(no subject)
My NaNoWriMo project is just about complete. It's a think piece, about a mid level groupie coping with success in the harsh face of fandom. With a love story (or two). It's about my former self, although that's difficult to say, since my former self still influences me on a regular basis. It's about the boys I've loved, comprised into two people.
I like the idea of completing it, self publishing 10 copies, and only letting 3-5 people read it. Is there really a point in completing a project that winds up objectified? Or completing a projct that resonates with others, who will never be able to speak to me about it, or who don't bother to express what they got from what I created?
I've realized that my core has always been grounded; she has also always been crazy restless and brimming over with obsession. Many (most) people are convinced I am full to the brim with passion, although that's the pretty version. The other version is that I've simply developed some nasty obsessions that made me feel more 'alive' and incapable of expressing or experiencing healthy love. I wouldn't trade my experiences and yes, they are more interesting and 'glamour-filled' than getting addicted to drugs and romantic relationships...but not any different in terms of personal struggle and setbacks.
I now know that wherever you go, there you are. I know that it is appealing to go hop all around the world, being an experience whore because when you are left out there alone, you feel 'new' and 'capable of anything' although the travel high always exists within you no matter how mundane your routine is. Most of all, I know that I've been through a lot and that my heart needs a break.
I like the idea of completing it, self publishing 10 copies, and only letting 3-5 people read it. Is there really a point in completing a project that winds up objectified? Or completing a projct that resonates with others, who will never be able to speak to me about it, or who don't bother to express what they got from what I created?
I've realized that my core has always been grounded; she has also always been crazy restless and brimming over with obsession. Many (most) people are convinced I am full to the brim with passion, although that's the pretty version. The other version is that I've simply developed some nasty obsessions that made me feel more 'alive' and incapable of expressing or experiencing healthy love. I wouldn't trade my experiences and yes, they are more interesting and 'glamour-filled' than getting addicted to drugs and romantic relationships...but not any different in terms of personal struggle and setbacks.
I now know that wherever you go, there you are. I know that it is appealing to go hop all around the world, being an experience whore because when you are left out there alone, you feel 'new' and 'capable of anything' although the travel high always exists within you no matter how mundane your routine is. Most of all, I know that I've been through a lot and that my heart needs a break.