FIC: Finish Each Day (Jack/Ianto)
Title: Finish Each Day
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Words: 5326
Prompt: for skidmo_fic 's lyrics challenge. Lyrics are: all these lives you’ve been taking, deep inside my heart is breaking - All These Lives - Daughtry
Spoilers: Cyberworman and Countrycide. Mostly Countrycide.
Notes: Fabulous beta done by kensieg
Summary: Jack never wanted Ianto to know so much about death and cruelty. Now all he can do is hope he's allowed to pick up the fragmented pieces of the man.
"Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two. This you cannot do without temperance." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Owen had insisted that everyone take a turn through A&E as soon as they’d reached civilization. So it was nearing dusk when they got back to Torchwood Three and they’d all been awake for nearing forty hours.
Ianto was searching through the things behind the tourist office counter for his car key when Jack came back from seeing everyone else to their cars. Ianto shivered when he felt Jack’s warm hand through the thin material of the t-shirt someone had found for him when his bloodied one had been deemed a total loss.
“Looking for this?” Jack held up the key to Ianto’s car.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Yes,” he said, snatching the key.
Jack let him have the key, but kept Ianto from leaving by placing both hands on Ianto’s hips. “I didn’t want you to sneak away while I got everyone else gone.”
“I really need to get going. I can’t take these pain pills until I get home. Owen says they’ll knock me out directly as sleep deprived as we all are.”
Jack put a hand very carefully along the side of Ianto’s bruised face. “Then don’t go. I’ll get you some water so you can take your pills and you can stay here.”
Ianto swayed on his feet. Jack’s hand on his side and the one on his face were so warm, so gentle. He’d read somewhere about babies and dogs that curled up and died when denied the simple comforts of touch. He began to realize that he’d been denied that comfort himself for far too long, and that on the inside at least, he’d begun to curl up and die too. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Jack to breathe life back into that part of him or if it would be better if he just let it pass unremarked and unmourned.
Jack pulled Ianto in close to keep him on his feet. He wrapped his arms around Ianto’s back, one hand gently cradling Ianto’s head to his shoulder. “Stay,” he whispered into his ear, gently rocking them both. “Gwen’s going home to Rhys and I asked Owen to drive Tosh home and be sure she’s okay before he goes. He said he’d give you a lift too, but I said I’d make sure you were okay.”
“I am okay, Jack,” Ianto whispered, but he made no move to escape the profound comfort of Jack’s embrace and he closed his eyes and let Jack sway them both gently, almost as if they were dancing without music.
“You don’t have to be,” Jack said, softly petting Ianto’s hair. “What we saw out there was horrible. And you were hurt pretty badly.”
Images of a cleaver and a baseball bat and severed limbs flashed through Ianto’s mind and he unconsciously tightened his hands around Jack’s coat. “I’m alright, sir,” he forced himself to say.
Jack shifted just enough to take Ianto’s head in both of his hands. “Look me in the eye and tell me that,” Jack said softly. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re okay and that you really think you can go home alone and sleep well.”
Ianto couldn’t hold his gaze. His eyes came up but then skitted to the side, back again and down to the floor. “If I stay… I…I don’t think I’ll be sleeping an awful lot tonight. Or maybe I’ll sleep too much… if those pills put me out… You need sleep as much as I do…”
Jack chuckled. “Uh, no. Not really. I never sleep much; I think you know that. I’ll wake you up when the dreams get bad. And wouldn’t you rather not wake up alone?”
“I don’t have any clean clothes here. I mean… this isn’t even my shirt and these jeans are completely ruined.” Ianto could hear his own voice slurring as sleep threatened to overtake him just to spite him. “And I need to shower in the worst way.”
Jack shivered when he felt Ianto’s lips ghost over his neck with each word. “I have a very usable shower and I can give you a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in.”
“I -“
Jack cut him off with a finger against his lips. “Ianto. You need to either leave now, before you really do fall asleep before you make it home, or you need to quit making excuses.” He slid his finger down and replaced it with his lips, soft against Ianto’s.
“I think you know what I’d prefer. Now tell me what you want. Not what you think you’re supposed to say. What you want.”
Ianto managed to pull himself together enough to meet Jack’s warm blue eyes. But he couldn’t make the words come out. When he felt the tears well up, he squeezed his eyes closed and turned his head away. Jack pulled him back against his shoulder, gently stroking his hair. “Stay tonight, please,” Jack whispered as he placed a soft kiss on Ianto’s temple.
Ianto nodded against Jack’s coat, not saying anything or even opening his eyes. “Please don’t let go yet,” he heard himself whispering without realizing he was voicing the thought.
Jack tightened his arms just enough for Ianto to feel it, but not enough to worry that he was damaging bruised and cracked ribs or aggravating lividly purple and black bruises almost everywhere else.
After a long while, Jack pulled back enough to drop a soft kiss in Ianto’s hair. “Come downstairs with me.”
“I’m such a mess,” Ianto whispered, making no attempt to move from Jack’s arms.
“If I promise to behave, will you let me help you through a shower?” Jack gently combed his fingers through Ianto’s hair, feeling bits of dried blood that had caked the strands together.
“I can-“
Jack cut him off. “I know you can, but you don’t have to.” He kissed Ianto’s temple again. “Let me help,” he whispered against his ear.
Ianto just nodded. He was too tired to argue and there was something eminently appealing about the idea of having Jack wash away the memories of this gruesome day. At least the ones that weren’t beaten into his skin.
Jack’s hands slid down Ianto’s arms and traced around until he could pull Ianto’s hands from around him and grip them warmly in his own. “Come on.” He let go of one hand, but kept the other in his until they got to the hatch in the floor of Jack’s office.
Jack went down first and then stood at the bottom, his hands going around Ianto’s waist as soon as he was in reach, helping him down the last few rungs. As Ianto reached the floor, Jack pulled him into a warm hug.
Jack once again led him by the hand as they went into the small bathroom at the rear of his quarters. He flipped on the light, but they both immediately winced at the stark whiteness of the blinding bulb. Jack flipped it back off again. “Hang on.”
Jack left Ianto standing in the bathroom doorway and went back to the small table near the one overstuffed reading chair. He dug around for a second before returning with three cream-colored pillar candles and an antique silver lighter. “You know, in this day and age, it’s really hard to find lighter fluid for this thing. Everything is made to be disposable.” Jack set the candles on the sink and went about lighting them. “It’s no wonder people are losing their respect for the sanctity of life.”
