just when i thought
that i was actually gettin back to myself, it hits me like a brick wall, phoenix/ricky is no longer with us. i cant help but to cry and be angry. angry for what, that some stupid ass drunk driver killed one my best friend that i had just reconnected with after 9 years. there was so much that he was suppose to teach me and my daughters his *nieces* as he called them. my emotions r getting the best of me right now, and i dont like it one bit. if i had just tried harder the last 9 years to reconnect with him. if i had known that he would not of been here for christmas i would of woken my eldest daughter up the time he was here just so she could see him. what does he think of me now? he only got to meet haley and jay. but never the *niece* that had help me protect when i was 15 and havin some probs with her *sperm donor* as i like to call him.
i am kickin myself in the ass...if i had only tried harder to stay connected with the guys that meant so much to me. if i only had one last chance to tell phoenix/ricky how thankful i was for knowing him, to say thank you for all that he protected me from, to tell him how much that i love him and he will never ever be forgotten. just to have one last time to have one of his big great bear hugs (those were also special and great to get)and one last time to look into his amazing blue eyes (which he hated to be complimented on)and get lost in them.
damn this really sucks!!!
i am kickin myself in the ass...if i had only tried harder to stay connected with the guys that meant so much to me. if i only had one last chance to tell phoenix/ricky how thankful i was for knowing him, to say thank you for all that he protected me from, to tell him how much that i love him and he will never ever be forgotten. just to have one last time to have one of his big great bear hugs (those were also special and great to get)and one last time to look into his amazing blue eyes (which he hated to be complimented on)and get lost in them.
damn this really sucks!!!