[fic] Slow Decay | Chapter One
Title: Slow Decay
Pairing: Brian/Zacky
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: Mentions of Jimmy's death, AU
Summary: Sometimes it's a little more complex than Until death do we part.
Disclaimer: Fake. Not Real. What a Shame. Disclaimed.
A/N: I should have said this in the prologue! It totally slipped my mind. This is, in fact, an AU but based around the event of Jimmy's death. I hope this doesn't turn anyone away from reading. The amount of positive feedback I received from the first part was overwhelming to me. I haven't written fic in well over 2 years and it was just a confidence boost to know my stories are going to be met with the same love they were before. Thank you so much for reading.
Chapter Index
There were some days where Brian just had a hard time functioning. Dragging himself out of bed before everything started screaming ‘Jimmy’ at him, showering, finding food for himself. It was a tedious routine that he hated doing. But it made Zack happy and so he trudged through it.
It was sunny in the kitchen when Brian made his way into it. There was a pair of Zacky’s favorite bug sunglasses and Brian picked them up, shoving them on his face before going to make himself some coffee. As with most mornings Zack wasn’t around but he left little traces of himself, things that made Brian’s days a little easier. Like the sunglasses for instance. Zack had probably taken off at around 4 in the morning after he’d gone to bed, but he left the sunglasses just because he knew how whiny Brian got over sunlight in the mornings.
Or maybe Brian was romanticizing his best friend and he’d simply forgotten them.
Two months prior Zack had barged in to his house claiming he was moving in. He still hadn’t moved in. However, he was there every day; sometimes he would do housework or make food for the pair of them, other times he would just sit on the couch and have a beer with Brian. Some nights he stayed over either passing out on the couch or curling up with Brian. That all depended on the nightmares though. Brian shivered at the mere thought of it. Those nightmares that were eating up at every piece of his soul, breaking him down further than he thought he could go.
Maybe he was going crazy. He hoped he was going crazy. After the batch of nightmares he’d had a couple days ago he was starting to lose himself to it. Sometimes he couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or awake. But in the end Zacky was always right there, holding down his thrashing body before he hurt himself and whispering words that Brian didn’t always hear but was comforted to have said. He hadn’t thought about what would happen to him, how far gone he would be if Zacky wasn’t there for him. He was pretty far gone as it was, he was just really good at hiding it. As he poured himself a cup of coffee he couldn’t help but wonder where Zack had gone off to today. Maybe home to spend some time with those beloved dogs of his. Or maybe, by the look of the nearly empty fridge, grocery shopping. Or perhaps he just went off to spend time with their friends, or his family. Brian pondered these possibilities not solely because he was interested in them, but because thinking about what Zack was doing was better than not thinking anything at all.
In reality, Brian wouldn’t have liked what Zack was doing, what any of his friends were doing. And that was exactly why Zack kept it a secret from him. It was hard keeping secrets, not just from his best friend but people in general. Zacky had always been so open with anyone that asked that when he had to keep a secret it ate away at him, bit by bit.
Though he would tell no one nor ask for help taking care of Brian. No one even really knew he was doing it. They had their suspicions of course, but no evidence and they weren’t about to ask. It was just another secret that laid heavy on his heart. No one thought Brian really needed help, they couldn’t see it. Zack had seen it, he’d always seen it. He’d seen it in the way Jimmy was always in and out of Brian’s place in a way that was more than just them fucking. The way that, when left alone for periods of time, Brian began to get this dazed look like he was utterly lost. He was a cocky, arrogant bastard, but no one had ever taken the time to show him how life worked. And now here they were, almost 27 and Brian still had that child like quality to him. If left on his own he’d probably eat cereal and ramen noodles and drink coffee all day, shower and dress himself and go out to party. He would never think to go grocery shopping, to pay bills, to walk his dog.
Maybe he was exaggerating. It was the stress, all these secrets gnawing away at him. The depression Brian had slipped into after Jimmy’s passing had only become harder to deal with. And Zacky sometimes hated Jimmy for doing this to the pair of them. In reality Zack could never hate Jimmy, just envy him. Envy the way everyone loved him, the way Brian loved him and the way he loved Brian back. Zack had been in love with Brian for years.
Another secret.
As they seemed to stack themselves higher and higher Zack could feel himself slipping away. It was driving him insane. And he had to deal with his insanity while watching Brian slip further into his with endless nightmares. Every night that Brian started to thrash about Zack would be there, holding him still, whispering words of comfort and reveling in the fact that he was allowed to be this close to Brian. Yet Brian still cried for Jimmy.
“Zack.”