Ianto just nodded, not really listening. His eyes trailed Jack as he set the candles out on the sink and the back of the toilet, bathing the room in flickering light. He found the soft glow of the candles infinitely more agreeable than the harsh light of the fluorescent bulb. His head was pounding and his skin was starting to itch and all he could really focus on any more was getting clean and getting horizontal.
He hadn’t realized he’d fallen so deeply into his own thoughts until Jack was there peeling off his ruined jacket. He could barely summon the strength to help Jack get him out of the appropriated t-shirt and then kick off his own shoes. Jack reached over and turned on the shower before helping him out of his jeans. Jack raised an eyebrow at the lack of underwear. Ianto stared at the floor, “Don’t ask.”
Jack just smiled and kissed Ianto’s freezing fingers. “Go warm up. I’ll be right there.”
Ianto opened the cubical door, embracing the steam and letting out a long sigh. He turned his back to the spray and let the water pressure start taking out some of the tension in his shoulders.
He’d just tried to reach up and wet his hair, when his arm spasmed and he doubled over, clutching his shoulder.
Suddenly Jack was there, helping him stand straight again. “Easy. I’ll get your hair. You probably hurt pretty damn much everywhere. What say we keep you from trying to move too much for a while?”
Ianto nodded, slowly releasing his cramped muscle. Jack took over, gently massaging with the heel of his hand until he felt the hardness beneath his palm relax, and heard Ianto sigh. “Better?”
“Thank you.” Somewhere along the line Ianto’s eyes had closed and he just didn’t have the strength to force them open again. He let Jack turn him so that his head was under the spray, felt as Jack gently raked his fingers through his hair making sure it was wet through.
Jack turned him back again, having basically assumed full control of Ianto, not asking, not suggesting, just doing what needed to be done, and letting Ianto’s brain shut down as much as it could after such a horrific day. “Put your head down,” Jack said quietly as he guided Ianto’s head to his shoulder again. Without thinking about it, Ianto’s hands came up and circled Jack’s waist. He knew that under other circumstances, being warm and wet and plastered against Jack’s naked body, he’d be hard as steel, but right now he couldn’t muster the energy to even think about sex. He just wanted to be held and cared for, and, he realized, that was all Jack had offered. It was enough for now. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel in the morning or in a week, but for now this was exactly what he needed.
Jack held him for a minute before groping around behind him to find the shampoo. “Close your eyes.”
Ianto laughed. If ever there’d been an unnecessary command.
He felt the cool gel slide against his scalp followed by Jack’s hands moving so gently, so slowly through his hair. He could tell Jack was looking for the bruises, feeling around for swelling as well as carefully studying Ianto’s body language to see what hurt and what didn’t, where he could scratch Ianto’s scalp gently with his nails and where he had to tread very, very carefully.
Ianto wasn’t sure, but he may have literally fallen asleep on his feet for a few moments as Jack carefully picked out the blood and dirt and rubbed Ianto’s scalp for what felt like hours. He barely heard Jack ask, “You still with me?”
Ianto jerked his head up, “Yes. Of course. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Jack said kissing his nose. “Just scoot a little,” Jack said moving him back into the spray to rinse out the shampoo. “I think you started to drift off,” he added as he gently ran his hands over Ianto’s head, washing away the soap. “Your head got pretty heavy for a little while there.”
“Sorry,” Ianto mumbled.
“It was nice,” Jack said softly. “I’m glad you stayed.”
“I am too,” Ianto answered so quietly that Jack could barely hear him over the spray of the water.
Jack took his time lathering up a cloth and washing away the dirt and sweat and grime of the grizzly day. Ianto let himself drift again as Jack passed the cloth, slick with soap, over every inch of him. Jack’s touch was gentle but impersonal, and Ianto allowed himself the fleeting thought of what it might be like for Jack to have him in the shower for completely different reasons. Just as the thought passed, Jack hit a particularly livid bruise on his left thigh and Ianto knew that any such theoretical day would have to be weeks in the future.
“Okay, almost done,” Jack said as he hung the cloth over the bar. “Tilt your head back,” Jack instructed softly as he brought the back of Ianto’s head against his own shoulder. “Stand still, okay?”
Ianto flinched as the first soft touches of soap lather landed on his neck. He realized he was still leery of anyone - even when he knew it could only be Jack - touching his throat.
Jack apparently sensed this and shushed him quietly. He brought the plastic disposable razor around where Ianto could see it. “Just close your eyes and stay still. I’ll be very careful.”
Ianto knew he could trust Jack, that wasn’t a question, but the idea of anything sharp near his neck terrified him now. “Jack… don’t… please.” He knew Gwen had told Jack about the cleaver. He’d been around the corner of the old stone building between rounds of retching and, he presumed, she didn’t know he was close enough to hear. He squeezed his eyes shut against water hotter than that from the shower. They’d never trust him in the field again. This had turned into a test - even if Jack hadn’t intended it to be. And he’d failed it. Miserably. Even now, just the memory of the blade at his jugular caused him to shake.
Jack gently smoothed his hair back and wiped his face with the side of his hand. “Come on, you’ll sleep better once you’re all cleaned up. And I’m guessing you may not want to do this for yourself for a while.” He continued talking as he grabbed the soap again and moved to where Ianto could see him. Apparently it had been a bit of a tactical error to try this from behind him. “Just trust me,” Jack whispered as he moved closer, telegraphing his moves. When his fingers were full of lather he reached up again, pleased that Ianto didn’t try to stop him and didn’t flinch. He slid his free hand up and down Ianto’s spine, trying to still the slight tremors that still wracked him. Once Ianto seemed still Jack tilted his head and made sure Ianto could see the razor in his hand. “I have no idea why I have these things; I prefer a regular razor, but I’m not stupid enough to think you’re going to let me anywhere near you with one of those. At least not any time soon. Maybe once some of these bruises heal up, we can try this again. It can be sexy as hell.”
Ianto laughed quietly, the blatant pass making him feel like things were more normal between him and Jack than they had been since Lisa. “Ask me again then,” he replied and then steeled himself to let Jack near him with the blade.
Jack studied Ianto’s eyes and smiled. They’d need to have a sit-down tomorrow so Jack could impress upon him how proud he was for the way he’d handled himself in the field. This was the worst baptism by fire he’d ever witnessed, and the fact that Ianto wasn’t begging for retconn spoke volumes for the bravery in this man. His lips twisted a little as it occurred to him for the first time that it was unlikely that Ianto would rate his own performance in this debacle as anything less than disasterous.
