lucky thirteen
I spent all day putting this together. Please don't look at it.
[private to Ichigo]
Do you remember the time on the bridge in front of the Senzaikyuu when you came flying from somewhere to try to save us? Kuchiki-taichou had already nearly killed Ganju-san, and Rukia-san and I were near the tower. That was the first time the two of you had seen each other since she was captured in the living world, right? I know how much you must have wanted to see her and talk to her. Anyone would have expected you to ignore everyone but her and the enemy.
But you didn't, Ichigo-san. You saw the state I was in, and before even saying a word to her, you took the time to comfort me. I didn't say anything at time-- I couldn't-- but it meant more to me than I can ever express. Thank you.
(Of course, I know that to you, it probably didn't seem like it was anything special; you were just doing what came naturally, because that's the kind of person you are. That's what I love about you.)
... There's something else, too.
I was surprised when I found out about what happened right before Ise-fukutaichou, Shiba-fukutaichou and I were released-- that you trusted our safety to Aizen, and attacked Ichimaru before our return had been confirmed. I know that it's terribly unfair of me and that I don't have the right to feel this way, and please believe me when I say that I don't think what you did was wrong and I don't blame you for anything... but... it hurt a little bit.
I know it's stupid. I know it doesn't matter, because in the end, nothing did happen to us, and you're safe, and she's safe. So I really didn't care at first. I was just happy. And I'm still happy... and I'm still trying not to care. But somehow... a little at a time... it started to hurt.
You see, I couldn't imagine that... if the positions were reversed... If Rukia-san were the one they said they would release after a few days, and we others were the ones they wouldn't say anything about... that you would have acted the same way. Of course, I never doubted that you cared for her very deeply (much more deeply than you would for someone you didn't know as well, or who was only an ally for a short while). And I know that putting everything on the line for someone, the way you did for her-- and for Inoue-san, too, when she was taken away to Hueco Mundo-- isn't something that a lot of people are capable of. But I guess I thought for a while that you would have done it for any of us.
Even now, though, I suppose that hasn't stopped being true. I was just mistaken about what "us" meant to you. (If anything has changed, then I know it must be my fault, and I'm sorry.)
I never planned on telling you that, and I didn't want you ever to find out. I'm only saying it now because it's true. And the truth is also-- that that hurt is such an incredibly small thing compared to how much you've done for me and for everyone, how much I admire you, and how truly grateful I'll always be, that it barely even registers. There's nothing about you that I'd ever want to change. You went to Soul Society back then to save Rukia-san, but you really did save me, too, more than you probably know. And you did it just by being who you are. Thank you.
[private to Kira]
You look tired whenever I see you...
Sometimes I wonder whether you eat a balanced diet.
[private to Unohana]
I think you're wonderful.
I always knew that you were a kind person who cared about your subordinates, but it wasn't until very recently that it occurred to me that you actually cared about me. That makes me really, really happy; thank you so much.
It doesn't change the fact that I'm still extremely frightened of you sometimes, but... that's probably something that can't be helped.
For a long time, I didn't understand why you let the other divisions treat us the way they do. I mean, I've always known that in my case, it's my own fault that people treat me like that, but that's just for me personally... It never seemed fair that, just because our talents were more suited for support than combat, we were looked down on and treated like we weren't worth as much as shinigami from other divisions. We all took the same qualifying exam when we joined the Gotei 13, so it wasn't as though the people who ended up joining our division somehow had less of a right to be there than those who ended up in other divisions. And I know that in general, people only have control over themselves, so they can't do anything about the way other people feel and the things they do, but... for a captain, it's a little different. I sort of thought that if you had wanted to, you could have done something about it. With your strength and influence, you could have made the disrespectful or abusive people from other divisions change their behaviour-- not just in individual cases, but for all of us, forever. I thought you could easily have done that, and I couldn't understand why you didn't.
