The Year That Was: 2008, AD
What can I say? 2008 might go down as the year I finally grew up. Not physically, of course. Physically, I might actually be shrinking, which is another sign of aging and makes me think I should eat more calcium. My grandma had osteoporosis and actually lost about four inches, and she was not a very tall woman to begin with. So even though I may be getting smaller in stature, I am becoming wiser for it. Ah, 2008. The year I finally stopped feeling like I was being kicked in the sack by the grinning spectre of failure and did something about it. The visual image you should have of me right now is that I am giving the two-fingered UK salute to a dark-robed spirit with the word FAILURE stenciled across its chest. Lost another one, ya grubby bastard!
The 2008 nutshell:
I turned 37 and realized I truly had done nothing much with my life to aid me in an early and comfortable retirement. I made the decision to go back to college and get a meaningful degree so that I could procure a career outside the realm of retail. Because working in retail all these years, that last bastion of the undegreed, unlearned, unfocused slackers, has quite literally sucked all the joy out of life and not given me any financial recompense for the soul-crushing anal pounding I have willingly taken up to now. It was as if a weight had been lifted once I saw the light at the end of that fudge tunnel.
Apart from that, I have become more of a homebody. Going out all the time just became exhausting, both financially and otherwise. I enjoy people's company, I like my friends and all, but I just can't drink beer like I used to. It makes me tired and bloaty and gives me a giant headache. And as you all know, if you are the only sober one in the room everyone just grates on you. So gone are the standing Friday and Saturday nights (and sometimes Monday), as the need to self-medicate became null once I figured out a bit more of a solid direction. Easy peasy. But since I LOVE coffee, I don't miss beer all that much. I brew my java at home, as most coffee houses are full of preening hipsters and kids who aren't old enough to get into bars. No sense getting hopped up on the caffeine train and punching a minor in the face.
The most important adult-oriented decision of the year is that the wife and I are buying a condo. We are shucking the life of renters for some equity. We can finally have a place where we can put our own stamp on it without having to ask a landlord. We can finally live in a home where we don't have to worry about the rent getting raised again, pissing our money away on what basically amounts to a roof over our heads that is not our own. And it is more liberating than anyone ever bothered to tell me. Admittedly this was in the works ever since we saw the housing bubble about to burst in Austin. We waited for things to hit the shitter so we could be assured of a good rate and a cheap price. With the country officially in a recession, we are doing our part to help out. But mostly we are tired of paying rent and moving every few years. Plus, if you've ever watched a home show on cable you know exactly what cliches I want to live out: I want my man room, granite counter tops in the kitchen, dual sinks in the bathroom, and a giant closet for her while I get the small one because chicks have way more useless crap than dudes. Because I am like every other douche buying a home, no denying it.
Oh, and no more George W. Bush running things into the dirt. That's a good one, too. Obama got himself a shiny turd, that's for sure. Good luck on that, sir.
Sure, there were a few negatives on the year. But why dwell on that. As MC 900 Foot Jesus says in "If I Only Had A Brain", suppose I accidentally got my shit together. That pretty much sums up 2008 for me. Hooray for me!
So drink up as you toast the new year. Remember to say "rabbit rabbit" as the clock strikes midnight. Eat your black-eyed peas and cabbage on January 1 to usher in good luck and money for coming year. And really just take a swim in the lake of you.
I'm outta here.
The 2008 nutshell:
I turned 37 and realized I truly had done nothing much with my life to aid me in an early and comfortable retirement. I made the decision to go back to college and get a meaningful degree so that I could procure a career outside the realm of retail. Because working in retail all these years, that last bastion of the undegreed, unlearned, unfocused slackers, has quite literally sucked all the joy out of life and not given me any financial recompense for the soul-crushing anal pounding I have willingly taken up to now. It was as if a weight had been lifted once I saw the light at the end of that fudge tunnel.
Apart from that, I have become more of a homebody. Going out all the time just became exhausting, both financially and otherwise. I enjoy people's company, I like my friends and all, but I just can't drink beer like I used to. It makes me tired and bloaty and gives me a giant headache. And as you all know, if you are the only sober one in the room everyone just grates on you. So gone are the standing Friday and Saturday nights (and sometimes Monday), as the need to self-medicate became null once I figured out a bit more of a solid direction. Easy peasy. But since I LOVE coffee, I don't miss beer all that much. I brew my java at home, as most coffee houses are full of preening hipsters and kids who aren't old enough to get into bars. No sense getting hopped up on the caffeine train and punching a minor in the face.
The most important adult-oriented decision of the year is that the wife and I are buying a condo. We are shucking the life of renters for some equity. We can finally have a place where we can put our own stamp on it without having to ask a landlord. We can finally live in a home where we don't have to worry about the rent getting raised again, pissing our money away on what basically amounts to a roof over our heads that is not our own. And it is more liberating than anyone ever bothered to tell me. Admittedly this was in the works ever since we saw the housing bubble about to burst in Austin. We waited for things to hit the shitter so we could be assured of a good rate and a cheap price. With the country officially in a recession, we are doing our part to help out. But mostly we are tired of paying rent and moving every few years. Plus, if you've ever watched a home show on cable you know exactly what cliches I want to live out: I want my man room, granite counter tops in the kitchen, dual sinks in the bathroom, and a giant closet for her while I get the small one because chicks have way more useless crap than dudes. Because I am like every other douche buying a home, no denying it.
Oh, and no more George W. Bush running things into the dirt. That's a good one, too. Obama got himself a shiny turd, that's for sure. Good luck on that, sir.
Sure, there were a few negatives on the year. But why dwell on that. As MC 900 Foot Jesus says in "If I Only Had A Brain", suppose I accidentally got my shit together. That pretty much sums up 2008 for me. Hooray for me!
So drink up as you toast the new year. Remember to say "rabbit rabbit" as the clock strikes midnight. Eat your black-eyed peas and cabbage on January 1 to usher in good luck and money for coming year. And really just take a swim in the lake of you.
I'm outta here.