5-Day Challenge: Day 3
5 DAY CHALLENGE
1. 5 facts about you
2. 5 people you can’t live without
3. 5 phobias
4. 5 songs you never get tired of
5. 5 goals
1. My biggest fear is probably death of myself or a loved one. I have at times gotten derailed in my thinking for an hour or more because I'm consumed with thoughts of my or someone else's death. The thought that one day I will cease to be is hard to deal with. The biggest loss for me when I broke with my religious upbringing was the loss of the comfort that comes with a belief in an eternal afterlife. It's irrational because death is an inevitability of life and fearing it won't make it go away but does run the chance of making me less likely to enter certain situations.
2. Men in their 20's. Irrational because I can't recall a single instance where someone from that group has ever done anything to me personally to validate this fear. And yet, I am always wary when I'm around strangers from that particular demographic. They tend to be taller and fitter than me, and I know that -- especially in a group -- if they were to try and start a fight with me, I would more than likely get my ass kicked. It's never happened, but I'm always acutely aware of the possibility, particularly if they are drunk or particularly loud and rowdy.
3. Going underwater. This is a mild one, because I will do it in certain circumstances, and it's particularly strange because I love to swim and otherwise be in the water. But I have a problem putting my head underwater. It's a bit of a fear of drowning, but more specialized because I know how to swim and can swim well, so I don't fear that. What bothers me is the loss of surface awareness, and the irrational thought that if I go underwater, some condition on the surface will change and I'll be unable to come back up.
4. Joblessness. Another mild one, but still persistent. I could say something like "in this economy, jobs are hard", but I know that in my case at least, that's bullshit, precisely because of the way this fear manifests. I have an email folder full of recruiters contact emails with a list of job offers that I obsessively hold on to "just in case". So while I know there is 1) probably no shortage of jobs that I could get, and 2) no reason to think that my current job is anything but stable, I still have little panicky moments where I'm afraid of being jobless and unable to get a new one. This one, at least, has some basis in experience as more than once, a job that I thought was stable has been pulled out from under me without any warning.
5. Being insignificant. This is probably at the heart of my reluctance to update LJ/FB/Twitter/etc. It's the fear that people will simply stop caring about my existence. And whenever I post something, my mind's eye sees people at their computers going, "Why the hell am I following this idiot?" and unfollowing me. It's happened before -- I've posted things that one or two people found so utterly offensive that it changed their entire perception of me to the point that they disassociated from me entirely. So it's made me reluctant to express my opinions because I fear that one time, I'll say something that just causes a mass exodus and leaves me shouting into the void.
1. 5 facts about you
2. 5 people you can’t live without
3. 5 phobias
4. 5 songs you never get tired of
5. 5 goals
1. My biggest fear is probably death of myself or a loved one. I have at times gotten derailed in my thinking for an hour or more because I'm consumed with thoughts of my or someone else's death. The thought that one day I will cease to be is hard to deal with. The biggest loss for me when I broke with my religious upbringing was the loss of the comfort that comes with a belief in an eternal afterlife. It's irrational because death is an inevitability of life and fearing it won't make it go away but does run the chance of making me less likely to enter certain situations.
2. Men in their 20's. Irrational because I can't recall a single instance where someone from that group has ever done anything to me personally to validate this fear. And yet, I am always wary when I'm around strangers from that particular demographic. They tend to be taller and fitter than me, and I know that -- especially in a group -- if they were to try and start a fight with me, I would more than likely get my ass kicked. It's never happened, but I'm always acutely aware of the possibility, particularly if they are drunk or particularly loud and rowdy.
3. Going underwater. This is a mild one, because I will do it in certain circumstances, and it's particularly strange because I love to swim and otherwise be in the water. But I have a problem putting my head underwater. It's a bit of a fear of drowning, but more specialized because I know how to swim and can swim well, so I don't fear that. What bothers me is the loss of surface awareness, and the irrational thought that if I go underwater, some condition on the surface will change and I'll be unable to come back up.
4. Joblessness. Another mild one, but still persistent. I could say something like "in this economy, jobs are hard", but I know that in my case at least, that's bullshit, precisely because of the way this fear manifests. I have an email folder full of recruiters contact emails with a list of job offers that I obsessively hold on to "just in case". So while I know there is 1) probably no shortage of jobs that I could get, and 2) no reason to think that my current job is anything but stable, I still have little panicky moments where I'm afraid of being jobless and unable to get a new one. This one, at least, has some basis in experience as more than once, a job that I thought was stable has been pulled out from under me without any warning.
5. Being insignificant. This is probably at the heart of my reluctance to update LJ/FB/Twitter/etc. It's the fear that people will simply stop caring about my existence. And whenever I post something, my mind's eye sees people at their computers going, "Why the hell am I following this idiot?" and unfollowing me. It's happened before -- I've posted things that one or two people found so utterly offensive that it changed their entire perception of me to the point that they disassociated from me entirely. So it's made me reluctant to express my opinions because I fear that one time, I'll say something that just causes a mass exodus and leaves me shouting into the void.