Ianto’d asked for a few minutes alone after everything had started to wind down. Gwen and Jack had overseen the arrests and confinement of the prisoners while Owen had tended to whatever wounds had been left - both Gwen’s and all the villagers Jack had shot. Ianto had been pale but ambulatory when he told Jack that he needed to get away from the cellar they’d been held in and that he was going to go check on the SUV. As he and Gwen had loaded the last of those loathsome cannibals into the police cars, Jack had heard coughing and retching from the side of the building. He’d immediately headed over to see if there was anything he could do, but Gwen had caught his sleeve telling him what had happened to Ianto, how close he’d been to being bled to death. Before she’d even finished, Tosh was there telling him how Ianto had head-butted the idiot who’d beat him to give her a chance to make a dash for the woods. Ianto had been afraid, no doubt, but when it came down to it, he’d done what he could to ensure the safety of the team. Jack reached up and carefully traced the edge of the goose-egg on Ianto’s forehead. That must have been from connecting skulls with that monster. “Let’s get this done so you can take your meds and get to bed, huh?”
He waited until Ianto nodded before putting one hand behind Ianto’s head to hold him still and said, “Right there, okay?”
Jack made sure Ianto could see his movements as he carefully ran the double blades over his face and neck. When he was done, he used the cloth to wipe away the few traces of soap that remained. “Much better,” he said, leaning in and chastely kissing Ianto’s lips.
Ianto turned and leaned into Jack again, resting his now-smooth check against Jack’s shoulder. His hands came around Jack’s waist and Jack hugged him in return. “Thank you, that does feel much better.” He found that his eyes were drifting shut again now that the minor adrenaline spurt the razor had brought on had passed. “God Jack, I’m so tired.”
Jack ran his hand up and down Ianto’s spine. “There’s a towel on the sink and I put a pair of boxers and a t-shirt on the end of the bed for you. I’ll be out in just a minute, okay?” He squeezed him carefully, but tightly one more time before opening the door enough for Ianto to slip out.
Jack turned back into the spray, quickly scrubbing himself down and passing the razor over his own face as quickly as he could without doing himself an injury.
By the time he’d toweled off and done a very cursory tidying of the bathroom and blown out the candles, he figured Ianto’d have crawled in bed and passed out. So he was surprised to find him sitting on the foot of the bed, his towel around his hips and the clothes Jack had put out for him balled up in his lap.
Jack dug in his drawer until he found a pair of old, soft gray sweatpants and pulled them on. Ianto didn’t move. Jack went back into the bathroom and dug through Ianto’s jeans until he found the tablets prescribed by the A&E doctor. He shook the prescribed two into his hand and then filled the bathroom cup from the tap.
He came back into the bedroom and knelt in front of Ianto who still didn’t seem to be aware of him. “Ianto?”
Ianto looked up at him and blinked owlishly. He looked down at the clothes in his hand and frowned. “I seem to have lost track of what I was doing.”
Jack smiled softly at him. “I can’t say I’m all that surprised right now. Here, take these.” Jack took Ianto’s hand and turned it over and dropped the pills into it. When Ianto obediently popped them both into his mouth, Jack held out the water glass and waited while he washed the pills down. He set the glass on the chest of drawers and then tugged the shorts out of Ianto’s hands. “Come on, I’ll help you.” He extended a hand and helped Ianto to his feet. Very matter-of-factly he pulled the towel out of the way and helped Ianto balance while he stepped into the light blue boxers. He tugged the t-shirt over his head and ruffled his hair as Ianto sleepily shoved his arms through the sleeves. “Ready for bed?”
Ianto nodded and let Jack steer him around to one side of the bed. When Jack pulled back the covers and tossed one of the pillows over, Ianto dropped gratefully down and curled up to make himself as small as he could. Jack’s bed wasn’t huge and he didn’t want to crowd him. Or give him the wrong impression. Or … whatever. He knew he wasn’t thinking entirely clearly, but there was part of him screaming to make himself as invisible as possible. To not be be an imposition. To not be noticed. He felt Jack lay down behind him and felt the springs dip and bounce as Jack arranged the pillows and blankets for two.
“Ianto?”
His own name startled him and he flinched away from the warm hand on his shoulder.
“It’s alright,” Jack crooned. “But you’re all tensed up again. I just spent more than three-quarters of an hour in that shower trying to get you to unwind.” Jack reinforced his words with soft strokes along Ianto’s shoulders and spine. He’d been pleased to notice in the shower the concentration of Ianto’s bruises seemed to be on his face, sides and belly. The more the girls had talked the more he’d worried about Ianto having kidney damage, or worse, a compromised backbone. For whatever reason, they’d left his back alone and Jack was grateful. Not only because of the greater damage that could have been done, but because it gave him safe areas to touch. Places that would calm and soothe, instead of causing pain or fear. He began drawing little circles with the tips of his fingers as he moved closer to Ianto. “It’s okay to touch me. I promised to behave tonight if you stayed. I won’t break that promise.”
As Jack’s fingers moved up to slide through his now clean, still damp hair, Ianto made a deliberate effort to relax. Behind his eyes images of severed body parts flashed, threatening to undo him, so he forced himself to remember Jack holding him up in the office and then again in the shower to try and chase away the more gruesome thoughts. Somewhere in there the images started mixing and the memory of Jack washing his chest and belly crossed with the memory of the baseball bat connecting with his ribs. He squeezed his eyes even tighter closed, wondering if he had the nerve to ask Jack to hold him again, to help reinforce his memories with present, physical sensations. “Jack?” he whispered as he tried again, unsuccessfully, to will himself to relax.
“Hm?”
Ianto felt Jack’s lips press gently against the cloth of his t-shirt. A t-shirt, he realized somewhat belatedly, that smelled much more of Jack than whatever washing powder he used. He tried to surreptitiously lower his head to inhale that scent in again, hoping that perhaps he could use that to calm himself and spare himself the humiliation of asking Jack to hold him like he was some kind of frightened child.
“What do you need?” Jack asked, his hand drifting back down coming to rest on Ianto’s hip.
Ianto sighed, hoping Jack wouldn’t press. He shuffled over onto his back and tried to make eye contact in the dim light coming in through the porthole. “I just… I was wondering if… if you wouldn’t mind…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He just couldn’t admit to someone he so admired that even though he knew he was in one of the safest places on Earth, that he was terrified of nothing more than the dark.
