Article that you need to studyex_ballerinMarch 17 2005, 05:15:46 UTC
Losing the ex-factor By Marcia Jedd You might have been jilted big time by “him.” Or, “he” may have been the love of your life: A relationship out of a romance novel where you were wined and dined, charmed and fell deeply in love. Whatever the case, when you find yourself attracted to a man who closely resembles your ex-boyfriend or spouse, sometimes you just gotta say no. Is it his sparkling blue eyes and thick eyebrows? Or, is he tall, dark and handsome with that firm jawline just like your ex’s? First off, pursuing a romance with a guy who closely resembles an ex can be trouble. Often, it’s more than coincidence that you’re drawn to this look-alike like a fly to honey. Particularly if it was an unrequited love, or the relationship left loose ends in your life, you may be subconsciously seeking closure or repeating an old, unrecognized pattern. Pursuing men who resemble your ex can be a fatal attraction of sorts. Or it can be a wake-up call to give you the messages you need to heal. Tessa, 42, vividly recalls a business trip to Lake Tahoe year ago and being enamored by a blond, blue-eyed guy who was a dead ringer for her ex. She had been dumped weeks earlier and was still fresh from what she describes as the most confusing, troublesome breakup of her life. “So when I saw this guy from like 12 feet away, my heart went pitter patter and I got very nervous because he looked like a clone of Michael. We made minor eye contact,” she says, noting the flirtation from afar didn’t go any further. She says she was thankful for the wisdom those feelings brought her. “I had major work to do on my own self and the experience helped me realize it.” On the flipside, be cautious when he tells you that you look like his ex. Back in her single days, Lauren, 47, recently married, recalls a lesson on this. “A guy I dated several years ago was first attracted to me because I looked like a thinner version of his ex-wife (with whom he was still in love). We dated quite a bit, but he turned out to be pretty hooked on superficial things like personal appearance,” she says, noting he displayed an inordinate interest in sex. “I took this as another sign he was stuck in ‘boy world’ and we parted ways.” The whole experience turned her off enough to discourage contact or decline invitations when she encountered men who resembled her own ex-boyfriends. Bottom line: When it comes to dating men who clearly resemble your ex, ask yourself what qualities the individual has that attracted you to the person in the first place. If you’re fresh out of the gate after a relationship and you meet a look-alike of your ex, be cautious and listen to your feelings.
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By Marcia Jedd
You might have been jilted big time by “him.” Or, “he” may have been the love of your life: A relationship out of a romance novel where you were wined and dined, charmed and fell deeply in love. Whatever the case, when you find yourself attracted to a man who closely resembles your ex-boyfriend or spouse, sometimes you just gotta say no.
Is it his sparkling blue eyes and thick eyebrows? Or, is he tall, dark and handsome with that firm jawline just like your ex’s?
First off, pursuing a romance with a guy who closely resembles an ex can be trouble. Often, it’s more than coincidence that you’re drawn to this look-alike like a fly to honey. Particularly if it was an unrequited love, or the relationship left loose ends in your life, you may be subconsciously seeking closure or repeating an old, unrecognized pattern. Pursuing men who resemble your ex can be a fatal attraction of sorts. Or it can be a wake-up call to give you the messages you need to heal.
Tessa, 42, vividly recalls a business trip to Lake Tahoe year ago and being enamored by a blond, blue-eyed guy who was a dead ringer for her ex. She had been dumped weeks earlier and was still fresh from what she describes as the most confusing, troublesome breakup of her life. “So when I saw this guy from like 12 feet away, my heart went pitter patter and I got very nervous because he looked like a clone of Michael. We made minor eye contact,” she says, noting the flirtation from afar didn’t go any further. She says she was thankful for the wisdom those feelings brought her. “I had major work to do on my own self and the experience helped me realize it.”
On the flipside, be cautious when he tells you that you look like his ex. Back in her single days, Lauren, 47, recently married, recalls a lesson on this. “A guy I dated several years ago was first attracted to me because I looked like a thinner version of his ex-wife (with whom he was still in love). We dated quite a bit, but he turned out to be pretty hooked on superficial things like personal appearance,” she says, noting he displayed an inordinate interest in sex. “I took this as another sign he was stuck in ‘boy world’ and we parted ways.” The whole experience turned her off enough to discourage contact or decline invitations when she encountered men who resembled her own ex-boyfriends.
Bottom line: When it comes to dating men who clearly resemble your ex, ask yourself what qualities the individual has that attracted you to the person in the first place. If you’re fresh out of the gate after a relationship and you meet a look-alike of your ex, be cautious and listen to your feelings.
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