Taylor Does Austin
I had a really disturbing self realization today.
It all started when I was in the kitchen about an hour ago trying to figure out what the hell to eat at 11:30 at night. I really honestly don't care about the whole "eating late is bad for you" shtick but for some reason I could not find anything to eat because everything had such high carbs which was really a major factor in my decision process. I mean talk about a fucking hypocrite. I went from pasta, to mac adn cheese, to ramen soup to eventually just heating up an all beef hot dog and gnawing on it for a good 10 minutes (without the bun).
Anyways, that's not the issue. What's important is the series of events while i was microwaving that hot dog for a good 60 seconds in a bowl of water. Rudy came into the kitchen, gave me his routine disgusted look at whatever I've decided to eat for a meal, and then begins to tell me about a porn he saw on the internet.
I believe the conversation was started with a comment to the likes of "oh man i really love that porn."
"Which one?" I asked.
Rudy began to describe the porn to me when I suddenly realized that I knew exactly what he was talking about. Now the thing about porn on the internet is that there are thousands of clips, millions of pictures, and just an unimaginable amount of websites to provide this plethora of peverted pornographic paraphanalia. It's not like he was talking about one of the top grossing films of the 21st century starring Ben Affleck and whatever other undeserving A list actor he can get to star along side him because he is no longer able to open his own movie (which you know is just eating him up inside seeing as how his once life partner, Matt Damon. IS....Jason Bourne) But I digress. The point is that I can't just jump into his story and agree or even offer an opinion that hints that I might know perfectly the exact porn he is talking about. It's just not socially acceptable to be an expert in such a field.
So I'm standing there with 30 seconds left on the microwave realizing that I know the exact porn Rudy is tlaking abotu and happen to be a pretty big fan of it myself. Not only do I know the porn, but I know the website its from as well as other disgustingly intricate facts about the porn such as its release date on the website and its running time. I really wanted to tell him how I loved it too, but found myself just pretending like I'd never seen it before. "Really? That's crazy!" i say as sweat begins to poor down my forehead because as Rudy contently expresses some incredibly trivial internet experience he has had, I am slowly dying inside questioning what it is I am doing with my life and free time. I mean he's just innocently sharing a thought with me but I am not even listening because I'm deep down inside myself wondering if it is disgusting that I know a good amount of stars and constantly recognize them in porns....usually by their penises alone.
Luckily the microwave begins beeping, relieving me of the conversation and allowing me to swallow all of my troubles with a mixture of mustard, ketchup, and chulula sauce (minus the bun).
It all started when I was in the kitchen about an hour ago trying to figure out what the hell to eat at 11:30 at night. I really honestly don't care about the whole "eating late is bad for you" shtick but for some reason I could not find anything to eat because everything had such high carbs which was really a major factor in my decision process. I mean talk about a fucking hypocrite. I went from pasta, to mac adn cheese, to ramen soup to eventually just heating up an all beef hot dog and gnawing on it for a good 10 minutes (without the bun).
Anyways, that's not the issue. What's important is the series of events while i was microwaving that hot dog for a good 60 seconds in a bowl of water. Rudy came into the kitchen, gave me his routine disgusted look at whatever I've decided to eat for a meal, and then begins to tell me about a porn he saw on the internet.
I believe the conversation was started with a comment to the likes of "oh man i really love that porn."
"Which one?" I asked.
Rudy began to describe the porn to me when I suddenly realized that I knew exactly what he was talking about. Now the thing about porn on the internet is that there are thousands of clips, millions of pictures, and just an unimaginable amount of websites to provide this plethora of peverted pornographic paraphanalia. It's not like he was talking about one of the top grossing films of the 21st century starring Ben Affleck and whatever other undeserving A list actor he can get to star along side him because he is no longer able to open his own movie (which you know is just eating him up inside seeing as how his once life partner, Matt Damon. IS....Jason Bourne) But I digress. The point is that I can't just jump into his story and agree or even offer an opinion that hints that I might know perfectly the exact porn he is talking about. It's just not socially acceptable to be an expert in such a field.
So I'm standing there with 30 seconds left on the microwave realizing that I know the exact porn Rudy is tlaking abotu and happen to be a pretty big fan of it myself. Not only do I know the porn, but I know the website its from as well as other disgustingly intricate facts about the porn such as its release date on the website and its running time. I really wanted to tell him how I loved it too, but found myself just pretending like I'd never seen it before. "Really? That's crazy!" i say as sweat begins to poor down my forehead because as Rudy contently expresses some incredibly trivial internet experience he has had, I am slowly dying inside questioning what it is I am doing with my life and free time. I mean he's just innocently sharing a thought with me but I am not even listening because I'm deep down inside myself wondering if it is disgusting that I know a good amount of stars and constantly recognize them in porns....usually by their penises alone.
Luckily the microwave begins beeping, relieving me of the conversation and allowing me to swallow all of my troubles with a mixture of mustard, ketchup, and chulula sauce (minus the bun).