[we could break a silver lining]
OMG I AM BACK AND SPAMMING AGAIN. I told you all to stop me, but you didn't listen. Anyway.
So, Teresa gave me this FANTASTIC idea to compile a list of Zivaisms (well, she wanted to know my 5 favorites, but whatever), so I started looking and ho shit, there are SO MANY GOOD NCIS QUOTES, WTF. So I was like, separate post time, here we come.
And here I am. Posting. Enough chatting. Let's get it on.
(from "Silver War")
Ziva: You might want to do something about your hair... it's sticking up like a porcuswine... oh, wrong words... a porcu... pig? (Tony gives her a funny look as McGee comes in) The little animal with the spiky tips!?
McGee: Porcupine?
Ziva: Porcupine! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.
Ziva: ...I feel like a donkey's butt.
McGee: Donkey's butt?
Tony: I think she meant 'Horse's Ass', McGee.
Ziva: Yes, that, too.
(And on a completely unrelated note, OMF TOTAL MCGIVA IN THIS EPISODE. Check out this quote:
McGee: Abby, Ziva was amazing, I mean... she's got a photographic memory.
(Abby looks offended)
McGee: What?
Abby: Why don't you two just get a room, McGee.
McGee: What... you think she likes me?
Abby: McGee, never forget... I am one of the few people in the world, who can murder you and... leave no forensic evidence.
- !!!! I have no words. Plus there is Tabbyness in this eppy. New favorite episode? Maybe.)
(from "Switch")
(Not really a Zivaism, but close enough. :p)
Ziva: Hinky? What's hinky?
Tony: You know, like when your gut is telling you something.
Ziva: I see. In my country we refer to that as gas.
Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: I think she may have had it confused with go fly a kite.
(from "The Voyeur's Web")
Ziva: I've been meaning to ask you about that, Tony. How does a 15-year-old boy go about meeting a coquette?
McGee: She means Rockette, Boss.
(from "Under Covers")
(and BOOOOOOO, I am not happy with Tony's choice of nickname for Ziva - that was supposed to be a McGiva thing)
Tony: We should take you to see the doctor, Sweet Cheeks.
Ziva: Why?
Tony: Because you snore like a drunken sailor with emphysema.
Ziva: Look who's calling the pot black.
Tony: Kettle. The pot is calling the kettle black.
(from "Boxed In")
(this one is TOO AWESOME FOR WORDS)
Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I'm braless!
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone there are bars...
Ziva: I think we've been screwed in here Tony.
Tony: The term is bolted.
Ziva: Same difference.
(from "Deception")
Gibbs: Are you waiting for an invitation Officer David?
Ziva: Oh, so you really are getting married?
DiNozzo: He means you're with me.
Ziva: Oh, I knew that.
(from "Light Sleeper")
Tony and Ziva waiting for Gibbs to interrogate a suspect)
Tony: This is gonna be good. Gibbs'll rip this guy apart.
Ziva: I don't know if that's the right tactic in this case, Tony.
Tony: What, are you an expert on suspect interviews now?
Ziva: Interviews, no. Interrogation techniques, yes.
Tony: Hm. Like hooking a car battery up to a guy's privates? I'm sure it's effective, but judges tend to frown on it.
Ziva: I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey.
Tony: Flies.
(pause)
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies..don't like..uh..vinegar.
(pause)
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It's complicated.
(from "Ravenous")
Ziva: Mind if I take a bat nap?
Female Park Ranger: No, just, um, hang from the rafters.
Ziva: I don't want him to think I'm sleazy.
Tony: The term is easy.
Ziva: What's the difference?
Tony: Mostly the makeup.
Ziva: It'll be like trying to find a pin in the haystack.
Tony: ...Needle...
Ziva: But, wouldn't it be harder to find the pin?
Tony/McGee: No.
(And a random one for the Tony/McGee slasher in us all.)
Abby: I was just about to call Tony and McGee. I think they were having sex.