Jack picked up Ianto’s hand and kissed it, understanding anyway. “That’s why I asked you to stay.” He tugged gently on the hand in his until Ianto rolled to face him. “Come here.”
Ianto snuggled into Jack’s shoulder the feel of warm skin doing far more than the scent left in an old t-shirt could ever do. Jack wrapped one arm around Ianto’s waist and tugged him in close, the other hand sliding under Ianto’s neck and cradling his head. “Sleep now. Everything’s okay.”
Jack continued to croon quiet words into Ianto’s ear until he was certain that the softening of his face and the evenness of his breathing was truly sleep, not just a the twilight phase he’d been in in the shower. Only when he was sure that, for the moment at least, Ianto was sleeping peacefully, did Jack allow himself to shift just enough that Ianto’s head wouldn’t cut off the circulation in his arm, did he allow himself to drift off.
() () () () ()
Jack glanced at the bedside clock when he first heard Ianto start to mutter in his sleep. Three and a half hours was quite a bit longer than he’d expected him to last. Before he’d fallen asleep he was still flinching half the time Jack touched him - especially when it was unexpected - so it said something about how tired he was if he’d gotten through so much of the night without dreaming.
Jack tugged him in tight, making sure Ianto’s hands were trapped between their chests just to be sure that he didn’t get punched in the face as Ianto struggled against his dreams as Jack woke him. “Ianto,” Jack whispered, one hand rubbing up and down Ianto’s spine.
Ianto started struggling against Jack’s hold, but Jack was sure that he wasn’t struggling against him. He was certain there would be many nights in the near future when Ianto would fight the bastards who’d beaten and terrified him. He wondered how many Ianto would let him help him through. “Ianto,” he said louder, the gentle strokes turning into vigorous rubbing. “Come on, Ianto, you need to wake up. You need to open your eyes.”
A loud gasp was the only warning Jack got as Ianto put all his strength into forcing them apart by shoving on Jack’s chest. Hard.
Jack just managed to keep a hold of Ianto’s shirt, which was the only thing that kept Ianto from toppling himself right off the bed. “Easy,” Jack crooned as he pulled Ianto back to him. “You were having a nightmare, that’s all.” Jack slid his hand down to Ianto’s side and pulled him back in.
Ianto hissed and knocked his hand aside, nearly falling off the side of the bed again. Jack reacted quickly, moving to grab his arm, where he could see skin so that he wouldn’t hit another bruise or bump. “Sorry, sorry. It’s alright Sorry. You okay?”
Jack watched as Ianto visibly calmed himself and nodded. Ianto regained his balance, scooting in closer to Jack and after a minute he let go of his offended sided. “I’m okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m alright.”
Jack wasn’t sure exactly whom he was trying to convince. He carefully coaxed Ianto back into his arms. “We expected this, it was just a nightmare. Just settle back down. You slept a long time actually. Longer than I expected anyway.”
“What about you?” Ianto mumbled into Jack’s chest.
“I slept too. Most of the time you were asleep actually. I fell asleep about ten or fifteen minutes after you did. I was still asleep when you started dreaming. That’s actually more than a good night’s sleep for me.”
“I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t realize -“
Jack silenced him with a soft kiss. “Stop.” When it looked like Ianto was going to apologize again, Jack put a finger to his lips. “No, I mean it. Don’t apologize.”
Ianto let out a sigh, not saying anything since apologies seemed to be the only thing he could think of. He rolled onto his side, his back to Jack. Predictably, his dreams had been horrific. Everything he’d been through lately was weaving and blending together. Lisa. Jack’s gun at his head. Heads in an icebox. A baseball bat connecting with his ribs. He let out a shaky breath, determined not to start crying. He willed himself not to flinch as Jack spooned up behind him.
“This is exactly why I wanted you to stay. Because it’s not going to be an easy night for either of us.” Jack gently brushed Ianto’s hair back. He dropped his head, his face resting in the warm space between Ianto’s neck and shoulder. “I did this to you.” Jack bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to voice that. Ianto didn’t need to deal with the guilt racing through Jack’s head.
Ianto started and turned so he could see Jack. “That’s ridiculous.”
“No it’s not,” Jack insisted, realizing that he was into the conversation now, whether he wanted to be or not. “It was supposed to be a quiet trip out to the country, I figured I’d somehow con you into sharing a tent with me so we could talk for a while; you’d get some time out with the team and we could put the whole mess with Lisa behind us. Instead I nearly got you killed and exposed you to monsters far worse than anything I’ve seen in almost two hundred years of existence and a travelogue of dozens of planets.” Jack took a deep breath. He was mad at himself for how this had gone down, not at Ianto, but it was unlikely that Ianto would understand that if he couldn’t soften his voice. He rested his head on Ianto’s shoulder for a second as he squared himself away. Without looking up he said, “Believe me when I tell you that you’re doing me a favor by being here.” He shifted to rest on one elbow, his head propped up on his hand. He took another calming breath and reached out to stroke Ianto’s face. “Seriously. I need to know you’re okay. It may sound … I don’t know… sappy… but…I wouldn’t have slept if you’d gone home. I would have just sat up and worried…” he trailed off and shrugged.
“It’s nice,” Ianto said softly, surprised to find himself comforting Jack. “I didn’t fancy going home to my empty flat. I really didn’t.”
Jack slid back down and gathered Ianto up in his arms and kissed him softly on the lips. He hadn’t realized how much tension of his own he’d been holding until he felt it release as Ianto kissed him back tentatively. Jack smiled against Ianto’s lips, feeling truly relieved for the first time since the SUV went missing. “You can stay anytime you want.” Jack kissed his forehead, settling himself down. “Think you can get some more sleep?”
Ianto nodded, yawning with comic timing. “Guess so,” he said sheepishly.
Jack laughed as they both wiggled and settled next to each other.
“You?” Ianto asked as his eyes drifted shut.
Jack found himself surprised to realize that even with all the sleep he’d already gotten, he still felt like he might be able to drift off again. Of course, he noted to himself, he always slept better and slept more when he had a reason to stay in bed. And keeping Ianto safe and comfortable was a damn good reason. “Yeah, at least a little more.” He carefully blanked his mind, and without putting any conscious effort into it, he matched his breathing to Ianto’s slow, measured inhalations and exhalations and let himself drift off. He was sure he’d have to wake Ianto again once he started dreaming, but for now, knowing that Ianto was safe and whole, that their relationship had not only withstood Lisa, but the worst humanity could throw at them. That was really all Jack needed to know in order to get a good night’s sleep.
