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Cursed: A Modern Novella
by Corey Porter
I saw Cursed tonight, and decided to review the movie. For people who don't want spoilers, don't read. Well you can read if you want. I probably won't end up ruining it for you.
For those who either have not yet seen Cursed, or who didn't understand, the main plotline was about werewolves. For a good deal of the movie, some chick named Ellie(y?) was trying to figure out how to not become a werewolf, while her brother Jimmy was just trying to figure how to do stuff...I don't know, I wasn't paying any attention to him except during the wrestling scene and the scenes where he was getting his ass handed to him. The entire time I was thinking, "Ellie, stop being such a little bitch. Instead of whining about becoming a werewolf, take it like the awesome thing it is." Seriously, what's the downside to becoming a werewolf? First off, you get to eat meat. And lot's of it. And you never ever get fat. Have you ever seen a fat werewolf? No. Because in all their running around naked, they burn all the fat. Which is another awesome perk to being a werewolf. Not only do you get to run around, you get to run around naked. And if you're self-conscience, don't even worry about it. Your "privates" are all either covered in hair, or just simply not visible because they retracted inside of you. Another awesome thing about being a werewolf is the amount of heightened senses. Sight, smell, taste, hearing, and check this-sex. That's right. Sex. You become more sexually appealing to the opposite sex. Or the same sex, if the other person is gay. And if you're worried about not being able to use your forks and knives because they're silver, I have two words for you: plastic utensils. You can buy packs of 3,000 forks/knives/spoons at Sam's for two dollars. That may be an exaggeration, but does it really matter at this point? The only true downside is that when you bite someone or draw blood from someone else, they become a werewolf, too. That, and the everlasting war between vampires and werewolves. But come on, who believes in vampires? Everyone knows vampires aren't real.
For those of you who didn't get the joke, I was making fun of myself. Werewolves don't exist in America either, they're only in London.
For those of you who still didn't understand that it was a joke, then you might be disappointed to learn there are no such things as werewolves.
Only in London.
by Corey Porter
I saw Cursed tonight, and decided to review the movie. For people who don't want spoilers, don't read. Well you can read if you want. I probably won't end up ruining it for you.
For those who either have not yet seen Cursed, or who didn't understand, the main plotline was about werewolves. For a good deal of the movie, some chick named Ellie(y?) was trying to figure out how to not become a werewolf, while her brother Jimmy was just trying to figure how to do stuff...I don't know, I wasn't paying any attention to him except during the wrestling scene and the scenes where he was getting his ass handed to him. The entire time I was thinking, "Ellie, stop being such a little bitch. Instead of whining about becoming a werewolf, take it like the awesome thing it is." Seriously, what's the downside to becoming a werewolf? First off, you get to eat meat. And lot's of it. And you never ever get fat. Have you ever seen a fat werewolf? No. Because in all their running around naked, they burn all the fat. Which is another awesome perk to being a werewolf. Not only do you get to run around, you get to run around naked. And if you're self-conscience, don't even worry about it. Your "privates" are all either covered in hair, or just simply not visible because they retracted inside of you. Another awesome thing about being a werewolf is the amount of heightened senses. Sight, smell, taste, hearing, and check this-sex. That's right. Sex. You become more sexually appealing to the opposite sex. Or the same sex, if the other person is gay. And if you're worried about not being able to use your forks and knives because they're silver, I have two words for you: plastic utensils. You can buy packs of 3,000 forks/knives/spoons at Sam's for two dollars. That may be an exaggeration, but does it really matter at this point? The only true downside is that when you bite someone or draw blood from someone else, they become a werewolf, too. That, and the everlasting war between vampires and werewolves. But come on, who believes in vampires? Everyone knows vampires aren't real.
For those of you who didn't get the joke, I was making fun of myself. Werewolves don't exist in America either, they're only in London.
For those of you who still didn't understand that it was a joke, then you might be disappointed to learn there are no such things as werewolves.
Only in London.