Ziva (surprised): Tony and McGee?
Abby: No!
(Is that not a HOT idea? And an actual quote from the show! SUBTEXT!!!)
(from "Bait")
Tony: We need eyes in that classroom.
Ziva: SRT snaked cameras through the vents here and here. Both were taped shut. Kody was covering his plates.
Tony: Bases.
(from "Iced," aka the gayest episode of NCIS ever made)
Tony: This isn't about orientation. It's about image.
Ziva: So now your image is homopubic?
Tony: The term is homophobic and no. Prejudice of any kind is an ugly thing.
Ziva: I think Tony was jerking your brain.
McGee: Jerking my chain? Chain.
(from "Untouchable")
(Mainly b/c it's hot)
Tony: Really? You have a surround sound system too?
Ziva: No. I'm what you Americans call a .... screamer. Yes?
(And this one because OMF, IT IS THE SEXIEST THING ZIVA HAS EVER SAID. I remember watching this episode when it first aired and going, "DAYUM. This show is on at 7 PM??")
Ziva: What's the matter Tony? Afraid of a little pussy.... cat?
(Not really a Zivaism, but super cute.)
Ziva: This girl is a total turd.
(from "Bloodbath")
(Once again, just more slashy subtext. I don't know if it was Abby with Ziva or Jen, but it doesn't really matter.)
Tony: I showed up just in time. Another minute and you guys would have been braiding each others' hair.
Ziva: And who knows where that can lead to, Tony.
(from "Jeopardy")
Ziva: I feel like some sort of leopard!
(from "Hiatus (1)")
(Just because he said what we were all thinking.)
Tony: Abby! Front and center. You too Ziva. Let’s go! I know what happened. (Abby and Ziva start talking at the same time) Hey! If there’s going to be any bitch slapping on this team, I’ll do it. Clear? Good. Now shake hands. Shake. (Abby and Ziva reluctantly shake hands) There we go. That wasn’t so tough. Was it? Now how about a little hug? Big buddy hug. Come on. (They hug) Now a deep tongue kiss. (Both women hit Tony) Now we feel better.
(LOL, this one is the epitome of Zivaisms)
Ziva: Ducky, drip it!
Ducky: You mean drop it or zip it?
Ziva: American idioms drive me up the hall!
Ducky: Well, actually... never mind.
(from "Escaped")
Ziva: (looks confused) He volunteered to put meals on wheels?
(from "Singled Out")
Gibbs: (referring to Larry) He’s clean, Ziva.
Ziva: Yeah, well, you didn’t have to smell him, Gibbs!
Abby: Is it just me, or does he seem a little...
Ziva: Snitchy?
Abby: Well, that’s close enough. It’s gotta be that damn moustache.
Ziva: (Pretending to be a nerd) I like computers, and the thing you do with the yarn.
Ziva: You've been whining like a little snitch all week!
Tony: The term is bitch.
Ziva: I know. I was being polite!
(from "Dead and Unburied")
(Because I can't resist the juvenile nature of this show)
Ziva: Tony just put his hand down another man's pocket and it made him very happy.
(from "Witch Hunt")
Ziva: (to Gibbs) Well ah, according to someone called ah... scuttle.. butt... he caught his wife cheating on him.
(from "Once a Hero")
Ziva: You okay?
Tony: Never better.
Ziva: You look run over.
Tony: The term is "run down". ... I do?
Ziva: Maybe you need servicing?
Tony: Clearly we are still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language.
Ziva: The "finely tuned engine" I think you called it. You should see a doctor.
(from "Twisted Sister")
(Ha, this one Ziva actually had right, and it was Gibbs who had it wrong. :p)
Gibbs: Do you know what a "clog" is.
Ziva: I thought it was called a "blog" but maybe my English is not as good as I thought.
(from "Smoked")
Ziva: You got to cut the man some slacks.
Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack.
(from "Driven")
(Oh, I can't resist some McGiva.)
Ziva: (to McGee after she lands on him) That better be your handcuff!