Confuse, Zack looked up from the paper he was reading. Some story about a string of murders all leading to a dead end and warning people about going out at night. He’d only been skimming it, more lost in his thoughts than reading. But shaken out of his reverie he found himself staring up at Matt. The man had an uneasy smile on his face, aware he’d startled the smaller man.
“Hey Matt.”
“Whatcha readin’?” Matt asked, trying to make some small talk before the looming conversation they needed to have was reached. He took a seat across the café table from Zack and nodded towards the paper. Zack looked from Matt to the story he’d been reading and back to Matt with a shrug.
“Dunno, wasn’t really reading too much of it. Murders or something.” He replied.
Matt nodded, fidgeting a bit in his seat before trying to offer Zacky another uneasy smile. If this was his way of trying to reassure him, he was failing horribly. Zack couldn’t take it and he sighed vehemently.
“Matt, just say it.”
“They haven’t found him.” Matt muttered quietly. It was a hard reality, something none of them wanted to accept. Not to mention how fucking terrifying it was. Goosebumps raised themselves on Zack’s flesh as an ambulance went zooming past, the sirens startling him a bit when he was lost in such an intense moment.
“You need to tell him.”
“No!” The way Zack snapped so quickly at Matt had the bigger man jumping slightly. “No.” Zack repeated, softer this time, feeling guilty for shouting at Matt, “He can’t know Matt.” The issue was left like that. Zack didn’t want to discuss it further, he didn’t want to think about it anymore.
“Zacky…”
“I’ve gotta go Matt. Errands to run and shit.” Zack murmured standing up so abruptly that he nearly knocked his chair over. Matt watched helplessly as he marched off. He glanced at the newspaper Zack had been reading before sighing and shaking his head.
---
It was about seven in the evening when Zack finally got back to Brian’s place. He pulled out his keys and let himself into the house with Pinkly almost immediately under his feet. He grinned at the dog, lightly nudging her aside with his foot so he could kick off his shoes. After he’d left Matt he’d gone home to feed and love on his dogs, then back out to go grocery shopping for Brian. It had given him time to mellow out, relax so he could face Brian. As he shuffled his way into the kitchen, Zacky could hear the shower running. That was fine, gave him time to make dinner for the both of them.
It always amused him how people could assume he was a bred and born chef just because he was Italian. The food he did know how to make was good, but he couldn’t make extravagant dishes or tell you why certain herbs or spices made something taste better than others. He knew that it was edible and he was hungry. Tonight he decided to make lazy man’s spaghetti. Which was actually just macaroni noodles with some canned pasta sauce thrown into the mix and maybe some parmesan cheese. It was quick and easy and tasted good. Brian liked it as well, which was a bonus. By the time the older man came out of the shower and had gotten some clothes on Zack was pulling out dishes.
“Smells good, whatcha makin’?” Brian hummed, heading to the fridge to pull out a beer for himself.
“Pasta.” Zack replied simply, leaning over and turning off the element before he served himself. “Wanna watch some TV?” He offered, grabbing a fork out of the utensil drawer and moving aside so Brian could get at the food.
“Sure.” Came the reply, followed by a shrug. Brian had watched TV for most of the day and was kind of bored with it. However, with Zack around it always became a bit more entertaining. Their snide comments and banter and occasional redubbing of the voices made it not so boring. Needless to say Brian was happy to have Zack around to watch TV with, to keep company with and just talk about things. Not that he said much anymore, but when he felt like it, it was nice to have someone to talk to.
Zack took his food and sauntered off to the living room while Brian served himself a fairly generous helping of the pasta. He hadn’t been eating much before, but with Zacky constantly around, nagging him and reminding him his appetite had come back. He was starving really, he’d only had a bit of cereal since there hadn’t been much else to eat all day. Making sure to grab Zack a beer from the fridge as well, Brian followed him to the living room. Once his food was placed down on the coffee table, he flopped down lazily onto the couch next to his friend.
“So what did you do today?” He asked, slouching on the couch and bringing his plate to his rest on his chest so he could eat.
“Saw Matt for a bit, went and spent time with my dogs, grocery shopping.” Zack mused, glancing over at Brian. “If you sit like that you’re going to make a mess of the food and yourself.”
Brian ignored the little comment. “How’s Matt?”
“He’s alright.” Shrugging nonchalantly he returned his gaze to the show they were watching. “Misses you, you know. You should come hang out with us tomorrow, come to the bar.”
Brian seemed hesitant with the offer, but Zack didn’t push him into agreeing to it. He wanted to, it had been two god damn months and he just wanted Brian to be a little bit okay by now. There was a stretched silence between them only mildly filled by forks scraping plates and the low murmur of the TV. Finally Brain sat up, setting down his plate and picking up his beer, staring at the bottle a moment before taking a sip.
