The One With Refreshment
I feel refreshed!
My confidence is up the roof.
But at the same time I'm kinda down too.
Let me explain.
I turned 20 on saturday and that's all find and dandy. My family visits, we eat at the pier, it's all good. I get back to the dorms and write a paper. I finish a little over half of it. It was kinda late so I decided to go to bed. So I do. 2:34am I hear the same laughter I heard earlier. Try to ignore it. Can't. End up crying because I need my sleep. Give up and go to wash my face. Some guy is in the toilet (mind you, this is an all-girls hall) and didn't bother to close the stall door. Ick. Anyway, get back to my room and work on my paper. Then random guys force my roommate to open the door (she was outside) and they start harassing us, but mainly me. Do you want to drink? Let's do a line! Do you want to kiss me? Ecstasy is a lot like Altoids (and proceeds to take my Altoids from my desk) Let's get fucked up!!! Are you a feminist? Are you implying I'm lower than you? Are you religious? You're a freak! Damn girl, we need to get fucked up together!
Basically, three (maybe more - I only met three) guys came from Oakes or whatever and were hanging out with the people here. They get rowdy. They get drunk. They get high. They harass everyone. Try to put the moves on everyone. They're incredibly stupid and keep asking what our names are every five minutes and reintroducing themselves. Like what the fuck? Ugh.... the only good thing about it is that I got to finish almost all of my paper because I stayed up till 4am. I did my research for art history on sunday and I finished the paper like two hours ago. Life is grand.
Or so I thought.
Those guys scared me. Not because I feared for my safety but because those are the kind of guys I'm afraid of. The guys that want to take advantage of you. The guys that are just idiots. The guys that drink and do drugs and get wasted just for the hell of it. I'm not condemning it but it's not my lifestyle and any guy I'm going to be with has to share that lifestyle too. I won't force it on anyone but I'm also not going to accept anyone who isn't like that. I just know it will cause a lot of social problems and it's better this way. But those guys looked perfectly normal. How can I tell when I met the kind of guy that's right for me?
I get lonely a lot so this is really bugging me. I spend my days on the computer or studying or working. I know I'm a great person and I know I have the capability of being an awesome girlfriend but I need that awesome guy first. I'm afraid I'll never find him. It's something that never goes away - I think about it a lot, not constantly but it does occur frequently. What do I do then? I'm too shy to approach people and I'm always afraid that people will laugh at me and not want to be my friend (it's all relative to my childhood).
I see people laughing together in groups, hugging their friends, eating together, talking, whatever..... they're living life together. Yes, I have friends and I care about them dearly but frankly we aren't that close because of physical distance or conflicting schedules. It's hard. I'm glad I do have those special people in my life. But sometimes I wish I had one person always close by to talk to and be happy with.
My confidence is up the roof.
But at the same time I'm kinda down too.
Let me explain.
I turned 20 on saturday and that's all find and dandy. My family visits, we eat at the pier, it's all good. I get back to the dorms and write a paper. I finish a little over half of it. It was kinda late so I decided to go to bed. So I do. 2:34am I hear the same laughter I heard earlier. Try to ignore it. Can't. End up crying because I need my sleep. Give up and go to wash my face. Some guy is in the toilet (mind you, this is an all-girls hall) and didn't bother to close the stall door. Ick. Anyway, get back to my room and work on my paper. Then random guys force my roommate to open the door (she was outside) and they start harassing us, but mainly me. Do you want to drink? Let's do a line! Do you want to kiss me? Ecstasy is a lot like Altoids (and proceeds to take my Altoids from my desk) Let's get fucked up!!! Are you a feminist? Are you implying I'm lower than you? Are you religious? You're a freak! Damn girl, we need to get fucked up together!
Basically, three (maybe more - I only met three) guys came from Oakes or whatever and were hanging out with the people here. They get rowdy. They get drunk. They get high. They harass everyone. Try to put the moves on everyone. They're incredibly stupid and keep asking what our names are every five minutes and reintroducing themselves. Like what the fuck? Ugh.... the only good thing about it is that I got to finish almost all of my paper because I stayed up till 4am. I did my research for art history on sunday and I finished the paper like two hours ago. Life is grand.
Or so I thought.
Those guys scared me. Not because I feared for my safety but because those are the kind of guys I'm afraid of. The guys that want to take advantage of you. The guys that are just idiots. The guys that drink and do drugs and get wasted just for the hell of it. I'm not condemning it but it's not my lifestyle and any guy I'm going to be with has to share that lifestyle too. I won't force it on anyone but I'm also not going to accept anyone who isn't like that. I just know it will cause a lot of social problems and it's better this way. But those guys looked perfectly normal. How can I tell when I met the kind of guy that's right for me?
I get lonely a lot so this is really bugging me. I spend my days on the computer or studying or working. I know I'm a great person and I know I have the capability of being an awesome girlfriend but I need that awesome guy first. I'm afraid I'll never find him. It's something that never goes away - I think about it a lot, not constantly but it does occur frequently. What do I do then? I'm too shy to approach people and I'm always afraid that people will laugh at me and not want to be my friend (it's all relative to my childhood).
I see people laughing together in groups, hugging their friends, eating together, talking, whatever..... they're living life together. Yes, I have friends and I care about them dearly but frankly we aren't that close because of physical distance or conflicting schedules. It's hard. I'm glad I do have those special people in my life. But sometimes I wish I had one person always close by to talk to and be happy with.