(And some Tony/McGee.)
Ziva: (After Tony recieves phonecall) So, test results came back already?
Tony: (Sarcastic) Yes, I'm pregnant, McGee is going to be very proud.
(from "Blowback")
Ziva: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needlestack.
Ziva: Will you tell me who she is if I find the pirates version of the micro chip?
Tony: The pirated version. A pirate is a person, like Capt. Jack Sparrow.
Ziva: Who is Jack Sparrow?
Tony: Johnny Depp!?!?
Ziva: He is a pirate?
Tony: No, he's an actor!!!! How did we get here?
Ziva: I drove.
(from "Friends & Lovers")
Ziva: It's like shooting fish in a pond!
John: I think you mean in a barrel.
Ziva: Why would fish be in a barrel?
Ziva: Why haven't you breasted them?
Tony: She means busted.
Ziva: Yes! Busted...
(from "Iceman")
Ziva: Did she give you the cold elbow?
Tony: Cold shoulder, and no.
(from "Grace Period")
(Again with the McGiva.)
McGee: So we have to choose between Abby and Ducky?
Ziva: I'd rather be McGee's cat.
(from "Cover Story")
Abby: Where's Gibbs?
Ziva: Chomping out, McGee.
Tony: You mean chewing.
Ziva: McGee, you look like you saw a goat.
McGee: Huh? Oh, you mean ghost.
(from "Brothers In Arms")
(OMF, I still want to write fic based off this quote)
McGee: (He uses his camera to peer into the window) Huh, not so bad.
Ziva: The bigger they are, the louder they fall, McGee.
Tony: The harder they fall, Ziva.
(from "Trojan Horse")
Ziva: No buzzers.
McGee: Bells.
Ho shit, that took like 2 hours or something crazy. Of course, I was talking to Teresa on the phone (again!) for part of the time, but then it takes time to look through all the quotes (from tv.com), and I was laughing at all of them. Oh, NCIS, you crack me up.
So, Teresa gave me this FANTASTIC idea to compile a list of Zivaisms (well, she wanted to know my 5 favorites, but whatever), so I started looking and ho shit, there are SO MANY GOOD NCIS QUOTES, WTF. So I was like, separate post time, here we come.
And here I am. Posting. Enough chatting. Let's get it on.
(from "Silver War")
Ziva: You might want to do something about your hair... it's sticking up like a porcuswine... oh, wrong words... a porcu... pig? (Tony gives her a funny look as McGee comes in) The little animal with the spiky tips!?
McGee: Porcupine?
Ziva: Porcupine! Thank you, Special Agent McGee.
Ziva: ...I feel like a donkey's butt.
McGee: Donkey's butt?
Tony: I think she meant 'Horse's Ass', McGee.
Ziva: Yes, that, too.
(And on a completely unrelated note, OMF TOTAL MCGIVA IN THIS EPISODE. Check out this quote:
McGee: Abby, Ziva was amazing, I mean... she's got a photographic memory.
(Abby looks offended)
McGee: What?
Abby: Why don't you two just get a room, McGee.
McGee: What... you think she likes me?
Abby: McGee, never forget... I am one of the few people in the world, who can murder you and... leave no forensic evidence.
- !!!! I have no words. Plus there is Tabbyness in this eppy. New favorite episode? Maybe.)
(from "Switch")
(Not really a Zivaism, but close enough. :p)
Ziva: Hinky? What's hinky?
Tony: You know, like when your gut is telling you something.
Ziva: I see. In my country we refer to that as gas.
Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.
McGee: I think she may have had it confused with go fly a kite.
(from "The Voyeur's Web")
Ziva: I've been meaning to ask you about that, Tony. How does a 15-year-old boy go about meeting a coquette?
McGee: She means Rockette, Boss.
(from "Under Covers")
(and BOOOOOOO, I am not happy with Tony's choice of nickname for Ziva - that was supposed to be a McGiva thing)
Tony: We should take you to see the doctor, Sweet Cheeks.
