Selena/Demi fic. Uhm, I forgot the title...
Oh wow, I apparently have a thing about writing fic when I'm kinda drunk. Go figure, right? Seriously though, my poor spell check almost broke with this and it's rather confusing plot is hurting my almost hung over head, but whatever. I wrote it, so I'm gonna post it. Excuse the mistakes and read at your own risk.
It had been a horrible idea. A truly god awful, sentimental whim had clouded her judgment and now it was too late to turn back, because her hand, her evil devil possessed hand, had already knocked on the door. Selena felt like throwing up.
For a second or two she thought about running, but her traitorous feet stayed glued to the floor, determinately planted a few feet apart and holding steady. It was a truly sad state of affairs when your own body betrayed you in such a horrifying way, but Selena had very little time to ponder this as the door in front of her swung open.
Her first thought was: Hot. Her second thought was: Crap, run. She hated how her hormones had precedent over her self preservation instincts. Being seventeen was truly a curse for Selena, she couldn't wait to be old and composed and indifferent to girls in yoga pants and half zipped hoodies that clearly showcased awesome boobs.
Boobs would be the death of her, she just knew it.
“Selena?”
She ripped her eyes away from the breasts in question, because awesomeness aside, this was still all kinds of awkward and embarrassing, and she needed to concentrate.
“Uh, hey.”
Not the greatest opener ever, but it was all she got, because it had been months since she'd been in this position, months filled with silence and sadness and unspoken regret, and the ache in her chest at the sight of Demi had kinda caught her off guard. It shouldn't have, but it did. Shaking her head once, and gently scratching fingers over her palpitating heart, she tried again.
“So, I was in the neighborhood...”
She stopped herself right there and bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping unrealistically that a magical hole would open up and funnel her down to, like, China or somewhere. Smooth, Gomez, real smooth. She took a deep breath and looked at Demi again.
“Well, okay, I was in the hotel and sorta saw you getting into the elevator and I maybe stalked your bellboy to get your room number...” That didn't sound right either, but Selena was more or less committed to doing this now, so she pressed on anyway. “And I mean how big of a coincidence is this? Both of us getting stuck in New York on Christmas Eve, in the same hotel even...”
Demi was still unresponsive, looking at her like she was maybe a little nuts, and Selena came to a painful stop. This had been a horrible idea. She was never, ever going to drink anything starting with egg and ending with nog again. Especially if David winked at her and told her it would give her a nice kick. Somehow she'd always known she'd be an incredibly stupid drunk, this had just simply proven that.
“You know what? Forget I was here, I'm pretty sure I will in the morning...”
Finally her body seemed to register her fervent need to flee and she swung around, intently heading for the elevator down the hall. Okay, it had been horribly embarrassing and all, but she was pretty sure it would only be a fuzzy memory in the morning. Alcohol was at least supposed to be good like that. Except there was a hand around her wrist, fingers familiar and warm against her skin, and she maybe froze right there. Warmth crept up her arm, settled firmly in the pit of her stomach and with a shaky sigh, she turned back.
“Are you okay?”
Demi's voice was soft, but before Selena could answer she was distracted by fingers brushing softly across her cheek, their tips absorbing the heat she knew she was radiating. She knew she was flushed, knew that alcohol and mortification played an equal part in causing it.
“No, I'm fine, a little drunk maybe, or, you know, a lot, but I'll be fine as soon as I get to my room.”
Demi's grip around her wrist tightened as her mouth kinda just sagged open. It was a testament of how much Selena had missed her that the sight was still kinda turning her on.
“You're drunk?! You know what, don't answer that yet, just get inside before someone sees you.”
Demi looked kinda pissed off, but she did pissed off hotly, so Selena meekly followed her into her room. She noticed that the t.v was on, a rerun of some Christmas movie she'd probably watched herself before, and then suddenly she was rather firmly shoved onto a couch. She felt herself bounce a little, her stomach swirling rather unpleasantly at the motion, and took a deep breath to settle herself before looking up.
“I miss you.”
The words were out before she could think better of them, but Demi's scowl seemed to lesson at hearing them, so she thought she was maybe doing something right since knocking on the door, and continued.
“I miss us crazy dancing and dressing up and I miss the way you made my stomach tingle when you smiled at me. I'm sorry that we fought, it was stupid and I knew it was stupid, but I was scared, okay? You scared me, you still do, but not having you is pretty much worse than that, so I want us to stop this whole not being friends thing, because I think deep down you want that too. Because we're good together and nothing really seems worth it without you, no matter how hard I try to pretend that it does.”
She leaned forward and grabbed Demi's hand, fitting her fingers easily between the warm digits, squeezing gently.
“Maybe I shouldn't say this, maybe you can't hear it, but I love you Demi and you know I mean it in every way possible. So maybe you can't say it back, maybe you never will, but can't you at least be my friend again? Can't you let me have that?”
It had been boiling inside her for months, ever since Trace and Dirk, and as much as she wished she could blame the downfall of their friendship on Demi, she knew she had played her part. She had never said anything, but Demi had felt her resentment and things had just become strained between them. There were too many things they were both too scared or ashamed to say, too much pressure from Disney, too much time and distance between them to just let it all blow over.