“Yeah, alright. You’re right, I need to get out more.”
“I never said that.”
“Not out loud, you didn’t.” Brian smirked knowingly at Zack. He knew how his mind worked. Zack seemed a little taken by surprise but then laughed and nodded.
“You need to keep the hell outta my head man. But good, I’m glad you’ll come.”
That was about the extent of their conversation for the night. It didn’t have to be said to know Zacky would be spending the night again, probably passing out on the couch by the looks of him. Once they were both done eating Brian cleared away the plates and put them in the sink to be washed later. He busied himself around in the kitchen a bit, putting the rest of the pasta in a container for later tucked away in the fridge, rinsing out his empty beer bottle and generally cleaning up. Just because Zack liked to act like a house maid for him didn’t mean he was always going to let him.
By the time Brian returned to the living room to watch some more TV, Zacky was passed out. Laughing quietly and rolling his eyes at the man, Brian pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and tossed it over his band mate. “Crazy kid.” He muttered, shaking his head. Then, impulsively, he leaned down and lightly kissed Zack’s forehead. “Sleep well.”
Making sure to turn out the lights on his way to his room, Brian wondered if he’d fall asleep that easily.
---
“Brian, if you don’t hurry your ass up I’m going to leave without you!” Zacky yelled from the living room. He was sitting on the floor playing with Pinkly as he waited for Mr. Diva to pick out a stupid shirt so they could go to the bar. He’d changed twice already. It was starting to get annoying.
“Hold on a second man! Jesus.” Brian yelled back. He stood shirtless in front of his closet, arms crossed and frowning. Despite Zacky’s grumbled annoyances and his shouts of ‘Diva’ Brian wouldn’t be rushed. Normally it would have never taken him this long to get ready but he hadn’t hung out with his band mates in a while. Not for extended periods of time anyways. He needed to find a shirt that made it seem like he wasn’t suffering. His first had been too loose and relaxed and it was too much like the shirts he lounged around the house in. The next was too dressy, like he was trying too hard to be happy. Fuck, when did this get so hard?
Adjusting the low slung jeans on his hips he reached into his closet and pulled out a black t-shirt with a silver inlayed skull along the bottom right. Jimmy had gotten him the shirt for his birthday a couple years back. He hesitated before deciding that he would wear it. Yes, he was still suffering the loss, but he would try to not let it show. Mostly for Zacky’s sake.
Zacky glanced up, grinning when Brian finally emerged. His hair was up in its usual mess of spikes, his eyes were rimmed with kohl and his shirt just barely covered the top of his pants, giving hints and promises of sharp hipbones to be revealed later when his shirt would inevitably ride up. He looked alive for once and to be honest it made Zack’s heart flutter just a bit. But instead of acting on that he just grinned.
“Finally.”
“Shut up.” Brian grumbled, though he smiled and it was all in good humor. Zack stood up and just rolled his eyes.
“Alright, let’s go.” He chuckled, grabbing his keys off the coffee table and pocketing them. Earlier, while waiting for Brian to get dressed, Zack had decided that maybe he wouldn’t drink a lot tonight. Not just so he could actually drive them home, but to keep a better eye on Brian. He knew he shouldn’t have been thinking like that, but he was worried for the man still and it had become second nature to think that way.
“Are you drivin’?” Brian asked, cocking an eyebrow as he followed Zack out of the house. He got a shrug in return. He felt like protesting but he knew how stubborn Zack could be once his mind was set on something. What was the point of going to the bar if he wasn’t going to get trashed? The slow realization started to dawn on him as they got into Zacky’s car and the engine came to life. For the past two months Zacky’s life had been just this. Sacrificing the things he enjoyed to take care of him. Brian felt like a villain suddenly because instead of working on making himself better he’d just let Zack take care of him without any effort or thanks in return.
“Well, we’re taking a cab home.” Brian said matter of factly which got him a curious look in return. “You can’t drive home if you’re trashed, idiot. That’s what going to the bar is for. And so help me if we’re not both drunk off our asses at the end of the night there will be hell to pay.” He warned, wagging his eyebrows playfully at Zack with a shit eating smirk on his face. Zack couldn’t resist laughing at his ridiculousness.
“Fine.” He said with a laugh, returning his eyes to the road. He wasn’t sure what had taken over Brian to make him say that, but for the first time in months he seemed like himself and Zack wasn’t going to press his luck by questioning it.
“Good.” Brian said, still grinning as he leaned forward to fiddle with the radio.
---
Zacky had to admit, he was pretty damn sloshed by the time midnight rolled around. Matt had his arm draped around his shoulders and was leaning heavily on him. In turn he was leaning on Johnny because he couldn’t support that weight. Johnny was, unfortunately, squished against the side of their rounded booth. However he wasn’t complaining. Mostly because he was too drunk to feel the pain of two of his band mates squishing the hell out of him.
