wanting something to happen?
ok this is gonna be an entry where i spill my guys out about anything thats on my mind because maybe if i get it out everything will change for me....so here it goes
mike is of course the first topic tonight....i just got off the phone from him and he said taht things lately have been going down hill. that upset me when he said that but i understand wut he means. for a while now ive been feeling really depressed and down lately about everythign i do and im pretty much letting it out on mike. ive been a bitch towards him and he doesnt deserve that wut so ever..ive talked to him about how ive been feeling nowadays with being depressed and shit like that...rite now i truely feel taht hes going to break up with me if i dont shape up....i mean i admit im not myself at all the past couple of days and im just scared taht something bad is going to happen....and i also think taht im probly jealous a bit of mike as well.....he has a job, he knos wut he wants to do and sticks with it, he has lots of friends taht he can hang out with, and i dont think he deserves a girlfriend who isnt by him and who is a complete bitch towards him...i just hope he sees through all this shit taht is going on and give me a chance to become my good old self once again.
another thing that has been bothering me is the way i dont treat myself to anything. ive always been the person who gives to people and make sure taht they are ok and make sure that they have everythign they need for example.... i buy useless things that have really no meaning wut so ever but i buy them for people to make them feel happy... i drive constantly everyone everywhere they need to go! i hate doing it but i want to bcuz i want them to feel they can rely on me and crap like taht...all i need is a day to myself...like go out by myself or go to a spa or jsut stay at home with the phone unplugged and watched movies with no one bothering me.... but the thing is i cant unless everyone is a happy person and i guess rite now my being unhappy is to do with other ppl not being happy with their bf/gf or their school or something like that...its not like i dont care about any of those i really do, but i think i just need a day off of the drama
now since ive flooded the room with tears and getting advice from friends i feel ive accomplished more today and i will hopefully be full of joy tm....i just hope so...........
mike is of course the first topic tonight....i just got off the phone from him and he said taht things lately have been going down hill. that upset me when he said that but i understand wut he means. for a while now ive been feeling really depressed and down lately about everythign i do and im pretty much letting it out on mike. ive been a bitch towards him and he doesnt deserve that wut so ever..ive talked to him about how ive been feeling nowadays with being depressed and shit like that...rite now i truely feel taht hes going to break up with me if i dont shape up....i mean i admit im not myself at all the past couple of days and im just scared taht something bad is going to happen....and i also think taht im probly jealous a bit of mike as well.....he has a job, he knos wut he wants to do and sticks with it, he has lots of friends taht he can hang out with, and i dont think he deserves a girlfriend who isnt by him and who is a complete bitch towards him...i just hope he sees through all this shit taht is going on and give me a chance to become my good old self once again.
another thing that has been bothering me is the way i dont treat myself to anything. ive always been the person who gives to people and make sure taht they are ok and make sure that they have everythign they need for example.... i buy useless things that have really no meaning wut so ever but i buy them for people to make them feel happy... i drive constantly everyone everywhere they need to go! i hate doing it but i want to bcuz i want them to feel they can rely on me and crap like taht...all i need is a day to myself...like go out by myself or go to a spa or jsut stay at home with the phone unplugged and watched movies with no one bothering me.... but the thing is i cant unless everyone is a happy person and i guess rite now my being unhappy is to do with other ppl not being happy with their bf/gf or their school or something like that...its not like i dont care about any of those i really do, but i think i just need a day off of the drama
now since ive flooded the room with tears and getting advice from friends i feel ive accomplished more today and i will hopefully be full of joy tm....i just hope so...........