(no subject)
a little before christmas i helped my mom clean some houses (that is my moms job, guys) and one of the houses belonged to a man named barry fink. maybe i already told you this story, but barry fink is a very overweight man, maybe in his early fifties, and he lives in a small townhome in pikesville all by himself. in his house he has two bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, one and a half bathrooms, and a basement. i have never seen that basement, so maybe that is where barry fink really comes to life, i dont know, but in the other rooms there is dirty blue carpet (it probably came with the house), cracked linoleum in the kitchen, one medium sized television in the living room which faces a dirty blue sofa (i estimate that it is from 1992, it has a pattern that resembles greyhound seats and also really shiny wooden arm rests, you know). the point is, NOTHING in the house will give you any clue at all as to who barry fink is. no cds, no dvds, no clothing that is not totally neutral. he eats fucking corn flakes and chips-a-hoy, if you know what i mean. in the living room there is a desk with GET THIS - a calculator and a little pad of paper that says at the top "a note from barry fink". the crown jewel of the house hangs above the blue sofa and it is a painting (in a really extravagant golden frame!) of what i believe to be barry fink as a two year old in baby blue overalls and a little white dress shirt, sitting on the ground!!! HOLY CRAP!
before, i thought he had no interests what-so-ever, TOTALLY WRONG. barry fink likes college basketball. i know because today he was watching some on his really mediocre tv. also, while "dusting" upstairs, i overheard this conversation:
barry: i just put a new light bulb in there.
mom: oh, yesterday i put two new light bulbs in my chandelier, turned it on and both of them were defective, they just turned white!
barry: where do you buy your light bulbs?
mom: i bought these ones at the grocery store, i think...
barry: DON'T
mom: dont buy lightbulbs at the grocery store? maybe its more expensive, i was there anyway though, i guess...
barry: DOLLAR STORE. TWO PACKS FOR A DOLLAR.
mom: thats a good...
barry: best price you'll find.
mom: although, i bought batteries at the dollar store once and they dont really last as long...
barry: the light bulbs are good. sunbeam. i dont think theyre japanese, but im not sure...
HE HATES JAPANESE LIGHT BULBS? OR LOVES THEM? CANT TELL.
then i had this conversation, the only time barry fink has ever talked to me:
barry: are you in school?
katie: i go to community college.
barry: what do you study?
katie: oh, im just taking some classes so i can transfer, then i think i'll...
barry: go into medicine. they always need people in medicine.
katie: ok.
barry: my youngest daughter works down at the hospital now, scrub technician, only a 9 month course.
katie: oh, thats pretty quick...
WTF IS A SCRUB TECHNICIAN?
also, we had to go to the store to "pick a few things up" and that is why i have this, to treasure always...
before, i thought he had no interests what-so-ever, TOTALLY WRONG. barry fink likes college basketball. i know because today he was watching some on his really mediocre tv. also, while "dusting" upstairs, i overheard this conversation:
barry: i just put a new light bulb in there.
mom: oh, yesterday i put two new light bulbs in my chandelier, turned it on and both of them were defective, they just turned white!
barry: where do you buy your light bulbs?
mom: i bought these ones at the grocery store, i think...
barry: DON'T
mom: dont buy lightbulbs at the grocery store? maybe its more expensive, i was there anyway though, i guess...
barry: DOLLAR STORE. TWO PACKS FOR A DOLLAR.
mom: thats a good...
barry: best price you'll find.
mom: although, i bought batteries at the dollar store once and they dont really last as long...
barry: the light bulbs are good. sunbeam. i dont think theyre japanese, but im not sure...
HE HATES JAPANESE LIGHT BULBS? OR LOVES THEM? CANT TELL.
then i had this conversation, the only time barry fink has ever talked to me:
barry: are you in school?
katie: i go to community college.
barry: what do you study?
katie: oh, im just taking some classes so i can transfer, then i think i'll...
barry: go into medicine. they always need people in medicine.
katie: ok.
barry: my youngest daughter works down at the hospital now, scrub technician, only a 9 month course.
katie: oh, thats pretty quick...
WTF IS A SCRUB TECHNICIAN?
also, we had to go to the store to "pick a few things up" and that is why i have this, to treasure always...