Pain and regret
I've tried to keep my LJ footprint to near zero, tried to keep my AIM presence at zero -- in which I apologize to DT, and tried to go to places I knew the one would likely not go to, but.... but while I was doubled over in pain at work though trying not to show it much, I went face-to-face with something I realized. As much as I loved her as my best friend, as much as I wanted her as a friend, I absolutely need her as the person who knows my mind, my ins & outs, and my body.
This day was the first day since the conversation died that my monthly hell has became painful enough for me to curl up and wish I was dead, or a normal guy. Times like this in the past, I had her to comfort me, to keep me sane and keep my mind off it as I waited for relief to come. I did the same for her. I don't know how good I did, but I did what I could at the time.
As I sit here waiting for the pills to work on my weird arse body, I have AIM Express on, waiting, hoping today is the day I can go:
"Chibi, I'm sorry. I still like you. Chibi, I'm sorry. I want you in my life. Chibi, I'm sorry. I need you around."
This day was the first day since the conversation died that my monthly hell has became painful enough for me to curl up and wish I was dead, or a normal guy. Times like this in the past, I had her to comfort me, to keep me sane and keep my mind off it as I waited for relief to come. I did the same for her. I don't know how good I did, but I did what I could at the time.
As I sit here waiting for the pills to work on my weird arse body, I have AIM Express on, waiting, hoping today is the day I can go:
"Chibi, I'm sorry. I still like you. Chibi, I'm sorry. I want you in my life. Chibi, I'm sorry. I need you around."