But I think I figured it out eventually. Being captain didn't mean it was your responsibility to oversee and control the way people treat each other, and in the end, it wasn't our responsibility, either. It's a great virtue to be merciful. Our job isn't to teach other people a lesson, or to try to change them. It's not something that can be forced, and even if things never change for us or if some people never do learn, it's all right. Not just in fourth division, but in the world as a whole, all we need to do is put forth our best effort at our duties and always treat others with the kindness and respect that everyone deserves-- not because it means they'll necessarily do the same for us, but because it's the right thing to do. Your actions taught me that, and it changed things for the better. Thank you.
[private to Byakuya]
Please try to keep in mind the fact that I already know that I have no right to any of these feelings, and that I would make them disappear if I could. I have done my best to throw them away, but it hasn't yet been good enough. So although I know it doesn't make any real difference to someone in your position how someone in mine might think about you, I still want to say that I know my feelings are unfair and contemptible, and for that, I am deeply, deeply sorry.
For a little while after all the things that happened with Rukia-san's execution and Aizen's betrayal, I couldn't even hear your name without feeling like I was going to throw up. It wasn't that I hated you or felt contempt or fear or-- anything in particular, really. I had no idea what it was I was feeling. I just knew that thinking about you hurt, so I buried it away. But when I found out I was going to have to deal with it-- this was a few days before we went to Hueco Mundo-- I started thinking about it, since there was no choice.
The first thing I thought about was Rukia-san, and all the things you never did for her. She didn't tell me very much about it, but it seemed like even when she was imprisoned there, she looked up to you; she was grateful to you. So the first thing I thought was that maybe the reason I felt the way about you I did was that I don't believe you were worthy of her gratitude. And maybe some part of me was angry with you because of how close your actions took us to losing something irreplaceable.
It's different now, of course. You did save her in the end, even if you had to be defeated in battle before you realised you wanted to protect her. And I'm happy, because she knows now that even if you chose never to show it for so long, you really do care. (I want to reiterate that I already know that's none of my business.)
The next thing I thought was that maybe it wasn't because of her at all that I felt like that. After all, you did try to kill me. There are a lot of things I remember about that moment-- the terror of it, and the way everything got kind of quiet and cold, and the sense that I wasn't going to have enough time to get through all the emotions I needed to feel-- but again I tend to think, first, of her. She struggled to her feet to stand in front of me-- trying to protect me, the way she would have a helpless child or a lingering spirit-- in a panic and begging you, Please, stop. But you didn't stop. You didn't even hesitate. Do you remember?
(You had already nearly cut Ganju-san to ribbons by then. I've never really understood why you felt it was necessary to kill me, too. Of course because of the special wartime conditions, you had no obligation to let us live long enough to be arrested and tried, but it wasn't as if I could have escaped at that point. Maybe you simply didn't see the point in taking up anyone's time or prison space when you could just as easily expedite our inevitable death sentences yourself. It's not that you didn't have the right. It's just that she was standing right next to me. She would have been covered in my blood.)
But you probably remember. Captain Ukitake physically stayed your hand at the last second. The simple application of brute force from a suitable individual did what all of our efforts, all of her begging, and all those years of lonely obedience couldn't. So it would make sense if that's why it still bothers me.
And, of course, maybe the real reason is jealousy. I did everything I possibly could for her; I threw everything away without even suspecting that I might get it back. I was really ready to die, just because I thought there was a chance it might save her. I would have done anything. I would still do anything. And you... not only did you refuse to fight for her, but you didn't even lift a finger to contest her sentence. You fought to see her executed. You were even more than willing to kill for it. But in the end, I couldn't save her, and you could. You shielded her from a fatal blow, and I wasn't even there for her when she was going to die.
Of course, I really hope it's nothing so petty as that, and I don't think that reflects my true feelings. It doesn't matter who saved her in the end; it's enough for me that she's safe. I never needed anything from her, and even if I had ended up dying or losing everything, I couldn't possibly have blamed her. After all, it's not as if she ever asked me to do anything to help her-- and even if she had, the decision to do it would still have been my own. Besides, I love her. Of course I don't begrudge her anything.
