Book Review - How Can I Let Go If I Don't Know I'm Holding On?
I started reading this book as part of a Lenten study group at the local Episcopal church. When we went to the church for Ash Wednesday service, I noticed they were reading it as their Lenten study and I instantly felt that it was something I needed to read during my time of discernment. I told Josh last night that this book has completely changed my life. It truly is transformative - as long as you read it with an open mind and an open heart, and are willing to be completely honest with yourself. She challenged me in a way I have not been challenged before. And I have to be completely honest - there are things I discovered about myself that I didn't like.
The book is broken up into four parts: 1) Letting Go - Why? 2) Letting Go - Of What? 3) Letting Go - How? and 4) Am I on the Right Track?
The why seems really simple, but she doesn't write only about why we should let go, but more importantly, why are we stuck in the first place? I think it was this first part that affected me the most. So often we don't even realize that we ARE stuck, or that there is anything that we need to let go of. Or, if we do realize we are stuck, we are so afraid of taking a risk to something different, and maybe even unknown, that we are paralyzed by our fear.
In the what section, she uses tons and tons of examples of things that we hold on to and breaks them up into five sections (I call them the 5 P's): people, personas, perspectives, patterns, and plans. There is most definitely something for everyone. I identified several examples in each section that I hold on to in one form or another. One of the most powerful to me is the need to let go of the perspective "I Must Be Sure." So often I hesitate in making a decision because I'm afraid that it's the wrong decision. I hold on to the idea that I have to be 100% sure that God is calling me to do that thing before I want to commit to it. Douty says "God's guidance usually evolves one step at a time. Rather than wait for the entire agenda to be laid before us, we're called simply to take the next step." So I'm working on taking the next step, and trusting that God's light will lead me along the steps I am called to make.
She divides the how section into five steps: Awareness, Availability, Action, Allowance, and Acceptance. We first have to become aware of the fact that we need to let go, and also of what we need to let go. Most often, this awareness comes from self-reflection and silent meditation. We then have to be available to the process of letting go - we have to DO that what we KNOW we need to do. So, we move towards action ... taking part in some activity that will help us let go. The hardest part for me is the allowance and acceptance part. We have to allow the process to work - it doesn't happen overnight, it takes time. She uses a garden metaphor. After you've done all the work in planting flowers, you have to step back, nurture it, and allow the growth to happen. The nurturing part is hardest when you can't see immediate results.
It's a wonderfully fabulous book. I've recommended it to several people as I've been reading along the way. Linda Douty gets five stars from me. For challenging me, for inspiring me, for transforming me, for calling me out, and for being a glimpse of God to me through her words.