“Guys, you’re killing Johnny Christ.” Brian said, grinning idiotically at them as he returned to the table with another round of drinks. How he was even walking was beyond him. Setting down the Heineken’s Brian shuffled his way back into the booth, worming his way between Zack and Matt. As the night had progressed he’d gotten slightly more attached to Zacky, for lack of a better term. He wasn’t sure why, though he suspected he’d had a drunken epiphany when no one was looking. Came up and ninja kicked him in the ass, it did. He couldn’t quite recall what this epiphany exactly was except that Zack had been around him for two damn months doing everything for him and he’d done jack shit to make either of their lives easier. He owed him something.
Johnny seemed to breathe a bit easier as Brian shoved Matt over and picked Zacky up off him. He grinned at Brian as a silent thanks and Brian just laughed, reaching around Zack to ruffle the smaller man’s hair. After that he just let his arm hang loose around Zack’s shoulders, sipping at his beer. Zack leaned into him slightly on the pretense of reaching for his own bottle. Everyone else was too drunk to notice. It took Zack a few sips of his beer and getting cozy against Brian’s side to actually realize what was happening. Worriedly he looked up at Brian who was deep in conversation with Matt about whether or not that blonde flitting around the bar was utterly bangable or not.
“I dunno man. I like ‘em with dark hair.” Brian chuckled, “Find me her brunette twin and I’d be all over it.” He glanced down at Zack with a lopsided smirk. Not that the younger man noticed, too absorbed in a new conversation he’d struck up with Johnny when the pair of them realized they were being ignored by their friends.
All four were jerked from their conversations when the blonde in question came stumbling over to their table. She nearly fell but caught herself on the wooden surface, hands coming down with a slam that had Zacky jumping a bit. She looked desperately frantic and there were tears in her eyes.
“Please.” She begged them, “I’m looking for my sister, Michelle. Have you seen her?”
Matt looked at Brian and then Zack, both shrugged. All three turned to look at Johnny and he got a little wide eyed. “What?”
“She looks just like me, but with brown hair.”
Brian turned to Matt and cocked an eyebrow with a shit eating grin. Matt just rolled his eyes. “We haven’t seen your sister, sorry.” He added, turning back to the blonde. “Maybe she just went home with someone.”
This didn’t seem to appease the girl and she let out a frustrated noise and took off again. The guys watched her go, Brian’s voice breaking the silence after a moment.
“Whaaaaat a drunk bitch.” He said, eliciting laughs from the others. She was soon easily forgotten and their night continued.
About an hour later it was mutually decided that it should be called a night. Of course this was only decided because Zacky was starting to pass out, slumping against Brian’s side. His eyes were drooping and he’d mumble barely audible answers to people when he was spoken too. Brian was poking him and laughing.
“Alright boys. I think…I think it’s time we shoved off.” Brian announced, voice slurring just so to show how drunk he truly was. He wrapped one arm around Zacky’s middle, dragging him along the bench as he shoved Matt out of the booth so they could stand. Zack was unsteady on his feet and lurched forward when dragged up, nearly taking them both to the ground. Fortunately Matt grabbed the hem of Brian’s shirt and prevented them from falling. They all chuckled and steadied themselves.
“Thanks Matt.” Zack slurred, waving over his shoulder at the muscular man before trying to stumble off. Brian laughed and waved goodbye, trying to keep up with Zack and keep him from utterly face-planting. The pair managed to make it outside with Zack giving up trying to keep his balance and leaning on Brian. Probably being a little more clingy and touchy than was socially acceptable but he was wasted and had little to no inhibitions. They both looked around a bit stupidly before Brian realized to flag a cab.
“You know…” Zacky muttered, “You have to come get my car tomorrow. You…making me drunk…Drunky McDrunkerson. Drunk. Fuck I am sooo wasted.” He giggled, pressing his forehead to Brian’s shoulder until the fit subsided. Brian couldn’t help but chuckle with Zack, only making him get off his shoulder once a cab pulled up for him.
With the effort of getting them both into the cab and trying to get out proper directions to Brian’s house, Zacky kept trying to give the address to the zoo for some reason, what was happening in the alley went completely unnoticed to anyone. With a sick plopping sound, there was a slight spray of blood that soaked and dyed normally sunny blonde hair deep crimson as a body was dropped to the alley floor. A bloodied leather boot kicked the lifeless body to the side and there was a slight crack as a pair of skulls collided. Twins. A rare treat. But the keen eyes that had been occupied with the women had moved to the men getting into the cab with an almost predatory growl that was lost to the noises of the busy L.A. night life.
