How things have changed
Well, my oh my its been so long since I last wrote on here. So much has changed, and I dont even know where to begin. I really dont know why I have started writing on here again. I guess it's because sometimes I feel like I have no place to turn. I know that sounds silly, but my husband doesn't really understand me a whole lot, and Ryan, well I can talk to him, but he just gives me baby talk back. Not big on making conversation. Anyways, yes, I have a baby now. Pretty crazy eh. I never really thought I would be 20 years old and raising a baby, but hey, Im lovin it. He is the new obsession in my life. Love doesn't get any better than when you have a baby smiling at you. And nothing hurts worse than when those little tears come pouring down their soft little cheeks. He really is great.
To say the least, 2004 didn't quite start off as I had planned. I found out that I was pregnant on February 6th, and then all hell came about. First, my parents nearly exploded and nearly killed me and Mike for getting pregnant. Then my sister-in-law got all upset because I apparently ruined her life by having the first grandchild and flat out told me that she didn't want anything to do with my baby. I thought that was pretty crappy, but hey it Jen so she basically gets to say whatever and nothing ever happens. Then there was this big fight because my parents decided to help me and Mike get married, so then Jen decided to through a fit because she thought my wedding was better than hers. Ummm she had to parents. If she wanted a better wedding why didn't she have them pay for it? Why does it always have to be my parents? I am their daughter in case someone forgot. Anywho, Mikes mom and dad decided to barely help with the wedding, so who do u think got stuck with the bill, my parents of course. Why? Because Mikes parents decide to spend their money at the fucking casino. But no one seems to really care about that, so I'm just going to shut my mouth.
Okay, so we will skip ahead to the wedding. It was great, had a lot of fun, and everything turned out just like I had planned, thanks to my mom and dad. But, oh well, it was great and I guess thats all that mattered.
So, come October the great little bundle of joy is brought into my life. Happiest day of my life, and also the most painful. 13 fucking hours. But worth every minute. Ryan Michael Barragan was born October 6, 2004 at 6:55 p.m. Weighing in at just under 8 lbs.
First month with Ryan wasn't so much fun, I seriously would goes days without sleeping. Thanks to Colic, Ryan would scream, all the time. Poor guy, but he eventually got over it, and now, he's a perfect little man.
Okay,so as of today, married, baby, work, and life sucks. Well, I really shouldn't say that. I actually have it pretty good. I love my baby, I actually kinda like my job, it's my husband who I can't really seem to figure out. I love him. I really do. Why do I feel like we have just lost that...spark....everyone keeps talking about. I dont really feel like there is any romance between the two of us. Everyone keeps telling me it's because of the baby, well folks, no its not. I want romance, and I want that spark back. I want Mike to walk in and surprise me with flowers one day, or jewelry or something like that. He's never done that!!!! When I have a bad day, I want him to make it better. And I want to be able to do the same for him. As of right now, I dont want to do those things because I feel just....unwanted, or something of that sort. If it has to do with sex, well then Mike is all for it, but if not, or if it doesn't benifit him in some way then he doesn't see a need for it. I have needs. I just dont think he thinks they are very important. I want romance. Lots of it. And it doesn't have to be everyday, no, thats not what I mean. Just sometimes, I want to feel special. I feel old. I know its not his fault that he doesn't do these things for me, it's because of his dad. His dad doesn't do shit like this for his mom. See my dad does stuff like this for my mom all the time. I bet there isn't one day that goes by that she doesn't feel loved. I wish Mike was like my dad. Then he would be perfect.
To say the least, 2004 didn't quite start off as I had planned. I found out that I was pregnant on February 6th, and then all hell came about. First, my parents nearly exploded and nearly killed me and Mike for getting pregnant. Then my sister-in-law got all upset because I apparently ruined her life by having the first grandchild and flat out told me that she didn't want anything to do with my baby. I thought that was pretty crappy, but hey it Jen so she basically gets to say whatever and nothing ever happens. Then there was this big fight because my parents decided to help me and Mike get married, so then Jen decided to through a fit because she thought my wedding was better than hers. Ummm she had to parents. If she wanted a better wedding why didn't she have them pay for it? Why does it always have to be my parents? I am their daughter in case someone forgot. Anywho, Mikes mom and dad decided to barely help with the wedding, so who do u think got stuck with the bill, my parents of course. Why? Because Mikes parents decide to spend their money at the fucking casino. But no one seems to really care about that, so I'm just going to shut my mouth.
Okay, so we will skip ahead to the wedding. It was great, had a lot of fun, and everything turned out just like I had planned, thanks to my mom and dad. But, oh well, it was great and I guess thats all that mattered.
So, come October the great little bundle of joy is brought into my life. Happiest day of my life, and also the most painful. 13 fucking hours. But worth every minute. Ryan Michael Barragan was born October 6, 2004 at 6:55 p.m. Weighing in at just under 8 lbs.
First month with Ryan wasn't so much fun, I seriously would goes days without sleeping. Thanks to Colic, Ryan would scream, all the time. Poor guy, but he eventually got over it, and now, he's a perfect little man.
Okay,so as of today, married, baby, work, and life sucks. Well, I really shouldn't say that. I actually have it pretty good. I love my baby, I actually kinda like my job, it's my husband who I can't really seem to figure out. I love him. I really do. Why do I feel like we have just lost that...spark....everyone keeps talking about. I dont really feel like there is any romance between the two of us. Everyone keeps telling me it's because of the baby, well folks, no its not. I want romance, and I want that spark back. I want Mike to walk in and surprise me with flowers one day, or jewelry or something like that. He's never done that!!!! When I have a bad day, I want him to make it better. And I want to be able to do the same for him. As of right now, I dont want to do those things because I feel just....unwanted, or something of that sort. If it has to do with sex, well then Mike is all for it, but if not, or if it doesn't benifit him in some way then he doesn't see a need for it. I have needs. I just dont think he thinks they are very important. I want romance. Lots of it. And it doesn't have to be everyday, no, thats not what I mean. Just sometimes, I want to feel special. I feel old. I know its not his fault that he doesn't do these things for me, it's because of his dad. His dad doesn't do shit like this for his mom. See my dad does stuff like this for my mom all the time. I bet there isn't one day that goes by that she doesn't feel loved. I wish Mike was like my dad. Then he would be perfect.