And then I think-- maybe it's not even really you that I feel this way about. Maybe what I was thinking of as 'you' is just something you represented to me; in my mind you might just have been a symbol of the way I felt when I was walking out to meet you on the bridge, or of what it would have meant to die like that, without accomplishing anything at all. Maybe what I thought I felt toward you is just the fear I still can't deal with when I think of all the ways things might have been different. Or the ways it might not have made that much difference at all.
In the end, it doesn't matter anymore. I didn't like having to do it, but I think I've figured out the way I feel about you, and I'm all right now. I'll always respect you; I couldn't help but do so. And I am truly grateful to you-- more than I can ever express-- for protecting her in the end, no matter why you may have chosen to do it. It's just that no matter how I try, and no matter how much I think about it, I can't find a single thing about you that I think is admirable.
I really don't dislike you, though.
[private to Renji]
I think you're wonderful.
Beyond just the obvious reasons, there's the fact that you've been so kind to me, I almost don't know how to react. ... Well, besides just being happy. I can't think of anything I wouldn't give you or do for you if you wanted me to.
But what could you possibly have been thinking when you fought Ichigo when we were on our way to the Senzaikyuu? I understand that you were probably conflicted and needed to resolve your frustration and anger at various people, and that doing it by having a serious fight must have made sense to you, but... that was stupid! One of you really could have died. You can't possibly have truly believed it would help anyone at all, least of all Rukia-san, if that had happened. Things didn't happen that way, of course, but if you think about it, it was mostly a coincidence that they didn't.
I'm sure there's a lot I don't understand about it, of course. The idea of my ever being able to show someone that I'm dominant or the strongest or something has always been so ridiculous that I don't think I ever ended up developing the normal kind of masculine pride or whatever. But even if I take that into consideration, it still seems like that was a really bad idea on your part.
[private to Kyouraku]
I've never really spoken to you, because it's never been my place to do so, and I don't actually know that much about you at all other than what everyone does. You're probably wonderful.
[private to Nanao]
It's really stupid, but I kind of considered it an honour to be held hostage at the same time as you. I don't mean anything weird by that.
[private to Hisagi]
You're really nice... it kind of surprised me.
That is, I don't think I thought you would be mean, but I didn't think you'd be that nice. It's probably because I have weird associations and preconceptions about people who look strong or cool...
[private to Matsumoto]
I, um... I had this dream one time that you were in. Most of it wasn't important... (there was something about soybeans, and I was looking at this person serving drinks and then it turned out I actually was that person...) But the end of it was you fell on top of me and went to sleep... and... I died of asphyxiation.
... It wasn't actually a nightmare, though.
I'm so sorry.
[private to Nemu]
I still find you a little intimidating, but I've really liked being able to talk to you and getting to see what kind of person you are as yourself rather than just as an adjunct to your captain. I don't mean to say that I'm glad he's not here... even though I actually am, because he seems creepy and kind of like a bad person... which isn't something I would normally ever say to you, since it's extremely rude... but I think my point was mainly just that it's felt sort of like a privilege, and you seem like a really good person.
Sometimes you don't seem like you're very happy, and I wish you could be.
[private to Ukitake]
I think you're wonderful. It's thanks to you that Ganju-san and I are still alive, and of course, you're one of the biggest reasons Rukia-san was saved, too. It had seemed to me that everything was falling apart and coming to an end after Captain Kuchiki had done what he did to Ganju-san, but you saved us, and even though I didn't completely understand it at the time, somehow you made everything better just by being there. The way your compassion and virtue seemed to be so easy and natural for you made a deep impression on me. I wish I had some way of repaying you for everything, and I wish every captain were like you.
[private to Kaien]
I don't think I properly expressed how glad I am that I got the chance to meet you in the first place, much less that I was able to be of any help to you. I think you're wonderful.