Pairing: Brian/Zacky
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: Mentions of Jimmy's death, AU
Summary: Sometimes it's a little more complex than Until death do we part.
Disclaimer: Fake. Not Real. What a Shame. Disclaimed.
A/N: I should have said this in the prologue! It totally slipped my mind. This is, in fact, an AU but based around the event of Jimmy's death. I hope this doesn't turn anyone away from reading. The amount of positive feedback I received from the first part was overwhelming to me. I haven't written fic in well over 2 years and it was just a confidence boost to know my stories are going to be met with the same love they were before. Thank you so much for reading.
Chapter Index
There were some days where Brian just had a hard time functioning. Dragging himself out of bed before everything started screaming ‘Jimmy’ at him, showering, finding food for himself. It was a tedious routine that he hated doing. But it made Zack happy and so he trudged through it.
It was sunny in the kitchen when Brian made his way into it. There was a pair of Zacky’s favorite bug sunglasses and Brian picked them up, shoving them on his face before going to make himself some coffee. As with most mornings Zack wasn’t around but he left little traces of himself, things that made Brian’s days a little easier. Like the sunglasses for instance. Zack had probably taken off at around 4 in the morning after he’d gone to bed, but he left the sunglasses just because he knew how whiny Brian got over sunlight in the mornings.
Or maybe Brian was romanticizing his best friend and he’d simply forgotten them.
Two months prior Zack had barged in to his house claiming he was moving in. He still hadn’t moved in. However, he was there every day; sometimes he would do housework or make food for the pair of them, other times he would just sit on the couch and have a beer with Brian. Some nights he stayed over either passing out on the couch or curling up with Brian. That all depended on the nightmares though. Brian shivered at the mere thought of it. Those nightmares that were eating up at every piece of his soul, breaking him down further than he thought he could go.
Maybe he was going crazy. He hoped he was going crazy. After the batch of nightmares he’d had a couple days ago he was starting to lose himself to it. Sometimes he couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or awake. But in the end Zacky was always right there, holding down his thrashing body before he hurt himself and whispering words that Brian didn’t always hear but was comforted to have said. He hadn’t thought about what would happen to him, how far gone he would be if Zacky wasn’t there for him. He was pretty far gone as it was, he was just really good at hiding it. As he poured himself a cup of coffee he couldn’t help but wonder where Zack had gone off to today. Maybe home to spend some time with those beloved dogs of his. Or maybe, by the look of the nearly empty fridge, grocery shopping. Or perhaps he just went off to spend time with their friends, or his family. Brian pondered these possibilities not solely because he was interested in them, but because thinking about what Zack was doing was better than not thinking anything at all.
In reality, Brian wouldn’t have liked what Zack was doing, what any of his friends were doing. And that was exactly why Zack kept it a secret from him. It was hard keeping secrets, not just from his best friend but people in general. Zacky had always been so open with anyone that asked that when he had to keep a secret it ate away at him, bit by bit.
Though he would tell no one nor ask for help taking care of Brian. No one even really knew he was doing it. They had their suspicions of course, but no evidence and they weren’t about to ask. It was just another secret that laid heavy on his heart. No one thought Brian really needed help, they couldn’t see it. Zack had seen it, he’d always seen it. He’d seen it in the way Jimmy was always in and out of Brian’s place in a way that was more than just them fucking. The way that, when left alone for periods of time, Brian began to get this dazed look like he was utterly lost. He was a cocky, arrogant bastard, but no one had ever taken the time to show him how life worked. And now here they were, almost 27 and Brian still had that child like quality to him. If left on his own he’d probably eat cereal and ramen noodles and drink coffee all day, shower and dress himself and go out to party. He would never think to go grocery shopping, to pay bills, to walk his dog.
Maybe he was exaggerating. It was the stress, all these secrets gnawing away at him. The depression Brian had slipped into after Jimmy’s passing had only become harder to deal with. And Zacky sometimes hated Jimmy for doing this to the pair of them. In reality Zack could never hate Jimmy, just envy him. Envy the way everyone loved him, the way Brian loved him and the way he loved Brian back. Zack had been in love with Brian for years.
Another secret.
As they seemed to stack themselves higher and higher Zack could feel himself slipping away. It was driving him insane. And he had to deal with his insanity while watching Brian slip further into his with endless nightmares. Every night that Brian started to thrash about Zack would be there, holding him still, whispering words of comfort and reveling in the fact that he was allowed to be this close to Brian. Yet Brian still cried for Jimmy.
“Zack.”
