuned out quite a lot of it due to the sheer perversity and prostitution that was displayed by so-called "talent." I am fucking sick to tears of hearing everyone hit the mic and thank the God Almighty for exhalting them above all others. Do you honestly think GOD is busy selecting one person above all others to catapault into celebrity status? That hypothetically, maybe GOD looked down into Louisiana and thought to itself "Well blow me! There's a nice wee blonde lassie down there who's really very wholesome and cute. So maybe she's NOT the very best singer in the world but oh boy she has a cute pair of hooters and I fancy her real bad so I'm gonna make her a star."
Thought for the day:
"If you're banging your head against a wall and nothing seems to ever change, consider changing your mind."