[private to Sentarou]
I was scared of you when we met (kind of) in front of the Senzaikyuu, even before you yelled at me. But I think I've realised now that you're not actually scary.
Maybe it's for the best that I didn't know that at the time.
[private to Kiyone]
You're really pretty, but I think your sister is prettier.
I'm sorry!!!
[private to Urahara]
If I weren't already working at the hospital, I probably would have asked for a job at your store. You're amazing and smart. I'm not entirely sure that you're a good person, but you probably are.
[private to Cirucci]
I know it's really weird that I talk to you and everything, considering the circumstances; I can't imagine I would ever have done it if it hadn't been for the fact that I was still pretty out of it at the time. Still, after starting one conversation with you, it somehow felt awkward not to keep doing it...
Maybe it's nothing but a weird justification, but I think that in a few ways, we really aren't that different. I don't mean that in an offensive way... It's just that I think almost none of us, shinigami or Arrancar, have ever really had the freedom to decide that many things for ourselves. We've all gone as far as we could away from our original powerlessness, and the only way to ensure that we can stay there is to keep following orders, regardless of how we feel about them.
Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I'll certainly stop bothering you if you like.
[private to Kururu]
I don't really know why I acted weird about it when you asked about nurses the other day, since that kind of thing doesn't normally bother me. ... I mean, not that it really bothered me then... I just acted weird about it.
Anyway, I like your hair, and I think you're wonderful.
[private to Minato]
It was selfish of me not to make you rice porridge when you were sick. I shouldn't have let myself get so wrapped up in my own issues, and I'm sorry.
[private to Raki]
You're really sweet, and I like you, but I worry about you a little. You shouldn't let people do things like injure you that badly during training. It didn't happen because you were too weak, but because your opponent was irresponsible and cruel.
[private to Amelia]
What you were doing during the war curse was right, and it wasn't my place to criticise your methods. I'm sorry.
[private to Rukia]
I love you.
[private to Ichigo]
Do you remember the time on the bridge in front of the Senzaikyuu when you came flying from somewhere to try to save us? Kuchiki-taichou had already nearly killed Ganju-san, and Rukia-san and I were near the tower. That was the first time the two of you had seen each other since she was captured in the living world, right? I know how much you must have wanted to see her and talk to her. Anyone would have expected you to ignore everyone but her and the enemy.
But you didn't, Ichigo-san. You saw the state I was in, and before even saying a word to her, you took the time to comfort me. I didn't say anything at time-- I couldn't-- but it meant more to me than I can ever express. Thank you.
(Of course, I know that to you, it probably didn't seem like it was anything special; you were just doing what came naturally, because that's the kind of person you are. That's what I love about you.)
... There's something else, too.
I was surprised when I found out about what happened right before Ise-fukutaichou, Shiba-fukutaichou and I were released-- that you trusted our safety to Aizen, and attacked Ichimaru before our return had been confirmed. I know that it's terribly unfair of me and that I don't have the right to feel this way, and please believe me when I say that I don't think what you did was wrong and I don't blame you for anything... but... it hurt a little bit.
I know it's stupid. I know it doesn't matter, because in the end, nothing did happen to us, and you're safe, and she's safe. So I really didn't care at first. I was just happy. And I'm still happy... and I'm still trying not to care. But somehow... a little at a time... it started to hurt.
You see, I couldn't imagine that... if the positions were reversed... If Rukia-san were the one they said they would release after a few days, and we others were the ones they wouldn't say anything about... that you would have acted the same way. Of course, I never doubted that you cared for her very deeply (much more deeply than you would for someone you didn't know as well, or who was only an ally for a short while). And I know that putting everything on the line for someone, the way you did for her-- and for Inoue-san, too, when she was taken away to Hueco Mundo-- isn't something that a lot of people are capable of. But I guess I thought for a while that you would have done it for any of us.
