Not a good summer...
I've been feeling horrible. This summer has made me question just who, or what for that matter, I am. It's been a roller-coaster of emotions that seems to be spiraling out of control. So many highs and lows that I can't explain anything that's going on in my head, even to myself, and that's scary. I'm not ready to be a senior in high-school, I'm not ready for my last year of being even somewhat of a kid to be gone. Just every part of me is screaming that I'm not gonna be able to pull it off. Not with a schedule that's require me to devote all of my time to school, and causing me depart from being able to hang with friends. Not that I was able to before, but at least the possibility was there.
And worst of all is the shaky state of my relationship. Ive tried to pull myself together and get it under control but, surprise surprise, I managed to fuck it up. I feel so utterly horrible that I honestly hope I could summon up the courage to tell my girlfriend she deserves much better than me. i'm probably the worst thing that's happened to her and I stole away two years of her life. Now she'll never got that time back and it's my fault. I ruined it for her...
I spent all of Saturday evening and all of Sunday waiting for the call or the knock on my door saying that it was over. Not that I want it to happen, quite the opposite. I wish that it won't happen, but I was starting to expect it, and it wouldn't have caught me off guard to hear it. I spent most of Saturday night in my bathroom throwing up because I just knew that it was over, that what I had done was the last straw and it was unforgivable. I'm still waiting for those words to be truthful. I really don't want to hear it, but I fully know that I am quite deserving.
Well, I can't think of what else to say, I feel like vomiting again so I think I'll go do that then try to finish this goddamn impossible economics assignment.
And worst of all is the shaky state of my relationship. Ive tried to pull myself together and get it under control but, surprise surprise, I managed to fuck it up. I feel so utterly horrible that I honestly hope I could summon up the courage to tell my girlfriend she deserves much better than me. i'm probably the worst thing that's happened to her and I stole away two years of her life. Now she'll never got that time back and it's my fault. I ruined it for her...
I spent all of Saturday evening and all of Sunday waiting for the call or the knock on my door saying that it was over. Not that I want it to happen, quite the opposite. I wish that it won't happen, but I was starting to expect it, and it wouldn't have caught me off guard to hear it. I spent most of Saturday night in my bathroom throwing up because I just knew that it was over, that what I had done was the last straw and it was unforgivable. I'm still waiting for those words to be truthful. I really don't want to hear it, but I fully know that I am quite deserving.
Well, I can't think of what else to say, I feel like vomiting again so I think I'll go do that then try to finish this goddamn impossible economics assignment.