(no subject)
i'm enjoying senior year so far...minus the fact that it hasn't quite hit me yet and i keep wondering when the seniors are coming back....(as Anne so adeptly put it, "When are they coming back from senior retreat?") but then i realize that i am a senior even though i still feel like a junior. the classes are less stressful - junior year was harder - even though i am taking 8 classes (same as last year) and they're pretty much all "hard" - the teachers haven't assigned as much yet and i'm not as uptight as i was last year. i've got a new perspective on everything - life is more than school and sports. family, religion, and friends should come first. yeah.. okay, i have stuff i have to do, homework, college applications, scholarship applications, scheduling more sats and acts, soccer practices and cross country practices....it's okay!!! i think i've learned to chill out a bit....and it feels nice - feeling kind of distant from lots of people and religion right now, like i can't relate to everyone and sometimes it scares me that i can be so apathetic towards some people and situations when i used to put my whole self into other peoples' problems and now i can hardly remember what they told me the day before, it's as if i'm in another place or something - i'm pretty self-absorbed; hopefully that's first-week syndrome and the self-centeredness will wear off. (that might be partly my weight-thing - i've lost a bunch of weight, but it has me constantly just a little self-conscious and i forever have a mental tally of the day's calories and appetite checks...sounds ridiculous but i'm determined to keep losing weight and not gaining back b/c i don't want to go back...) but yeah. i don't have that full inner peace that i felt at workcamp and certain times in panama; i hope i can get that back b/c i was truly centered on the right things and i was HAPPY. not that i'm not happy right now, i'm not as JOYFUL - i'm not talking about cheery - JOYFUL - like when you're surrounded by your family and friends and everyone is there and okay and you know that they love you (so they don't always have to say it, you can just feel it)- and you can feel God there, too. that's the most comforting thing, knowing God is there - i think that is what i learned at workcamp - how to reflect and most importantly that God is there no matter what - He's right next to you and whether you acknowledge Him or not, He waits patiently for you to do so, but never lets down his end of the bargain.
sure, there are things i want to change about myself but i'm learning to accept my limitations and work through them. i'm not going to freak out b/c i'm not going to be the #1 in everything - hey i'm #3 or #4 runner for cross country - that's okay - i'm doing it because i'm finding more and more that no matter how much i complain about the workouts i love to run and my body craves running (i get really cranky and argumentative on days that i don't run), i'm not freaking out that i'm never going to get a college scholarship for soccer and i probably won't start for varsity - i love soccer (am i disappointed that my skills are suffering a bit? yeah! but i'm not going to let that bring me down). i'm learning to work through my problems and foibles.
yeah...i speak without thinking, i can be kind of stuck up or distant at times, i've been kind of short lately and more judgmental than i'd like to be, i've had my doubts...i'm working on it - learning to accept that face in the mirror staring back at me - i'm still trying to figure out who ME is. i don't even know and if i don't know, then what?
i love fall - actually i like all the seasons, but i think i like fall the most - especially from late august or so until Christmastime is probably my favorite time of the year. everything seems so enchanting, relaxing, and full of childlike wonder - the turning and falling of the leaves, a hint of crispness in the air, campfires, pumpkins, warm days and cool nights, the perfume of straw in the sun, acorns, spices, apples, cherries, things baking in the oven, sweaters and scarves, the colors...the magic of fall.
okay, i better go get my cross stuff together for the race and my soccer stuff for my game tomorrow (race is at parkside and my game is in IL). we have to leave pretty early tomorrow, so i should get that stuff done now.
please just slow down a bit to enjoy the day tomorrow!
sure, there are things i want to change about myself but i'm learning to accept my limitations and work through them. i'm not going to freak out b/c i'm not going to be the #1 in everything - hey i'm #3 or #4 runner for cross country - that's okay - i'm doing it because i'm finding more and more that no matter how much i complain about the workouts i love to run and my body craves running (i get really cranky and argumentative on days that i don't run), i'm not freaking out that i'm never going to get a college scholarship for soccer and i probably won't start for varsity - i love soccer (am i disappointed that my skills are suffering a bit? yeah! but i'm not going to let that bring me down). i'm learning to work through my problems and foibles.
yeah...i speak without thinking, i can be kind of stuck up or distant at times, i've been kind of short lately and more judgmental than i'd like to be, i've had my doubts...i'm working on it - learning to accept that face in the mirror staring back at me - i'm still trying to figure out who ME is. i don't even know and if i don't know, then what?
i love fall - actually i like all the seasons, but i think i like fall the most - especially from late august or so until Christmastime is probably my favorite time of the year. everything seems so enchanting, relaxing, and full of childlike wonder - the turning and falling of the leaves, a hint of crispness in the air, campfires, pumpkins, warm days and cool nights, the perfume of straw in the sun, acorns, spices, apples, cherries, things baking in the oven, sweaters and scarves, the colors...the magic of fall.
okay, i better go get my cross stuff together for the race and my soccer stuff for my game tomorrow (race is at parkside and my game is in IL). we have to leave pretty early tomorrow, so i should get that stuff done now.
please just slow down a bit to enjoy the day tomorrow!