Even now, though, I suppose that hasn't stopped being true. I was just mistaken about what "us" meant to you. (If anything has changed, then I know it must be my fault, and I'm sorry.)
I never planned on telling you that, and I didn't want you ever to find out. I'm only saying it now because it's true. And the truth is also-- that that hurt is such an incredibly small thing compared to how much you've done for me and for everyone, how much I admire you, and how truly grateful I'll always be, that it barely even registers. There's nothing about you that I'd ever want to change. You went to Soul Society back then to save Rukia-san, but you really did save me, too, more than you probably know. And you did it just by being who you are. Thank you.
[private to Kira]
You look tired whenever I see you...
Sometimes I wonder whether you eat a balanced diet.
[private to Unohana]
I think you're wonderful.
I always knew that you were a kind person who cared about your subordinates, but it wasn't until very recently that it occurred to me that you actually cared about me. That makes me really, really happy; thank you so much.
It doesn't change the fact that I'm still extremely frightened of you sometimes, but... that's probably something that can't be helped.
For a long time, I didn't understand why you let the other divisions treat us the way they do. I mean, I've always known that in my case, it's my own fault that people treat me like that, but that's just for me personally... It never seemed fair that, just because our talents were more suited for support than combat, we were looked down on and treated like we weren't worth as much as shinigami from other divisions. We all took the same qualifying exam when we joined the Gotei 13, so it wasn't as though the people who ended up joining our division somehow had less of a right to be there than those who ended up in other divisions. And I know that in general, people only have control over themselves, so they can't do anything about the way other people feel and the things they do, but... for a captain, it's a little different. I sort of thought that if you had wanted to, you could have done something about it. With your strength and influence, you could have made the disrespectful or abusive people from other divisions change their behaviour-- not just in individual cases, but for all of us, forever. I thought you could easily have done that, and I couldn't understand why you didn't.
But I think I figured it out eventually. Being captain didn't mean it was your responsibility to oversee and control the way people treat each other, and in the end, it wasn't our responsibility, either. It's a great virtue to be merciful. Our job isn't to teach other people a lesson, or to try to change them. It's not something that can be forced, and even if things never change for us or if some people never do learn, it's all right. Not just in fourth division, but in the world as a whole, all we need to do is put forth our best effort at our duties and always treat others with the kindness and respect that everyone deserves-- not because it means they'll necessarily do the same for us, but because it's the right thing to do. Your actions taught me that, and it changed things for the better. Thank you.
[private to Byakuya]
Please try to keep in mind the fact that I already know that I have no right to any of these feelings, and that I would make them disappear if I could. I have done my best to throw them away, but it hasn't yet been good enough. So although I know it doesn't make any real difference to someone in your position how someone in mine might think about you, I still want to say that I know my feelings are unfair and contemptible, and for that, I am deeply, deeply sorry.
For a little while after all the things that happened with Rukia-san's execution and Aizen's betrayal, I couldn't even hear your name without feeling like I was going to throw up. It wasn't that I hated you or felt contempt or fear or-- anything in particular, really. I had no idea what it was I was feeling. I just knew that thinking about you hurt, so I buried it away. But when I found out I was going to have to deal with it-- this was a few days before we went to Hueco Mundo-- I started thinking about it, since there was no choice.
The first thing I thought about was Rukia-san, and all the things you never did for her. She didn't tell me very much about it, but it seemed like even when she was imprisoned there, she looked up to you; she was grateful to you. So the first thing I thought was that maybe the reason I felt the way about you I did was that I don't believe you were worthy of her gratitude. And maybe some part of me was angry with you because of how close your actions took us to losing something irreplaceable.
It's different now, of course. You did save her in the end, even if you had to be defeated in battle before you realised you wanted to protect her. And I'm happy, because she knows now that even if you chose never to show it for so long, you really do care. (I want to reiterate that I already know that's none of my business.)
