Heh... Try A History of Maria Bello's Spam-Purse!
Yes, yes, thank you for that, Andrew! You've inspired me to share something of our experience...or rather, of our sufferance. So Andrew, Megan, and myself went to see A History of Violence last night. Word of advice: fancy yourself a professor of violence in history just from having watched more than 3 hours of primetime television in one week, and DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. You won't learn a thing, other than the fact that Viggo Mortenson endured a thorough ass-waxing recently.
Good Lord, it blew. And I don't understand the plethora of positive reviews. "Fascinating," Mr. Ebert? The only moments of this film that had drawn me to them were the most silent, and only then to briefly circumvent the dialogue, which was nigh unbearable. I've been coaxed before--by movies, least of all--to suspend my disbelief for the sake of a lesson I may have indeed benefitted from, but never from one so gratuitously pornographic and devoid of subtlety. I feel violated, but mostly by Maria Bello's horrendous, gaping axe-wound. Her gash, if you will.
Forgive the vagina metaphor. I recently watched this little number. Just you try to keep that shit outta your head.
Good Lord, it blew. And I don't understand the plethora of positive reviews. "Fascinating," Mr. Ebert? The only moments of this film that had drawn me to them were the most silent, and only then to briefly circumvent the dialogue, which was nigh unbearable. I've been coaxed before--by movies, least of all--to suspend my disbelief for the sake of a lesson I may have indeed benefitted from, but never from one so gratuitously pornographic and devoid of subtlety. I feel violated, but mostly by Maria Bello's horrendous, gaping axe-wound. Her gash, if you will.
Forgive the vagina metaphor. I recently watched this little number. Just you try to keep that shit outta your head.