Characters: Jack/Ianto
Rating: R
Words: 5326
Prompt: for skidmo_fic 's lyrics challenge. Lyrics are: all these lives you’ve been taking, deep inside my heart is breaking - All These Lives - Daughtry
Spoilers: Cyberworman and Countrycide. Mostly Countrycide.
Notes: Fabulous beta done by kensieg
Summary: Jack never wanted Ianto to know so much about death and cruelty. Now all he can do is hope he's allowed to pick up the fragmented pieces of the man.
"Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two. This you cannot do without temperance." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Owen had insisted that everyone take a turn through A&E as soon as they’d reached civilization. So it was nearing dusk when they got back to Torchwood Three and they’d all been awake for nearing forty hours.
Ianto was searching through the things behind the tourist office counter for his car key when Jack came back from seeing everyone else to their cars. Ianto shivered when he felt Jack’s warm hand through the thin material of the t-shirt someone had found for him when his bloodied one had been deemed a total loss.
“Looking for this?” Jack held up the key to Ianto’s car.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Yes,” he said, snatching the key.
Jack let him have the key, but kept Ianto from leaving by placing both hands on Ianto’s hips. “I didn’t want you to sneak away while I got everyone else gone.”
“I really need to get going. I can’t take these pain pills until I get home. Owen says they’ll knock me out directly as sleep deprived as we all are.”
Jack put a hand very carefully along the side of Ianto’s bruised face. “Then don’t go. I’ll get you some water so you can take your pills and you can stay here.”
Ianto swayed on his feet. Jack’s hand on his side and the one on his face were so warm, so gentle. He’d read somewhere about babies and dogs that curled up and died when denied the simple comforts of touch. He began to realize that he’d been denied that comfort himself for far too long, and that on the inside at least, he’d begun to curl up and die too. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Jack to breathe life back into that part of him or if it would be better if he just let it pass unremarked and unmourned.
Jack pulled Ianto in close to keep him on his feet. He wrapped his arms around Ianto’s back, one hand gently cradling Ianto’s head to his shoulder. “Stay,” he whispered into his ear, gently rocking them both. “Gwen’s going home to Rhys and I asked Owen to drive Tosh home and be sure she’s okay before he goes. He said he’d give you a lift too, but I said I’d make sure you were okay.”
“I am okay, Jack,” Ianto whispered, but he made no move to escape the profound comfort of Jack’s embrace and he closed his eyes and let Jack sway them both gently, almost as if they were dancing without music.
“You don’t have to be,” Jack said, softly petting Ianto’s hair. “What we saw out there was horrible. And you were hurt pretty badly.”
Images of a cleaver and a baseball bat and severed limbs flashed through Ianto’s mind and he unconsciously tightened his hands around Jack’s coat. “I’m alright, sir,” he forced himself to say.
Jack shifted just enough to take Ianto’s head in both of his hands. “Look me in the eye and tell me that,” Jack said softly. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re okay and that you really think you can go home alone and sleep well.”
Ianto couldn’t hold his gaze. His eyes came up but then skitted to the side, back again and down to the floor. “If I stay… I…I don’t think I’ll be sleeping an awful lot tonight. Or maybe I’ll sleep too much… if those pills put me out… You need sleep as much as I do…”
Jack chuckled. “Uh, no. Not really. I never sleep much; I think you know that. I’ll wake you up when the dreams get bad. And wouldn’t you rather not wake up alone?”
“I don’t have any clean clothes here. I mean… this isn’t even my shirt and these jeans are completely ruined.” Ianto could hear his own voice slurring as sleep threatened to overtake him just to spite him. “And I need to shower in the worst way.”
Jack shivered when he felt Ianto’s lips ghost over his neck with each word. “I have a very usable shower and I can give you a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in.”
“I -“
Jack cut him off with a finger against his lips. “Ianto. You need to either leave now, before you really do fall asleep before you make it home, or you need to quit making excuses.” He slid his finger down and replaced it with his lips, soft against Ianto’s.
“I think you know what I’d prefer. Now tell me what you want. Not what you think you’re supposed to say. What you want.”
Ianto managed to pull himself together enough to meet Jack’s warm blue eyes. But he couldn’t make the words come out. When he felt the tears well up, he squeezed his eyes closed and turned his head away. Jack pulled him back against his shoulder, gently stroking his hair. “Stay tonight, please,” Jack whispered as he placed a soft kiss on Ianto’s temple.
Ianto nodded against Jack’s coat, not saying anything or even opening his eyes. “Please don’t let go yet,” he heard himself whispering without realizing he was voicing the thought.
Jack tightened his arms just enough for Ianto to feel it, but not enough to worry that he was damaging bruised and cracked ribs or aggravating lividly purple and black bruises almost everywhere else.
After a long while, Jack pulled back enough to drop a soft kiss in Ianto’s hair. “Come downstairs with me.”
“I’m such a mess,” Ianto whispered, making no attempt to move from Jack’s arms.
“If I promise to behave, will you let me help you through a shower?” Jack gently combed his fingers through Ianto’s hair, feeling bits of dried blood that had caked the strands together.
“I can-“
Jack cut him off. “I know you can, but you don’t have to.” He kissed Ianto’s temple again. “Let me help,” he whispered against his ear.
Ianto just nodded. He was too tired to argue and there was something eminently appealing about the idea of having Jack wash away the memories of this gruesome day. At least the ones that weren’t beaten into his skin.
Jack’s hands slid down Ianto’s arms and traced around until he could pull Ianto’s hands from around him and grip them warmly in his own. “Come on.” He let go of one hand, but kept the other in his until they got to the hatch in the floor of Jack’s office.
Jack went down first and then stood at the bottom, his hands going around Ianto’s waist as soon as he was in reach, helping him down the last few rungs. As Ianto reached the floor, Jack pulled him into a warm hug.
Jack once again led him by the hand as they went into the small bathroom at the rear of his quarters. He flipped on the light, but they both immediately winced at the stark whiteness of the blinding bulb. Jack flipped it back off again. “Hang on.”
Jack left Ianto standing in the bathroom doorway and went back to the small table near the one overstuffed reading chair. He dug around for a second before returning with three cream-colored pillar candles and an antique silver lighter. “You know, in this day and age, it’s really hard to find lighter fluid for this thing. Everything is made to be disposable.” Jack set the candles on the sink and went about lighting them. “It’s no wonder people are losing their respect for the sanctity of life.”
