I almost swallowed my heart and then puked on it...
I got this weird phone call today during a staff meeting from my flaky religious Aunt Janet.
Immediately, I knew by the tone and pauses of my aunts voice that it was a "death in the family" notification kind of call.
As she sputtered the words "I hate to disturb you at work, but I have bad news", I began to think of all the terrible things that she could possibly say, and of all the people that I love the most whom I didn't want to be hurt or dead. My coworkers all stared quietly...
"Your uncle Phillip specifically asked that I call, he wanted you to be one of the first to know"
*dramatic pause*
At that moment I clutched my chest, my mouth dropped open and I fearfully waited for her to tell me that my Nana had passed on.The stinging tears welt up in my eyes.
I braced myself against the table prepared for the worst as she uttered instead "Your aunt by marriage, Nelda ,yanno married to great uncle Bob? well umm.."
*dramatic pause with panting*
"Her father died of heart failure last night peacefully in his sleep, poor thing"
I then let out a sigh of relief, glad that it wasn't anyone that I really gave a shit about.I pretended to care about impending funeral details of some dead 89 year old distant non-blood relative as my aunt chatted for another uncomfortable 5 minutes.
When we hung up, I called Nana and thanked her for not being dead.
Nana apologized for my stupid aunt's erratic behavior and informed me that my uncle hadn't even requested that I be called, after all I didn't even know the deceased!
I can't believe that whack bitch called me at work only to make me endure an embarrassing emotional roller coaster ride in public infront of my colleagues!
So I guess that my Aunt Janet is just some gossipy nutcase who evidently creams her panties by playing sick mind games?
I swear. I wish that I could swim a little further away from my gene pool sometimes.
Immediately, I knew by the tone and pauses of my aunts voice that it was a "death in the family" notification kind of call.
As she sputtered the words "I hate to disturb you at work, but I have bad news", I began to think of all the terrible things that she could possibly say, and of all the people that I love the most whom I didn't want to be hurt or dead. My coworkers all stared quietly...
"Your uncle Phillip specifically asked that I call, he wanted you to be one of the first to know"
*dramatic pause*
At that moment I clutched my chest, my mouth dropped open and I fearfully waited for her to tell me that my Nana had passed on.The stinging tears welt up in my eyes.
I braced myself against the table prepared for the worst as she uttered instead "Your aunt by marriage, Nelda ,yanno married to great uncle Bob? well umm.."
*dramatic pause with panting*
"Her father died of heart failure last night peacefully in his sleep, poor thing"
I then let out a sigh of relief, glad that it wasn't anyone that I really gave a shit about.I pretended to care about impending funeral details of some dead 89 year old distant non-blood relative as my aunt chatted for another uncomfortable 5 minutes.
When we hung up, I called Nana and thanked her for not being dead.
Nana apologized for my stupid aunt's erratic behavior and informed me that my uncle hadn't even requested that I be called, after all I didn't even know the deceased!
I can't believe that whack bitch called me at work only to make me endure an embarrassing emotional roller coaster ride in public infront of my colleagues!
So I guess that my Aunt Janet is just some gossipy nutcase who evidently creams her panties by playing sick mind games?
I swear. I wish that I could swim a little further away from my gene pool sometimes.