(no subject)
so my sleeping patterns have gone again. and i've been missing college. i think on some level i'm skipping it so much because when (note no if here) i get booted out then i'll actually have a proper reason to go home and there will be an end to all the skipping to and fro on that front. if everything seems unnecessarily hard for me at the moment i'm certain it's only because i'm making everything as difficult for myself as possible. so just cutting myself off from reality and losing myself in books, music, games, the sky all seem better and it works to an extent; when i'm somewhere else i'm not here, you know? not here.
"you and your letters are gone forever ..."
i watched lost in translation again, along with all the bonus features on the dvd. i cried at the end like i always do. not big tears but the silent, slow type where you almost forget to breathe it's so quiet. today i don't care if i don't go to university. i don't care if i never get a good job, a good house, a good anything. today i don't care if my essays are overdue or that it's cold in my bedroom. i don't care because when i look outside of my windows i see nothing that i like, nothing beautiful, nothing real. and the places i stand keep shrinking. i can't find my place here and i just. don't. care. i should, probably, but i don't. i just want to close my eyes and slowly phase everything out until all i see are the stories i've created on my eyelids and all i hear is the ambiguity that nothing brings.
best not to update at this time of the morning again, methinks. and where have all the capitals gone?
"you and your letters are gone forever ..."
i watched lost in translation again, along with all the bonus features on the dvd. i cried at the end like i always do. not big tears but the silent, slow type where you almost forget to breathe it's so quiet. today i don't care if i don't go to university. i don't care if i never get a good job, a good house, a good anything. today i don't care if my essays are overdue or that it's cold in my bedroom. i don't care because when i look outside of my windows i see nothing that i like, nothing beautiful, nothing real. and the places i stand keep shrinking. i can't find my place here and i just. don't. care. i should, probably, but i don't. i just want to close my eyes and slowly phase everything out until all i see are the stories i've created on my eyelids and all i hear is the ambiguity that nothing brings.
best not to update at this time of the morning again, methinks. and where have all the capitals gone?