Ianto just nodded, not really listening. His eyes trailed Jack as he set the candles out on the sink and the back of the toilet, bathing the room in flickering light. He found the soft glow of the candles infinitely more agreeable than the harsh light of the fluorescent bulb. His head was pounding and his skin was starting to itch and all he could really focus on any more was getting clean and getting horizontal.
He hadn’t realized he’d fallen so deeply into his own thoughts until Jack was there peeling off his ruined jacket. He could barely summon the strength to help Jack get him out of the appropriated t-shirt and then kick off his own shoes. Jack reached over and turned on the shower before helping him out of his jeans. Jack raised an eyebrow at the lack of underwear. Ianto stared at the floor, “Don’t ask.”
Jack just smiled and kissed Ianto’s freezing fingers. “Go warm up. I’ll be right there.”
Ianto opened the cubical door, embracing the steam and letting out a long sigh. He turned his back to the spray and let the water pressure start taking out some of the tension in his shoulders.
He’d just tried to reach up and wet his hair, when his arm spasmed and he doubled over, clutching his shoulder.
Suddenly Jack was there, helping him stand straight again. “Easy. I’ll get your hair. You probably hurt pretty damn much everywhere. What say we keep you from trying to move too much for a while?”
Ianto nodded, slowly releasing his cramped muscle. Jack took over, gently massaging with the heel of his hand until he felt the hardness beneath his palm relax, and heard Ianto sigh. “Better?”
“Thank you.” Somewhere along the line Ianto’s eyes had closed and he just didn’t have the strength to force them open again. He let Jack turn him so that his head was under the spray, felt as Jack gently raked his fingers through his hair making sure it was wet through.
Jack turned him back again, having basically assumed full control of Ianto, not asking, not suggesting, just doing what needed to be done, and letting Ianto’s brain shut down as much as it could after such a horrific day. “Put your head down,” Jack said quietly as he guided Ianto’s head to his shoulder again. Without thinking about it, Ianto’s hands came up and circled Jack’s waist. He knew that under other circumstances, being warm and wet and plastered against Jack’s naked body, he’d be hard as steel, but right now he couldn’t muster the energy to even think about sex. He just wanted to be held and cared for, and, he realized, that was all Jack had offered. It was enough for now. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel in the morning or in a week, but for now this was exactly what he needed.
Jack held him for a minute before groping around behind him to find the shampoo. “Close your eyes.”
Ianto laughed. If ever there’d been an unnecessary command.
He felt the cool gel slide against his scalp followed by Jack’s hands moving so gently, so slowly through his hair. He could tell Jack was looking for the bruises, feeling around for swelling as well as carefully studying Ianto’s body language to see what hurt and what didn’t, where he could scratch Ianto’s scalp gently with his nails and where he had to tread very, very carefully.
Ianto wasn’t sure, but he may have literally fallen asleep on his feet for a few moments as Jack carefully picked out the blood and dirt and rubbed Ianto’s scalp for what felt like hours. He barely heard Jack ask, “You still with me?”
Ianto jerked his head up, “Yes. Of course. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Jack said kissing his nose. “Just scoot a little,” Jack said moving him back into the spray to rinse out the shampoo. “I think you started to drift off,” he added as he gently ran his hands over Ianto’s head, washing away the soap. “Your head got pretty heavy for a little while there.”
“Sorry,” Ianto mumbled.
“It was nice,” Jack said softly. “I’m glad you stayed.”
“I am too,” Ianto answered so quietly that Jack could barely hear him over the spray of the water.
Jack took his time lathering up a cloth and washing away the dirt and sweat and grime of the grizzly day. Ianto let himself drift again as Jack passed the cloth, slick with soap, over every inch of him. Jack’s touch was gentle but impersonal, and Ianto allowed himself the fleeting thought of what it might be like for Jack to have him in the shower for completely different reasons. Just as the thought passed, Jack hit a particularly livid bruise on his left thigh and Ianto knew that any such theoretical day would have to be weeks in the future.
“Okay, almost done,” Jack said as he hung the cloth over the bar. “Tilt your head back,” Jack instructed softly as he brought the back of Ianto’s head against his own shoulder. “Stand still, okay?”
Ianto flinched as the first soft touches of soap lather landed on his neck. He realized he was still leery of anyone - even when he knew it could only be Jack - touching his throat.
Jack apparently sensed this and shushed him quietly. He brought the plastic disposable razor around where Ianto could see it. “Just close your eyes and stay still. I’ll be very careful.”
Ianto knew he could trust Jack, that wasn’t a question, but the idea of anything sharp near his neck terrified him now. “Jack… don’t… please.” He knew Gwen had told Jack about the cleaver. He’d been around the corner of the old stone building between rounds of retching and, he presumed, she didn’t know he was close enough to hear. He squeezed his eyes shut against water hotter than that from the shower. They’d never trust him in the field again. This had turned into a test - even if Jack hadn’t intended it to be. And he’d failed it. Miserably. Even now, just the memory of the blade at his jugular caused him to shake.
Jack gently smoothed his hair back and wiped his face with the side of his hand. “Come on, you’ll sleep better once you’re all cleaned up. And I’m guessing you may not want to do this for yourself for a while.” He continued talking as he grabbed the soap again and moved to where Ianto could see him. Apparently it had been a bit of a tactical error to try this from behind him. “Just trust me,” Jack whispered as he moved closer, telegraphing his moves. When his fingers were full of lather he reached up again, pleased that Ianto didn’t try to stop him and didn’t flinch. He slid his free hand up and down Ianto’s spine, trying to still the slight tremors that still wracked him. Once Ianto seemed still Jack tilted his head and made sure Ianto could see the razor in his hand. “I have no idea why I have these things; I prefer a regular razor, but I’m not stupid enough to think you’re going to let me anywhere near you with one of those. At least not any time soon. Maybe once some of these bruises heal up, we can try this again. It can be sexy as hell.”
Ianto laughed quietly, the blatant pass making him feel like things were more normal between him and Jack than they had been since Lisa. “Ask me again then,” he replied and then steeled himself to let Jack near him with the blade.
Jack studied Ianto’s eyes and smiled. They’d need to have a sit-down tomorrow so Jack could impress upon him how proud he was for the way he’d handled himself in the field. This was the worst baptism by fire he’d ever witnessed, and the fact that Ianto wasn’t begging for retconn spoke volumes for the bravery in this man. His lips twisted a little as it occurred to him for the first time that it was unlikely that Ianto would rate his own performance in this debacle as anything less than disasterous.