The next thing I thought was that maybe it wasn't because of her at all that I felt like that. After all, you did try to kill me. There are a lot of things I remember about that moment-- the terror of it, and the way everything got kind of quiet and cold, and the sense that I wasn't going to have enough time to get through all the emotions I needed to feel-- but again I tend to think, first, of her. She struggled to her feet to stand in front of me-- trying to protect me, the way she would have a helpless child or a lingering spirit-- in a panic and begging you, Please, stop. But you didn't stop. You didn't even hesitate. Do you remember?
(You had already nearly cut Ganju-san to ribbons by then. I've never really understood why you felt it was necessary to kill me, too. Of course because of the special wartime conditions, you had no obligation to let us live long enough to be arrested and tried, but it wasn't as if I could have escaped at that point. Maybe you simply didn't see the point in taking up anyone's time or prison space when you could just as easily expedite our inevitable death sentences yourself. It's not that you didn't have the right. It's just that she was standing right next to me. She would have been covered in my blood.)
But you probably remember. Captain Ukitake physically stayed your hand at the last second. The simple application of brute force from a suitable individual did what all of our efforts, all of her begging, and all those years of lonely obedience couldn't. So it would make sense if that's why it still bothers me.
And, of course, maybe the real reason is jealousy. I did everything I possibly could for her; I threw everything away without even suspecting that I might get it back. I was really ready to die, just because I thought there was a chance it might save her. I would have done anything. I would still do anything. And you... not only did you refuse to fight for her, but you didn't even lift a finger to contest her sentence. You fought to see her executed. You were even more than willing to kill for it. But in the end, I couldn't save her, and you could. You shielded her from a fatal blow, and I wasn't even there for her when she was going to die.
Of course, I really hope it's nothing so petty as that, and I don't think that reflects my true feelings. It doesn't matter who saved her in the end; it's enough for me that she's safe. I never needed anything from her, and even if I had ended up dying or losing everything, I couldn't possibly have blamed her. After all, it's not as if she ever asked me to do anything to help her-- and even if she had, the decision to do it would still have been my own. Besides, I love her. Of course I don't begrudge her anything.
And then I think-- maybe it's not even really you that I feel this way about. Maybe what I was thinking of as 'you' is just something you represented to me; in my mind you might just have been a symbol of the way I felt when I was walking out to meet you on the bridge, or of what it would have meant to die like that, without accomplishing anything at all. Maybe what I thought I felt toward you is just the fear I still can't deal with when I think of all the ways things might have been different. Or the ways it might not have made that much difference at all.
In the end, it doesn't matter anymore. I didn't like having to do it, but I think I've figured out the way I feel about you, and I'm all right now. I'll always respect you; I couldn't help but do so. And I am truly grateful to you-- more than I can ever express-- for protecting her in the end, no matter why you may have chosen to do it. It's just that no matter how I try, and no matter how much I think about it, I can't find a single thing about you that I think is admirable.
I really don't dislike you, though.
[private to Renji]
I think you're wonderful.
Beyond just the obvious reasons, there's the fact that you've been so kind to me, I almost don't know how to react. ... Well, besides just being happy. I can't think of anything I wouldn't give you or do for you if you wanted me to.
But what could you possibly have been thinking when you fought Ichigo when we were on our way to the Senzaikyuu? I understand that you were probably conflicted and needed to resolve your frustration and anger at various people, and that doing it by having a serious fight must have made sense to you, but... that was stupid! One of you really could have died. You can't possibly have truly believed it would help anyone at all, least of all Rukia-san, if that had happened. Things didn't happen that way, of course, but if you think about it, it was mostly a coincidence that they didn't.
I'm sure there's a lot I don't understand about it, of course. The idea of my ever being able to show someone that I'm dominant or the strongest or something has always been so ridiculous that I don't think I ever ended up developing the normal kind of masculine pride or whatever. But even if I take that into consideration, it still seems like that was a really bad idea on your part.
