love( or the absence of it)
love is something that i have yet to experience, and something that i really want to feel right now. in answer to brad's question of whether or not love really exists, i have to say that from a my stand point that love is something very real. even though i have yet to experience love at one time i thought i had found it, but that was just infatuation. i am sure that it is a person out there waiting for me. i know early i went on about how no one could love me because of the way i looked, or something. but hey i got to have faith that that my day will come that i will be truly happy with someone. i have not given up yet on it and i hopefully i will never get to the point were i have lost faith that i can love and be loved.
yesterday my dad gave me some advice, something that i a big deal for me since he had not really said anything to me for like two years, he told me "a life that is consumed by stress is not life at all. that i have to learn to relax and laugh things off and enjoy what has been given to me." for the first time since my sister's birthday two years ago i felt that my dad really cared about me. and for a short time i was happy with my life and the way things were going. then i started to over think things again lost my appreciation for life. i have decided that i am going to see a doctor about my stress problem. i might as well start trying to enjoy life now before i turn into my dad( something that i have dreaded since i was like 12). i have a lot of work to do with myself, and the first step is to admit that i have a problem with dealing with stress. sarah and many others have told me that i should not let things bother me, and from now on i am just going to do my best to learn to let the things that i can not control go and just go with the flow of things. i think that if i go to a doctor i can maybe find out why i am the way i am. i have to have faith that things will change for the better.
right now i just feel so unloved and alone. i go home to what feels like an empty house to parents that could, what i feel like, careless whether or not i am there or not. they do not talk to me at all. some would rejoice at this, but when they do talk to me or rather yell at me for really stupid shit. i wonder if they realize how much stress they are causing me. probably not, but life goes on and i need to get over it and move on.
i need a hug. next time you see me just lay one on me, i really need one right now.
yesterday my dad gave me some advice, something that i a big deal for me since he had not really said anything to me for like two years, he told me "a life that is consumed by stress is not life at all. that i have to learn to relax and laugh things off and enjoy what has been given to me." for the first time since my sister's birthday two years ago i felt that my dad really cared about me. and for a short time i was happy with my life and the way things were going. then i started to over think things again lost my appreciation for life. i have decided that i am going to see a doctor about my stress problem. i might as well start trying to enjoy life now before i turn into my dad( something that i have dreaded since i was like 12). i have a lot of work to do with myself, and the first step is to admit that i have a problem with dealing with stress. sarah and many others have told me that i should not let things bother me, and from now on i am just going to do my best to learn to let the things that i can not control go and just go with the flow of things. i think that if i go to a doctor i can maybe find out why i am the way i am. i have to have faith that things will change for the better.
right now i just feel so unloved and alone. i go home to what feels like an empty house to parents that could, what i feel like, careless whether or not i am there or not. they do not talk to me at all. some would rejoice at this, but when they do talk to me or rather yell at me for really stupid shit. i wonder if they realize how much stress they are causing me. probably not, but life goes on and i need to get over it and move on.
i need a hug. next time you see me just lay one on me, i really need one right now.