Ianto’d asked for a few minutes alone after everything had started to wind down. Gwen and Jack had overseen the arrests and confinement of the prisoners while Owen had tended to whatever wounds had been left - both Gwen’s and all the villagers Jack had shot. Ianto had been pale but ambulatory when he told Jack that he needed to get away from the cellar they’d been held in and that he was going to go check on the SUV. As he and Gwen had loaded the last of those loathsome cannibals into the police cars, Jack had heard coughing and retching from the side of the building. He’d immediately headed over to see if there was anything he could do, but Gwen had caught his sleeve telling him what had happened to Ianto, how close he’d been to being bled to death. Before she’d even finished, Tosh was there telling him how Ianto had head-butted the idiot who’d beat him to give her a chance to make a dash for the woods. Ianto had been afraid, no doubt, but when it came down to it, he’d done what he could to ensure the safety of the team. Jack reached up and carefully traced the edge of the goose-egg on Ianto’s forehead. That must have been from connecting skulls with that monster. “Let’s get this done so you can take your meds and get to bed, huh?”
He waited until Ianto nodded before putting one hand behind Ianto’s head to hold him still and said, “Right there, okay?”
Jack made sure Ianto could see his movements as he carefully ran the double blades over his face and neck. When he was done, he used the cloth to wipe away the few traces of soap that remained. “Much better,” he said, leaning in and chastely kissing Ianto’s lips.
Ianto turned and leaned into Jack again, resting his now-smooth check against Jack’s shoulder. His hands came around Jack’s waist and Jack hugged him in return. “Thank you, that does feel much better.” He found that his eyes were drifting shut again now that the minor adrenaline spurt the razor had brought on had passed. “God Jack, I’m so tired.”
Jack ran his hand up and down Ianto’s spine. “There’s a towel on the sink and I put a pair of boxers and a t-shirt on the end of the bed for you. I’ll be out in just a minute, okay?” He squeezed him carefully, but tightly one more time before opening the door enough for Ianto to slip out.
Jack turned back into the spray, quickly scrubbing himself down and passing the razor over his own face as quickly as he could without doing himself an injury.
By the time he’d toweled off and done a very cursory tidying of the bathroom and blown out the candles, he figured Ianto’d have crawled in bed and passed out. So he was surprised to find him sitting on the foot of the bed, his towel around his hips and the clothes Jack had put out for him balled up in his lap.
Jack dug in his drawer until he found a pair of old, soft gray sweatpants and pulled them on. Ianto didn’t move. Jack went back into the bathroom and dug through Ianto’s jeans until he found the tablets prescribed by the A&E doctor. He shook the prescribed two into his hand and then filled the bathroom cup from the tap.
He came back into the bedroom and knelt in front of Ianto who still didn’t seem to be aware of him. “Ianto?”
Ianto looked up at him and blinked owlishly. He looked down at the clothes in his hand and frowned. “I seem to have lost track of what I was doing.”
Jack smiled softly at him. “I can’t say I’m all that surprised right now. Here, take these.” Jack took Ianto’s hand and turned it over and dropped the pills into it. When Ianto obediently popped them both into his mouth, Jack held out the water glass and waited while he washed the pills down. He set the glass on the chest of drawers and then tugged the shorts out of Ianto’s hands. “Come on, I’ll help you.” He extended a hand and helped Ianto to his feet. Very matter-of-factly he pulled the towel out of the way and helped Ianto balance while he stepped into the light blue boxers. He tugged the t-shirt over his head and ruffled his hair as Ianto sleepily shoved his arms through the sleeves. “Ready for bed?”
Ianto nodded and let Jack steer him around to one side of the bed. When Jack pulled back the covers and tossed one of the pillows over, Ianto dropped gratefully down and curled up to make himself as small as he could. Jack’s bed wasn’t huge and he didn’t want to crowd him. Or give him the wrong impression. Or … whatever. He knew he wasn’t thinking entirely clearly, but there was part of him screaming to make himself as invisible as possible. To not be be an imposition. To not be noticed. He felt Jack lay down behind him and felt the springs dip and bounce as Jack arranged the pillows and blankets for two.
“Ianto?”
His own name startled him and he flinched away from the warm hand on his shoulder.
“It’s alright,” Jack crooned. “But you’re all tensed up again. I just spent more than three-quarters of an hour in that shower trying to get you to unwind.” Jack reinforced his words with soft strokes along Ianto’s shoulders and spine. He’d been pleased to notice in the shower the concentration of Ianto’s bruises seemed to be on his face, sides and belly. The more the girls had talked the more he’d worried about Ianto having kidney damage, or worse, a compromised backbone. For whatever reason, they’d left his back alone and Jack was grateful. Not only because of the greater damage that could have been done, but because it gave him safe areas to touch. Places that would calm and soothe, instead of causing pain or fear. He began drawing little circles with the tips of his fingers as he moved closer to Ianto. “It’s okay to touch me. I promised to behave tonight if you stayed. I won’t break that promise.”
As Jack’s fingers moved up to slide through his now clean, still damp hair, Ianto made a deliberate effort to relax. Behind his eyes images of severed body parts flashed, threatening to undo him, so he forced himself to remember Jack holding him up in the office and then again in the shower to try and chase away the more gruesome thoughts. Somewhere in there the images started mixing and the memory of Jack washing his chest and belly crossed with the memory of the baseball bat connecting with his ribs. He squeezed his eyes even tighter closed, wondering if he had the nerve to ask Jack to hold him again, to help reinforce his memories with present, physical sensations. “Jack?” he whispered as he tried again, unsuccessfully, to will himself to relax.
“Hm?”
Ianto felt Jack’s lips press gently against the cloth of his t-shirt. A t-shirt, he realized somewhat belatedly, that smelled much more of Jack than whatever washing powder he used. He tried to surreptitiously lower his head to inhale that scent in again, hoping that perhaps he could use that to calm himself and spare himself the humiliation of asking Jack to hold him like he was some kind of frightened child.
“What do you need?” Jack asked, his hand drifting back down coming to rest on Ianto’s hip.
Ianto sighed, hoping Jack wouldn’t press. He shuffled over onto his back and tried to make eye contact in the dim light coming in through the porthole. “I just… I was wondering if… if you wouldn’t mind…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He just couldn’t admit to someone he so admired that even though he knew he was in one of the safest places on Earth, that he was terrified of nothing more than the dark.
