Raised to be wrong
Every time i find a study that shows a problem I had in school was real... There is this feeling of relief and anger. Relief that it wasn't just all in my head, and anger that my saying I had a problem wasn't enough. Anything I said about my feeling or reactions that didn't seem normal were just wrong.
Falling asleep was a huge issue for me. It got so bad I didn't even know I was out until someone woke me up. It felt liked i was drugged
Come to find out year later that the florescent light they used is known to make people sleepy as did the meds i was on.
Waking up super early and being told "man up, everyone has to do it" only to find out that offset cardiac rhythms are normal for teens. As is needing naps and sleeping different hours, its all normal. But I was told it wasn't and I was broken. Even though all my friends had the same issues, we were all just "wrong" to feel tired in school.
Ever had a teacher or elder get mad at you for being to good at something? I sure have. Being raised to think its bad to take pride in your achievements or outshine someone older. but you still need to cry over your failures. What kind of mindset does that build. No wonder teen suicide was so high.
Knowing I was right does not bring me the solace I thought it would. Today I am finally letting go of the possibility of being accepted 'as is' by family. If joy, health, and affordability are not good enough reason to do something, why bother explaining myself.
My mom wants me to be happy, but she wants me to by happy on her terms. It bothers her I am enjoying life on my terms, because as long as I enjoy life this way, I won't change over to her way of doing things.
I don't know how to be happy on someone else's terms. So I live my life on my own terms, because being accepted will never happen. If I am going to be shat upon no matter what I do, i might as well live by my own personal motto: Be happy, and do no harm.