Ziva: Why?
Tony: Because you snore like a drunken sailor with emphysema.
Ziva: Look who's calling the pot black.
Tony: Kettle. The pot is calling the kettle black.
(from "Boxed In")
(this one is TOO AWESOME FOR WORDS)
Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I'm braless!
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone there are bars...
Ziva: I think we've been screwed in here Tony.
Tony: The term is bolted.
Ziva: Same difference.
(from "Deception")
Gibbs: Are you waiting for an invitation Officer David?
Ziva: Oh, so you really are getting married?
DiNozzo: He means you're with me.
Ziva: Oh, I knew that.
(from "Light Sleeper")
Tony and Ziva waiting for Gibbs to interrogate a suspect)
Tony: This is gonna be good. Gibbs'll rip this guy apart.
Ziva: I don't know if that's the right tactic in this case, Tony.
Tony: What, are you an expert on suspect interviews now?
Ziva: Interviews, no. Interrogation techniques, yes.
Tony: Hm. Like hooking a car battery up to a guy's privates? I'm sure it's effective, but judges tend to frown on it.
Ziva: I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey.
Tony: Flies.
(pause)
Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?
Tony: Flies..don't like..uh..vinegar.
(pause)
Ziva: Vinegar?
Tony: It's complicated.
(from "Ravenous")
Ziva: Mind if I take a bat nap?
Female Park Ranger: No, just, um, hang from the rafters.
Ziva: I don't want him to think I'm sleazy.
Tony: The term is easy.
Ziva: What's the difference?
Tony: Mostly the makeup.
Ziva: It'll be like trying to find a pin in the haystack.
Tony: ...Needle...
Ziva: But, wouldn't it be harder to find the pin?
Tony/McGee: No.
(And a random one for the Tony/McGee slasher in us all.)
Abby: I was just about to call Tony and McGee. I think they were having sex.
Ziva (surprised): Tony and McGee?
Abby: No!
(Is that not a HOT idea? And an actual quote from the show! SUBTEXT!!!)
(from "Bait")
Tony: We need eyes in that classroom.
Ziva: SRT snaked cameras through the vents here and here. Both were taped shut. Kody was covering his plates.
Tony: Bases.
(from "Iced," aka the gayest episode of NCIS ever made)
Tony: This isn't about orientation. It's about image.
Ziva: So now your image is homopubic?
Tony: The term is homophobic and no. Prejudice of any kind is an ugly thing.
Ziva: I think Tony was jerking your brain.
McGee: Jerking my chain? Chain.
(from "Untouchable")
(Mainly b/c it's hot)
Tony: Really? You have a surround sound system too?
Ziva: No. I'm what you Americans call a .... screamer. Yes?
(And this one because OMF, IT IS THE SEXIEST THING ZIVA HAS EVER SAID. I remember watching this episode when it first aired and going, "DAYUM. This show is on at 7 PM??")
Ziva: What's the matter Tony? Afraid of a little pussy.... cat?
(Not really a Zivaism, but super cute.)
Ziva: This girl is a total turd.
(from "Bloodbath")
(Once again, just more slashy subtext. I don't know if it was Abby with Ziva or Jen, but it doesn't really matter.)
Tony: I showed up just in time. Another minute and you guys would have been braiding each others' hair.
Ziva: And who knows where that can lead to, Tony.
(from "Jeopardy")
Ziva: I feel like some sort of leopard!
(from "Hiatus (1)")
(Just because he said what we were all thinking.)
Tony: Abby! Front and center. You too Ziva. Let’s go! I know what happened. (Abby and Ziva start talking at the same time) Hey! If there’s going to be any bitch slapping on this team, I’ll do it. Clear? Good. Now shake hands. Shake. (Abby and Ziva reluctantly shake hands) There we go. That wasn’t so tough. Was it? Now how about a little hug? Big buddy hug. Come on. (They hug) Now a deep tongue kiss. (Both women hit Tony) Now we feel better.
