Who gives a fuck?
OKay so here's the thing:
I still love you babe,
I think about you every day,
and I know you're not mine, but...
I could sure use a friend,
I bet you could too.
What a world this is,
What are we gonna do?
I've successfully been to dundee to get strings and the Ovation sounds B-E-A-UTIFUL again. It's got some really good Elixers on it and the tone is quite sweet. So needless to say: I'm writing songs again. It's a wonderful outlet, though not always a good one (make any sense?) lol.
I haven't much felt like updating lately I guess. But overall, my life is okay. I've got a steady job until I leave for NIU. I've got a ps2(the new, smaller one) a new phone, plenty of IBC, and a guitar with 6 strings. And I'll be leaving for marching band and college in something like 40-41 days. A little more than a month and I'll be a college student. The world sneaks up fast doesn't it? It seems like only yesterday I was getting into fights at CMS. And it seems like only the day before that I was the smartest kid in elementary school. It seems like tomorrow I'm going to be out in the real world. The pressure is fucking with me.
Wanna know why I freaked out so badly when Jamie broke up with me? It was because after she graduated I was there for her, I was going to be the one thing in her life that didn't change, I was going to give her the support she might need. And I knew that when I left for college, she'd do the same for me. I knew that she'd be there for me. If nothing else remained the same, I'd have her. But then I didn't have her. And all these thoughts about the future came in. I started to doubt myself. I started to worry. Things are always so much better for you when you think you're the shit. lol. It wasn't so much about losing her. It was losing the only thing I'd know at NIU. I knew she'd keep me straight and on track. But that didn't work out so well. So now, I'm on my own. I'm getting stronger. I'm getting my confidence back. I think that once I'm there I'll be back to normal. Once I can stop thinking about it, and do it. My will power is definately returning. I'm actually developing a self-esteem again (though it's pretty low). I dunno, things are getting better.
I hate him. I know him through and through, and I hate him. But there's not much I can do about it.
I'm becoming my father, and that scares me.
I'm losing weight, slowly but surely. And my arms, are like cannons. lol. I like lifting heavy objects. I'm looking forward to using NIU's student rec. Lifting weights is a good thing. Nick is a powerhouse of soul. Lol.
I think that's about it. Except that I'm once again thouroughly disappointed with some people. Just fucking tell me what you want from me. I might or might not do it...but fucking tell me so I know. Damn.
Peace out Bitches,
Smallz