thanksss giving
it is the wee hours of the morning on thanksgiving. it has been raining all night. loud, hard pulsating rain. it whipped through my window and wet my chemistry book. it excited me for a moment. the thrill of the lack of control. i wanted it to take me in its arms and move my body to the rhythm. i wanted it to moisten my skin, caress my face, and penetrate my body. i wanted it to chill my bones and make me feel every neuron in my body.
it is thanksgiving. in the wee hours of the morning. my cat is laying in the crook of my arm, snoring. he gracefully gets up, stretches, and moves to lay on my legs. his warmth, his whispers, his little grunts make me feel alive. these two are the loves my life. i love them with every fiber of my body. maybe i am not made for motherhood with humans...but i am sure made for it with animals.
it is thanksgiving morning. in the wee hours...and i think to myself what exactly am i thankful for this year? where am i in life right now? i spent half the week stressing about school, feeling guilty because i cannot go home. what is good in my life right now?
i went through and read my journal up to a year ago. a year ago i was stressing over applications to nursing school. i thought i was stuck in my horrible job. i was nervous and frustrated.
what i am thankful for is this:
getting into 3 of the 4 schools i applied to.
working my ass off and getting at the least a 3.5 this semester.
meeting people in my program and being able to get along with everyone but evil megan.
knowing there is someone out there that, although totally unavailable to me now, gets me, makes me laugh, and looks super sexy in glasses. i feel like it is rare you meet someone who is smart, funny, attractive, and not a complete dick.
and though the universe has yet to align our stars, it is a nice feeling having him in my daily life.
i am thankful for my family who has gone to the ends of the earth for me...especially this year during nursing school. my sister and her husband helping me get a condo and finding a way to invest my money. my mom, who although i know it killed her to say, "it is o.k. if you don't come home because you have finals around the corner. i don't want to add stress to your life..." said it anyway, knowing that i was panicked about her visiting me 2 weeks before finals.
i am thankful for friends, who call me just to see how my test went, who send me good-luck wishes, who don't hate me when i have to study, and who are there when i wanna finally break the mold and go out.
i am thankful for a car, that just was said to be in perfect condition *knocks on wood.*
for my friends at school such as pat, nicole, sarah, erin, katie, shannon, stacey, kristine and angela. i am thankful to have them there when i sit in the hall and cry over nutrition, or stress about tests. i don't know where i would be without stacey sending me articles and emailing daily to see how i am doing. for angela, who constantly says, "stop stressing! it is a test. you will do fine." for nicole, who sat in the hall on the day of my breakdown, and told me how much she felt like crying too. to kristine, who told me that she wanted to deck my teacher for being such an asshole. and for her advise on how to fix that. and for pat...for amusing me everyday in class..because ichat in class is the best way to pass time :)
it is almost 2 a.m. in the wee hours of thanksgiving day...
i am thankful for being let go 3 years ago. for being allowed to be me...live my life...to become this person. it was the hardest thing i have ever been through. it was the worst year of my life. but i am here now. i have arrived. and i am thankful.
it is thanksgiving. in the wee hours of the morning. my cat is laying in the crook of my arm, snoring. he gracefully gets up, stretches, and moves to lay on my legs. his warmth, his whispers, his little grunts make me feel alive. these two are the loves my life. i love them with every fiber of my body. maybe i am not made for motherhood with humans...but i am sure made for it with animals.
it is thanksgiving morning. in the wee hours...and i think to myself what exactly am i thankful for this year? where am i in life right now? i spent half the week stressing about school, feeling guilty because i cannot go home. what is good in my life right now?
i went through and read my journal up to a year ago. a year ago i was stressing over applications to nursing school. i thought i was stuck in my horrible job. i was nervous and frustrated.
what i am thankful for is this:
getting into 3 of the 4 schools i applied to.
working my ass off and getting at the least a 3.5 this semester.
meeting people in my program and being able to get along with everyone but evil megan.
knowing there is someone out there that, although totally unavailable to me now, gets me, makes me laugh, and looks super sexy in glasses. i feel like it is rare you meet someone who is smart, funny, attractive, and not a complete dick.
and though the universe has yet to align our stars, it is a nice feeling having him in my daily life.
i am thankful for my family who has gone to the ends of the earth for me...especially this year during nursing school. my sister and her husband helping me get a condo and finding a way to invest my money. my mom, who although i know it killed her to say, "it is o.k. if you don't come home because you have finals around the corner. i don't want to add stress to your life..." said it anyway, knowing that i was panicked about her visiting me 2 weeks before finals.
i am thankful for friends, who call me just to see how my test went, who send me good-luck wishes, who don't hate me when i have to study, and who are there when i wanna finally break the mold and go out.
i am thankful for a car, that just was said to be in perfect condition *knocks on wood.*
for my friends at school such as pat, nicole, sarah, erin, katie, shannon, stacey, kristine and angela. i am thankful to have them there when i sit in the hall and cry over nutrition, or stress about tests. i don't know where i would be without stacey sending me articles and emailing daily to see how i am doing. for angela, who constantly says, "stop stressing! it is a test. you will do fine." for nicole, who sat in the hall on the day of my breakdown, and told me how much she felt like crying too. to kristine, who told me that she wanted to deck my teacher for being such an asshole. and for her advise on how to fix that. and for pat...for amusing me everyday in class..because ichat in class is the best way to pass time :)
it is almost 2 a.m. in the wee hours of thanksgiving day...
i am thankful for being let go 3 years ago. for being allowed to be me...live my life...to become this person. it was the hardest thing i have ever been through. it was the worst year of my life. but i am here now. i have arrived. and i am thankful.