Confuse, Zack looked up from the paper he was reading. Some story about a string of murders all leading to a dead end and warning people about going out at night. He’d only been skimming it, more lost in his thoughts than reading. But shaken out of his reverie he found himself staring up at Matt. The man had an uneasy smile on his face, aware he’d startled the smaller man.
“Hey Matt.”
“Whatcha readin’?” Matt asked, trying to make some small talk before the looming conversation they needed to have was reached. He took a seat across the café table from Zack and nodded towards the paper. Zack looked from Matt to the story he’d been reading and back to Matt with a shrug.
“Dunno, wasn’t really reading too much of it. Murders or something.” He replied.
Matt nodded, fidgeting a bit in his seat before trying to offer Zacky another uneasy smile. If this was his way of trying to reassure him, he was failing horribly. Zack couldn’t take it and he sighed vehemently.
“Matt, just say it.”
“They haven’t found him.” Matt muttered quietly. It was a hard reality, something none of them wanted to accept. Not to mention how fucking terrifying it was. Goosebumps raised themselves on Zack’s flesh as an ambulance went zooming past, the sirens startling him a bit when he was lost in such an intense moment.
“You need to tell him.”
“No!” The way Zack snapped so quickly at Matt had the bigger man jumping slightly. “No.” Zack repeated, softer this time, feeling guilty for shouting at Matt, “He can’t know Matt.” The issue was left like that. Zack didn’t want to discuss it further, he didn’t want to think about it anymore.
“Zacky…”
“I’ve gotta go Matt. Errands to run and shit.” Zack murmured standing up so abruptly that he nearly knocked his chair over. Matt watched helplessly as he marched off. He glanced at the newspaper Zack had been reading before sighing and shaking his head.
---
It was about seven in the evening when Zack finally got back to Brian’s place. He pulled out his keys and let himself into the house with Pinkly almost immediately under his feet. He grinned at the dog, lightly nudging her aside with his foot so he could kick off his shoes. After he’d left Matt he’d gone home to feed and love on his dogs, then back out to go grocery shopping for Brian. It had given him time to mellow out, relax so he could face Brian. As he shuffled his way into the kitchen, Zacky could hear the shower running. That was fine, gave him time to make dinner for the both of them.
It always amused him how people could assume he was a bred and born chef just because he was Italian. The food he did know how to make was good, but he couldn’t make extravagant dishes or tell you why certain herbs or spices made something taste better than others. He knew that it was edible and he was hungry. Tonight he decided to make lazy man’s spaghetti. Which was actually just macaroni noodles with some canned pasta sauce thrown into the mix and maybe some parmesan cheese. It was quick and easy and tasted good. Brian liked it as well, which was a bonus. By the time the older man came out of the shower and had gotten some clothes on Zack was pulling out dishes.
“Smells good, whatcha makin’?” Brian hummed, heading to the fridge to pull out a beer for himself.
“Pasta.” Zack replied simply, leaning over and turning off the element before he served himself. “Wanna watch some TV?” He offered, grabbing a fork out of the utensil drawer and moving aside so Brian could get at the food.
“Sure.” Came the reply, followed by a shrug. Brian had watched TV for most of the day and was kind of bored with it. However, with Zack around it always became a bit more entertaining. Their snide comments and banter and occasional redubbing of the voices made it not so boring. Needless to say Brian was happy to have Zack around to watch TV with, to keep company with and just talk about things. Not that he said much anymore, but when he felt like it, it was nice to have someone to talk to.
Zack took his food and sauntered off to the living room while Brian served himself a fairly generous helping of the pasta. He hadn’t been eating much before, but with Zacky constantly around, nagging him and reminding him his appetite had come back. He was starving really, he’d only had a bit of cereal since there hadn’t been much else to eat all day. Making sure to grab Zack a beer from the fridge as well, Brian followed him to the living room. Once his food was placed down on the coffee table, he flopped down lazily onto the couch next to his friend.
“So what did you do today?” He asked, slouching on the couch and bringing his plate to his rest on his chest so he could eat.
“Saw Matt for a bit, went and spent time with my dogs, grocery shopping.” Zack mused, glancing over at Brian. “If you sit like that you’re going to make a mess of the food and yourself.”
Brian ignored the little comment. “How’s Matt?”
“He’s alright.” Shrugging nonchalantly he returned his gaze to the show they were watching. “Misses you, you know. You should come hang out with us tomorrow, come to the bar.”
Brian seemed hesitant with the offer, but Zack didn’t push him into agreeing to it. He wanted to, it had been two god damn months and he just wanted Brian to be a little bit okay by now. There was a stretched silence between them only mildly filled by forks scraping plates and the low murmur of the TV. Finally Brain sat up, setting down his plate and picking up his beer, staring at the bottle a moment before taking a sip.
“Yeah, alright. You’re right, I need to get out more.”
