Because Of You...
I just want to be alone. I wanted to come to the KE to write in my journal, by myself, but that didn't happen. Brittany came too, but that's ok. It's only her, and I love her, so I'm all good. =)
Anyways, this is going to be an entry where I just really feel what I'm saying. Be prepared.
Have you ever hated yourself for what you do to others? The people you call your friends, your best friends? The people who call YOU their best friends? Well, I hate myself right now. The way I have been treating people(and one person in particular) makes me sick. Literally, sick. I have been getting headaches because I think about it so much, and I don't sleep well. I just wish I wasn't so jealous, or annoying, or mean sometimes. I don't know what comes over me half of the time, but I wish I can find it out soon. *sigh*
I have so much stuff I want to tell people, but I just can't bring myself to it. Maybe I should, because it would work things out, or possibly make them worse, but at the moment, I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking later tonight I will eventually tell someone just everything that is going on in my mind, but I haven't really decided on that yet. :\
One of my biggest problems is that I get mad easily. The smallest things piss me off, and then I'm in a bad mood, and I take it out on people, and usually the wrong people. Everyone knows this too. They tell me all the time. =( I think people sometimes hate talking to me because of it. I can't help it. When I think someone hates me, or is mad at me, I freak out, because I usually don't know what I did wrong, or when I do know, I feel bad afterwards, and just want to try and fix it.
My moods change very easily. I will be happy as can be one minute, then be sad or mad the next. Yeah, it happens to everyone, but it happens a lot to me. And let me tell you, that sucks! =(
When I talk to people, I try and talk to them about some problems I am having, just because I know they will listen.. but once again, I feel like the just don't care. Why do I feel this way? Do people really not care about me? Should I be feeling this way? Maybe. I really don't know. I always get this feeling like I am annoying the hell out of everyone, and that needs to stop. My friends are constantly telling me that they worry about me, and they care for me and love me, so why do I feel this way still? Not a clue.
I'm very close to losing someone who means the world to me, and that breaks my heart. She says that we'll always be friends, and she'll always love me, but she knows as well I do, things are going downhill. She says that things will get better over time, and I really hope she is right. Just remember I love you, and I am sorry for the hell I put you through.
Okay, it's time to go. That's all for now. Leave a comment if you wish. I love you all. TTYL. BYE <3 <3
xoxo, Stefanie.
Anyways, this is going to be an entry where I just really feel what I'm saying. Be prepared.
Have you ever hated yourself for what you do to others? The people you call your friends, your best friends? The people who call YOU their best friends? Well, I hate myself right now. The way I have been treating people(and one person in particular) makes me sick. Literally, sick. I have been getting headaches because I think about it so much, and I don't sleep well. I just wish I wasn't so jealous, or annoying, or mean sometimes. I don't know what comes over me half of the time, but I wish I can find it out soon. *sigh*
I have so much stuff I want to tell people, but I just can't bring myself to it. Maybe I should, because it would work things out, or possibly make them worse, but at the moment, I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking later tonight I will eventually tell someone just everything that is going on in my mind, but I haven't really decided on that yet. :\
One of my biggest problems is that I get mad easily. The smallest things piss me off, and then I'm in a bad mood, and I take it out on people, and usually the wrong people. Everyone knows this too. They tell me all the time. =( I think people sometimes hate talking to me because of it. I can't help it. When I think someone hates me, or is mad at me, I freak out, because I usually don't know what I did wrong, or when I do know, I feel bad afterwards, and just want to try and fix it.
My moods change very easily. I will be happy as can be one minute, then be sad or mad the next. Yeah, it happens to everyone, but it happens a lot to me. And let me tell you, that sucks! =(
When I talk to people, I try and talk to them about some problems I am having, just because I know they will listen.. but once again, I feel like the just don't care. Why do I feel this way? Do people really not care about me? Should I be feeling this way? Maybe. I really don't know. I always get this feeling like I am annoying the hell out of everyone, and that needs to stop. My friends are constantly telling me that they worry about me, and they care for me and love me, so why do I feel this way still? Not a clue.
I'm very close to losing someone who means the world to me, and that breaks my heart. She says that we'll always be friends, and she'll always love me, but she knows as well I do, things are going downhill. She says that things will get better over time, and I really hope she is right. Just remember I love you, and I am sorry for the hell I put you through.
Okay, it's time to go. That's all for now. Leave a comment if you wish. I love you all. TTYL. BYE <3 <3
xoxo, Stefanie.