Its a perfefct day.....
I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness that has swept over me in the past 24 hrs and its not going away. The only time I smiled tonight was when My manager dumped the whole iced tea pitcher on himself. I don't like the way my stomache is feeling. Its a really bad squirmy feeling. Im not quite sure why I feel this way. There are alot of factors that I have been thinking about. One is the fact that Mariano is now hitting on one of the new waitresses right in front of me. Im just mad because all of his attention is not focused on me all the time anymore. I have no right to feel this way, but I do. She is way cuter than me too and that pisses me off even more. I feel so stupid and shallow about it but thats what happens when you get involved with boys......... I guess its because his attention has been focused on me for so long its kind hard to watch it go to someone else. Oh well, every star eventually burns out sometime. As much as I have tried SO FUCKING HARD to not have any feelings for this boy, I still do. Have not admitted it outloud ever cause I didnt realize it till tonight. I have feelings for him because he has been there everytime I have needed him to be in the last year (never overbearing) except recently. He has always made me smile.....but not tonight. Even when he did hold me and kiss me on the neck to make sure I was okay cause I obviously wasnt, I still didnt smile.
Ive got to change my work schedule. I just cant do this anymore. I cant handle it at all. I am slowly wearing down. Ive been waiting tables 4-6 days a week since 2001. I feel like screaming. If I wasnt so broke and independent then I would quit. But I need the lame amount of money that I am making in a real bad kind of way. Its not a good situation to be in.
I have not talked to my best friend in about a month and I dont see it changing anytime soon. Except for when I have to make the call to her to see if she is going to still pay me for her rent. This is tearing me up inside. I really dont talk about it or think about it much except when I need someone to talk to (tonight) She is the one I want to go to and I cant do it because she isnt the person I thought she was.
Well. To end on a not so depressing note, My friend Armando works with me again, he came back from Virginia and he wants me to go to the bar tomorrow with him to watch the world series. We partied together last night and it was really fun. Its really nice to hang out with someone new, thats a boy, and that is hot.........
Ive got to change my work schedule. I just cant do this anymore. I cant handle it at all. I am slowly wearing down. Ive been waiting tables 4-6 days a week since 2001. I feel like screaming. If I wasnt so broke and independent then I would quit. But I need the lame amount of money that I am making in a real bad kind of way. Its not a good situation to be in.
I have not talked to my best friend in about a month and I dont see it changing anytime soon. Except for when I have to make the call to her to see if she is going to still pay me for her rent. This is tearing me up inside. I really dont talk about it or think about it much except when I need someone to talk to (tonight) She is the one I want to go to and I cant do it because she isnt the person I thought she was.
Well. To end on a not so depressing note, My friend Armando works with me again, he came back from Virginia and he wants me to go to the bar tomorrow with him to watch the world series. We partied together last night and it was really fun. Its really nice to hang out with someone new, thats a boy, and that is hot.........