“I never said that.”
“Not out loud, you didn’t.” Brian smirked knowingly at Zack. He knew how his mind worked. Zack seemed a little taken by surprise but then laughed and nodded.
“You need to keep the hell outta my head man. But good, I’m glad you’ll come.”
That was about the extent of their conversation for the night. It didn’t have to be said to know Zacky would be spending the night again, probably passing out on the couch by the looks of him. Once they were both done eating Brian cleared away the plates and put them in the sink to be washed later. He busied himself around in the kitchen a bit, putting the rest of the pasta in a container for later tucked away in the fridge, rinsing out his empty beer bottle and generally cleaning up. Just because Zack liked to act like a house maid for him didn’t mean he was always going to let him.
By the time Brian returned to the living room to watch some more TV, Zacky was passed out. Laughing quietly and rolling his eyes at the man, Brian pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and tossed it over his band mate. “Crazy kid.” He muttered, shaking his head. Then, impulsively, he leaned down and lightly kissed Zack’s forehead. “Sleep well.”
Making sure to turn out the lights on his way to his room, Brian wondered if he’d fall asleep that easily.
---
“Brian, if you don’t hurry your ass up I’m going to leave without you!” Zacky yelled from the living room. He was sitting on the floor playing with Pinkly as he waited for Mr. Diva to pick out a stupid shirt so they could go to the bar. He’d changed twice already. It was starting to get annoying.
“Hold on a second man! Jesus.” Brian yelled back. He stood shirtless in front of his closet, arms crossed and frowning. Despite Zacky’s grumbled annoyances and his shouts of ‘Diva’ Brian wouldn’t be rushed. Normally it would have never taken him this long to get ready but he hadn’t hung out with his band mates in a while. Not for extended periods of time anyways. He needed to find a shirt that made it seem like he wasn’t suffering. His first had been too loose and relaxed and it was too much like the shirts he lounged around the house in. The next was too dressy, like he was trying too hard to be happy. Fuck, when did this get so hard?
Adjusting the low slung jeans on his hips he reached into his closet and pulled out a black t-shirt with a silver inlayed skull along the bottom right. Jimmy had gotten him the shirt for his birthday a couple years back. He hesitated before deciding that he would wear it. Yes, he was still suffering the loss, but he would try to not let it show. Mostly for Zacky’s sake.
Zacky glanced up, grinning when Brian finally emerged. His hair was up in its usual mess of spikes, his eyes were rimmed with kohl and his shirt just barely covered the top of his pants, giving hints and promises of sharp hipbones to be revealed later when his shirt would inevitably ride up. He looked alive for once and to be honest it made Zack’s heart flutter just a bit. But instead of acting on that he just grinned.
“Finally.”
“Shut up.” Brian grumbled, though he smiled and it was all in good humor. Zack stood up and just rolled his eyes.
“Alright, let’s go.” He chuckled, grabbing his keys off the coffee table and pocketing them. Earlier, while waiting for Brian to get dressed, Zack had decided that maybe he wouldn’t drink a lot tonight. Not just so he could actually drive them home, but to keep a better eye on Brian. He knew he shouldn’t have been thinking like that, but he was worried for the man still and it had become second nature to think that way.
“Are you drivin’?” Brian asked, cocking an eyebrow as he followed Zack out of the house. He got a shrug in return. He felt like protesting but he knew how stubborn Zack could be once his mind was set on something. What was the point of going to the bar if he wasn’t going to get trashed? The slow realization started to dawn on him as they got into Zacky’s car and the engine came to life. For the past two months Zacky’s life had been just this. Sacrificing the things he enjoyed to take care of him. Brian felt like a villain suddenly because instead of working on making himself better he’d just let Zack take care of him without any effort or thanks in return.
“Well, we’re taking a cab home.” Brian said matter of factly which got him a curious look in return. “You can’t drive home if you’re trashed, idiot. That’s what going to the bar is for. And so help me if we’re not both drunk off our asses at the end of the night there will be hell to pay.” He warned, wagging his eyebrows playfully at Zack with a shit eating smirk on his face. Zack couldn’t resist laughing at his ridiculousness.
“Fine.” He said with a laugh, returning his eyes to the road. He wasn’t sure what had taken over Brian to make him say that, but for the first time in months he seemed like himself and Zack wasn’t going to press his luck by questioning it.
“Good.” Brian said, still grinning as he leaned forward to fiddle with the radio.
---
Zacky had to admit, he was pretty damn sloshed by the time midnight rolled around. Matt had his arm draped around his shoulders and was leaning heavily on him. In turn he was leaning on Johnny because he couldn’t support that weight. Johnny was, unfortunately, squished against the side of their rounded booth. However he wasn’t complaining. Mostly because he was too drunk to feel the pain of two of his band mates squishing the hell out of him.