Jack picked up Ianto’s hand and kissed it, understanding anyway. “That’s why I asked you to stay.” He tugged gently on the hand in his until Ianto rolled to face him. “Come here.”
Ianto snuggled into Jack’s shoulder the feel of warm skin doing far more than the scent left in an old t-shirt could ever do. Jack wrapped one arm around Ianto’s waist and tugged him in close, the other hand sliding under Ianto’s neck and cradling his head. “Sleep now. Everything’s okay.”
Jack continued to croon quiet words into Ianto’s ear until he was certain that the softening of his face and the evenness of his breathing was truly sleep, not just a the twilight phase he’d been in in the shower. Only when he was sure that, for the moment at least, Ianto was sleeping peacefully, did Jack allow himself to shift just enough that Ianto’s head wouldn’t cut off the circulation in his arm, did he allow himself to drift off.
() () () () ()
Jack glanced at the bedside clock when he first heard Ianto start to mutter in his sleep. Three and a half hours was quite a bit longer than he’d expected him to last. Before he’d fallen asleep he was still flinching half the time Jack touched him - especially when it was unexpected - so it said something about how tired he was if he’d gotten through so much of the night without dreaming.
Jack tugged him in tight, making sure Ianto’s hands were trapped between their chests just to be sure that he didn’t get punched in the face as Ianto struggled against his dreams as Jack woke him. “Ianto,” Jack whispered, one hand rubbing up and down Ianto’s spine.
Ianto started struggling against Jack’s hold, but Jack was sure that he wasn’t struggling against him. He was certain there would be many nights in the near future when Ianto would fight the bastards who’d beaten and terrified him. He wondered how many Ianto would let him help him through. “Ianto,” he said louder, the gentle strokes turning into vigorous rubbing. “Come on, Ianto, you need to wake up. You need to open your eyes.”
A loud gasp was the only warning Jack got as Ianto put all his strength into forcing them apart by shoving on Jack’s chest. Hard.
Jack just managed to keep a hold of Ianto’s shirt, which was the only thing that kept Ianto from toppling himself right off the bed. “Easy,” Jack crooned as he pulled Ianto back to him. “You were having a nightmare, that’s all.” Jack slid his hand down to Ianto’s side and pulled him back in.
Ianto hissed and knocked his hand aside, nearly falling off the side of the bed again. Jack reacted quickly, moving to grab his arm, where he could see skin so that he wouldn’t hit another bruise or bump. “Sorry, sorry. It’s alright Sorry. You okay?”
Jack watched as Ianto visibly calmed himself and nodded. Ianto regained his balance, scooting in closer to Jack and after a minute he let go of his offended sided. “I’m okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m alright.”
Jack wasn’t sure exactly whom he was trying to convince. He carefully coaxed Ianto back into his arms. “We expected this, it was just a nightmare. Just settle back down. You slept a long time actually. Longer than I expected anyway.”
“What about you?” Ianto mumbled into Jack’s chest.
“I slept too. Most of the time you were asleep actually. I fell asleep about ten or fifteen minutes after you did. I was still asleep when you started dreaming. That’s actually more than a good night’s sleep for me.”
“I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t realize -“
Jack silenced him with a soft kiss. “Stop.” When it looked like Ianto was going to apologize again, Jack put a finger to his lips. “No, I mean it. Don’t apologize.”
Ianto let out a sigh, not saying anything since apologies seemed to be the only thing he could think of. He rolled onto his side, his back to Jack. Predictably, his dreams had been horrific. Everything he’d been through lately was weaving and blending together. Lisa. Jack’s gun at his head. Heads in an icebox. A baseball bat connecting with his ribs. He let out a shaky breath, determined not to start crying. He willed himself not to flinch as Jack spooned up behind him.
“This is exactly why I wanted you to stay. Because it’s not going to be an easy night for either of us.” Jack gently brushed Ianto’s hair back. He dropped his head, his face resting in the warm space between Ianto’s neck and shoulder. “I did this to you.” Jack bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to voice that. Ianto didn’t need to deal with the guilt racing through Jack’s head.
Ianto started and turned so he could see Jack. “That’s ridiculous.”
“No it’s not,” Jack insisted, realizing that he was into the conversation now, whether he wanted to be or not. “It was supposed to be a quiet trip out to the country, I figured I’d somehow con you into sharing a tent with me so we could talk for a while; you’d get some time out with the team and we could put the whole mess with Lisa behind us. Instead I nearly got you killed and exposed you to monsters far worse than anything I’ve seen in almost two hundred years of existence and a travelogue of dozens of planets.” Jack took a deep breath. He was mad at himself for how this had gone down, not at Ianto, but it was unlikely that Ianto would understand that if he couldn’t soften his voice. He rested his head on Ianto’s shoulder for a second as he squared himself away. Without looking up he said, “Believe me when I tell you that you’re doing me a favor by being here.” He shifted to rest on one elbow, his head propped up on his hand. He took another calming breath and reached out to stroke Ianto’s face. “Seriously. I need to know you’re okay. It may sound … I don’t know… sappy… but…I wouldn’t have slept if you’d gone home. I would have just sat up and worried…” he trailed off and shrugged.
“It’s nice,” Ianto said softly, surprised to find himself comforting Jack. “I didn’t fancy going home to my empty flat. I really didn’t.”
Jack slid back down and gathered Ianto up in his arms and kissed him softly on the lips. He hadn’t realized how much tension of his own he’d been holding until he felt it release as Ianto kissed him back tentatively. Jack smiled against Ianto’s lips, feeling truly relieved for the first time since the SUV went missing. “You can stay anytime you want.” Jack kissed his forehead, settling himself down. “Think you can get some more sleep?”
Ianto nodded, yawning with comic timing. “Guess so,” he said sheepishly.
Jack laughed as they both wiggled and settled next to each other.
“You?” Ianto asked as his eyes drifted shut.
Jack found himself surprised to realize that even with all the sleep he’d already gotten, he still felt like he might be able to drift off again. Of course, he noted to himself, he always slept better and slept more when he had a reason to stay in bed. And keeping Ianto safe and comfortable was a damn good reason. “Yeah, at least a little more.” He carefully blanked his mind, and without putting any conscious effort into it, he matched his breathing to Ianto’s slow, measured inhalations and exhalations and let himself drift off. He was sure he’d have to wake Ianto again once he started dreaming, but for now, knowing that Ianto was safe and whole, that their relationship had not only withstood Lisa, but the worst humanity could throw at them. That was really all Jack needed to know in order to get a good night’s sleep.