[private to Kyouraku]
I've never really spoken to you, because it's never been my place to do so, and I don't actually know that much about you at all other than what everyone does. You're probably wonderful.
[private to Nanao]
It's really stupid, but I kind of considered it an honour to be held hostage at the same time as you. I don't mean anything weird by that.
[private to Hisagi]
You're really nice... it kind of surprised me.
That is, I don't think I thought you would be mean, but I didn't think you'd be that nice. It's probably because I have weird associations and preconceptions about people who look strong or cool...
[private to Matsumoto]
I, um... I had this dream one time that you were in. Most of it wasn't important... (there was something about soybeans, and I was looking at this person serving drinks and then it turned out I actually was that person...) But the end of it was you fell on top of me and went to sleep... and... I died of asphyxiation.
... It wasn't actually a nightmare, though.
I'm so sorry.
[private to Nemu]
I still find you a little intimidating, but I've really liked being able to talk to you and getting to see what kind of person you are as yourself rather than just as an adjunct to your captain. I don't mean to say that I'm glad he's not here... even though I actually am, because he seems creepy and kind of like a bad person... which isn't something I would normally ever say to you, since it's extremely rude... but I think my point was mainly just that it's felt sort of like a privilege, and you seem like a really good person.
Sometimes you don't seem like you're very happy, and I wish you could be.
[private to Ukitake]
I think you're wonderful. It's thanks to you that Ganju-san and I are still alive, and of course, you're one of the biggest reasons Rukia-san was saved, too. It had seemed to me that everything was falling apart and coming to an end after Captain Kuchiki had done what he did to Ganju-san, but you saved us, and even though I didn't completely understand it at the time, somehow you made everything better just by being there. The way your compassion and virtue seemed to be so easy and natural for you made a deep impression on me. I wish I had some way of repaying you for everything, and I wish every captain were like you.
[private to Kaien]
I don't think I properly expressed how glad I am that I got the chance to meet you in the first place, much less that I was able to be of any help to you. I think you're wonderful.
[private to Sentarou]
I was scared of you when we met (kind of) in front of the Senzaikyuu, even before you yelled at me. But I think I've realised now that you're not actually scary.
Maybe it's for the best that I didn't know that at the time.
[private to Kiyone]
You're really pretty, but I think your sister is prettier.
I'm sorry!!!
[private to Urahara]
If I weren't already working at the hospital, I probably would have asked for a job at your store. You're amazing and smart. I'm not entirely sure that you're a good person, but you probably are.
[private to Cirucci]
I know it's really weird that I talk to you and everything, considering the circumstances; I can't imagine I would ever have done it if it hadn't been for the fact that I was still pretty out of it at the time. Still, after starting one conversation with you, it somehow felt awkward not to keep doing it...
Maybe it's nothing but a weird justification, but I think that in a few ways, we really aren't that different. I don't mean that in an offensive way... It's just that I think almost none of us, shinigami or Arrancar, have ever really had the freedom to decide that many things for ourselves. We've all gone as far as we could away from our original powerlessness, and the only way to ensure that we can stay there is to keep following orders, regardless of how we feel about them.
Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I'll certainly stop bothering you if you like.
[private to Kururu]
I don't really know why I acted weird about it when you asked about nurses the other day, since that kind of thing doesn't normally bother me. ... I mean, not that it really bothered me then... I just acted weird about it.
Anyway, I like your hair, and I think you're wonderful.
[private to Minato]
It was selfish of me not to make you rice porridge when you were sick. I shouldn't have let myself get so wrapped up in my own issues, and I'm sorry.
[private to Raki]
You're really sweet, and I like you, but I worry about you a little. You shouldn't let people do things like injure you that badly during training. It didn't happen because you were too weak, but because your opponent was irresponsible and cruel.
[private to Amelia]
What you were doing during the war curse was right, and it wasn't my place to criticise your methods. I'm sorry.
[private to Rukia]
I love you.