“Guys, you’re killing Johnny Christ.” Brian said, grinning idiotically at them as he returned to the table with another round of drinks. How he was even walking was beyond him. Setting down the Heineken’s Brian shuffled his way back into the booth, worming his way between Zack and Matt. As the night had progressed he’d gotten slightly more attached to Zacky, for lack of a better term. He wasn’t sure why, though he suspected he’d had a drunken epiphany when no one was looking. Came up and ninja kicked him in the ass, it did. He couldn’t quite recall what this epiphany exactly was except that Zack had been around him for two damn months doing everything for him and he’d done jack shit to make either of their lives easier. He owed him something.
Johnny seemed to breathe a bit easier as Brian shoved Matt over and picked Zacky up off him. He grinned at Brian as a silent thanks and Brian just laughed, reaching around Zack to ruffle the smaller man’s hair. After that he just let his arm hang loose around Zack’s shoulders, sipping at his beer. Zack leaned into him slightly on the pretense of reaching for his own bottle. Everyone else was too drunk to notice. It took Zack a few sips of his beer and getting cozy against Brian’s side to actually realize what was happening. Worriedly he looked up at Brian who was deep in conversation with Matt about whether or not that blonde flitting around the bar was utterly bangable or not.
“I dunno man. I like ‘em with dark hair.” Brian chuckled, “Find me her brunette twin and I’d be all over it.” He glanced down at Zack with a lopsided smirk. Not that the younger man noticed, too absorbed in a new conversation he’d struck up with Johnny when the pair of them realized they were being ignored by their friends.
All four were jerked from their conversations when the blonde in question came stumbling over to their table. She nearly fell but caught herself on the wooden surface, hands coming down with a slam that had Zacky jumping a bit. She looked desperately frantic and there were tears in her eyes.
“Please.” She begged them, “I’m looking for my sister, Michelle. Have you seen her?”
Matt looked at Brian and then Zack, both shrugged. All three turned to look at Johnny and he got a little wide eyed. “What?”
“She looks just like me, but with brown hair.”
Brian turned to Matt and cocked an eyebrow with a shit eating grin. Matt just rolled his eyes. “We haven’t seen your sister, sorry.” He added, turning back to the blonde. “Maybe she just went home with someone.”
This didn’t seem to appease the girl and she let out a frustrated noise and took off again. The guys watched her go, Brian’s voice breaking the silence after a moment.
“Whaaaaat a drunk bitch.” He said, eliciting laughs from the others. She was soon easily forgotten and their night continued.
About an hour later it was mutually decided that it should be called a night. Of course this was only decided because Zacky was starting to pass out, slumping against Brian’s side. His eyes were drooping and he’d mumble barely audible answers to people when he was spoken too. Brian was poking him and laughing.
“Alright boys. I think…I think it’s time we shoved off.” Brian announced, voice slurring just so to show how drunk he truly was. He wrapped one arm around Zacky’s middle, dragging him along the bench as he shoved Matt out of the booth so they could stand. Zack was unsteady on his feet and lurched forward when dragged up, nearly taking them both to the ground. Fortunately Matt grabbed the hem of Brian’s shirt and prevented them from falling. They all chuckled and steadied themselves.
“Thanks Matt.” Zack slurred, waving over his shoulder at the muscular man before trying to stumble off. Brian laughed and waved goodbye, trying to keep up with Zack and keep him from utterly face-planting. The pair managed to make it outside with Zack giving up trying to keep his balance and leaning on Brian. Probably being a little more clingy and touchy than was socially acceptable but he was wasted and had little to no inhibitions. They both looked around a bit stupidly before Brian realized to flag a cab.
“You know…” Zacky muttered, “You have to come get my car tomorrow. You…making me drunk…Drunky McDrunkerson. Drunk. Fuck I am sooo wasted.” He giggled, pressing his forehead to Brian’s shoulder until the fit subsided. Brian couldn’t help but chuckle with Zack, only making him get off his shoulder once a cab pulled up for him.
With the effort of getting them both into the cab and trying to get out proper directions to Brian’s house, Zacky kept trying to give the address to the zoo for some reason, what was happening in the alley went completely unnoticed to anyone. With a sick plopping sound, there was a slight spray of blood that soaked and dyed normally sunny blonde hair deep crimson as a body was dropped to the alley floor. A bloodied leather boot kicked the lifeless body to the side and there was a slight crack as a pair of skulls collided. Twins. A rare treat. But the keen eyes that had been occupied with the women had moved to the men getting into the cab with an almost predatory growl that was lost to the noises of the busy L.A. night life.