(LOL, this one is the epitome of Zivaisms)
Ziva: Ducky, drip it!
Ducky: You mean drop it or zip it?
Ziva: American idioms drive me up the hall!
Ducky: Well, actually... never mind.
(from "Escaped")
Ziva: (looks confused) He volunteered to put meals on wheels?
(from "Singled Out")
Gibbs: (referring to Larry) He’s clean, Ziva.
Ziva: Yeah, well, you didn’t have to smell him, Gibbs!
Abby: Is it just me, or does he seem a little...
Ziva: Snitchy?
Abby: Well, that’s close enough. It’s gotta be that damn moustache.
Ziva: (Pretending to be a nerd) I like computers, and the thing you do with the yarn.
Ziva: You've been whining like a little snitch all week!
Tony: The term is bitch.
Ziva: I know. I was being polite!
(from "Dead and Unburied")
(Because I can't resist the juvenile nature of this show)
Ziva: Tony just put his hand down another man's pocket and it made him very happy.
(from "Witch Hunt")
Ziva: (to Gibbs) Well ah, according to someone called ah... scuttle.. butt... he caught his wife cheating on him.
(from "Once a Hero")
Ziva: You okay?
Tony: Never better.
Ziva: You look run over.
Tony: The term is "run down". ... I do?
Ziva: Maybe you need servicing?
Tony: Clearly we are still having some problems with the idiosyncrasies of the English language.
Ziva: The "finely tuned engine" I think you called it. You should see a doctor.
(from "Twisted Sister")
(Ha, this one Ziva actually had right, and it was Gibbs who had it wrong. :p)
Gibbs: Do you know what a "clog" is.
Ziva: I thought it was called a "blog" but maybe my English is not as good as I thought.
(from "Smoked")
Ziva: You got to cut the man some slacks.
Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack.
(from "Driven")
(Oh, I can't resist some McGiva.)
Ziva: (to McGee after she lands on him) That better be your handcuff!
(And some Tony/McGee.)
Ziva: (After Tony recieves phonecall) So, test results came back already?
Tony: (Sarcastic) Yes, I'm pregnant, McGee is going to be very proud.
(from "Blowback")
Ziva: This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needlestack.
Ziva: Will you tell me who she is if I find the pirates version of the micro chip?
Tony: The pirated version. A pirate is a person, like Capt. Jack Sparrow.
Ziva: Who is Jack Sparrow?
Tony: Johnny Depp!?!?
Ziva: He is a pirate?
Tony: No, he's an actor!!!! How did we get here?
Ziva: I drove.
(from "Friends & Lovers")
Ziva: It's like shooting fish in a pond!
John: I think you mean in a barrel.
Ziva: Why would fish be in a barrel?
Ziva: Why haven't you breasted them?
Tony: She means busted.
Ziva: Yes! Busted...
(from "Iceman")
Ziva: Did she give you the cold elbow?
Tony: Cold shoulder, and no.
(from "Grace Period")
(Again with the McGiva.)
McGee: So we have to choose between Abby and Ducky?
Ziva: I'd rather be McGee's cat.
(from "Cover Story")
Abby: Where's Gibbs?
Ziva: Chomping out, McGee.
Tony: You mean chewing.
Ziva: McGee, you look like you saw a goat.
McGee: Huh? Oh, you mean ghost.
(from "Brothers In Arms")
(OMF, I still want to write fic based off this quote)
McGee: (He uses his camera to peer into the window) Huh, not so bad.
Ziva: The bigger they are, the louder they fall, McGee.
Tony: The harder they fall, Ziva.
(from "Trojan Horse")
Ziva: No buzzers.
McGee: Bells.
Ho shit, that took like 2 hours or something crazy. Of course, I was talking to Teresa on the phone (again!) for part of the time, but then it takes time to look through all the quotes (from tv.com), and I was laughing at all of them. Oh, NCIS, you crack me up.