So they had let a little argument blow up into a big one, and somehow that had turned into the silent treatment on both sides, and then one day Selena had woken up and realized she hadn't seen or spoken to her best friend in months. Then she'd got snowed in in New York on Christmas Eve and Demi had walked past her in a hotel foyer and everything just seemed to fall into place. She needed to make things right, she needed to at least have Demi in her life, even if it would never be in the capacity that she so desperately wanted.
“I...” Demi seemed to struggle with whatever it was she wanted to say, swallowing visibly and blinking rapidly as she looked down on Selena. “I've...crap, I've missed you too, okay?”
Selena wasn't stupid, she knew that Demi cared, maybe even as much as she did, but Demi had always wanted approval from everyone. Had always wanted people to like her, to think she was beautiful and special and to quiet the voices that only she could hear that told her exactly the opposite. Demi fought demons that Selena never had to, but that didn't mean she didn't understand, didn't know exactly how hard it was for Demi to admit she missed Selena too.
“I know you have and...” She paused, tugged at the hand in her own until Demi sagged down on the couch next to her, automatically curling her body against Selena's side. “...and I don't need you to declare to the world that you and I are...whatever we are, I just want us to at least be in each other's lives.”
Demi was quiet, thumb circling against the palm of Selena's hand, breath warm against her neck as she leaned into her and Selena knew her well enough to wait. To let her think and process and just be for a second.
“I thought you wanted me, us, to...I mean you never said anything, but I knew what you wanted from me and I was scared, Sel, I was so scared what that would mean for me...and I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry I hurt you, because I never wanted to but I didn't know what else to do. I picked myself over you, my image and career and it was stupid because I've had enough time to realize you weren't even asking me to give it up.”
Selena finally felt like her head was clearing, like the fuzzy blanket of alcohol heavily dampening her senses and thoughts were lifting. She had never admitted to Demi that she wanted her, but Demi had known and felt pressured and had reacted badly to that, Selena understood that now, but she still didn't know what they were supposed to do about it all.
“So does that mean that...that you want me, like I want you?”
Selena noticed how her own voice quivered, but she bit her lip and struggled to keep sudden tears at bay, wanting to keep this discussion as calm and reasonable as possible. She desperately wanted it to all work out after all, even if she only got friendship from Demi. That would be enough for her.
“You know I do, but I suppose part of the problem was that we never talked about it, huh? We just hinted and assumed and then everything fell apart, so yes, this is me admitting it: I want you, I love you, but I don't know if that means I can be your girlfriend.”
Selena swallowed down more tears, her heart stuttering in her chest with disappointment, because as happy as she was with friendship, every part of her heart and soul wished for more. Every part.
Demi seemed to sense her disappointment, because suddenly there was a hand against her cheek, Demi's own brown eyes shimmering with tears as she turned Selena's face toward her.
“Hey, no, I didn't mean it that way, I just meant I don't know if I can do all of this publicly, at least not yet.” She leaned forward, eyes intent despite her obvious fear, and gently lay her lips against Selena's own. It was short, more sweet than passionate, but it left Selena's heart overflowing with love. “I want to be with you, but I need it to be private, between me and you, until I can...”
She couldn't finish, but Selena understood anyway. Demi wasn't ready for everything, but she was willing to do the most important part: be together.
“I'm not exactly ready to jump out of the closet myself, you know? We're only seventeen, we've got years together to figure it all out, I just want us to figure it out together. No Trace's or Dirk's or Taylor's. Just you and me.”
Demi smiled, big and wobbly, and Selena returned it goofily. This was more than she expected when she knocked on Demi's door with nothing but heartache and Dutch courage fueling her. This was everything, it was her and Demi and it just felt right. She looked out of Demi's large window, looked as snow fell softly over the city and pulled Demi tightly against her.
“Merry almost-Christmas Demi, I'm glad I get to spend it with you.”
Demi smiled again, inching her face ever closer to Selena's.
“I'm glad I'm spending it with you to.” She was quiet then for a second, eyes suddenly bright with mischief and joy. “Uh, so...does this mean we get to finally make out? 'Cos you know, I've been pretty much dying to do that for the last year now.”
Selena couldn't really help it, she burst out laughing, ignoring Demi's pout at the action and buried her face in the girls hair. She laughed until her stomach hurt, until tears squeezed past her tightly closed lids and her lungs begged for air. Finally she gave up and pulled away, hand laying itself against Demi's warm nape.
“Oh God, I've so missed you. I just...I've so freaking missed being with you.”
And then they were kissing, more hungry then tender, more urgent than careful. It wasn't at all how Selena had ever imagined their first proper kiss to be, but it was somehow completely perfect. Demi tasted like Oreo's, tongue sweet and heavy against her own and Selena felt drunk again, felt her mind being blanketed as sensation exploded everywhere Demi touched her.
The fingertips against her scalp practically burned her, but in the most awesome way that had her squirming to get herself closer to Demi, led her to tangle her own hands in the girls hair, to torture her the way she was seemingly being tortured. It worked, because Demi did this little growly thing that made Selena's stomach flip and had her pulling away, breath practically tumbling past her lips in heated pants.
“Oh man, we're so gonna do it, aren't we?”
For the second time that night Selena watched as Demi's mouth dropped open, as her eyes almost comically rounded in disbelief.
“Uh, we are? I mean...what?”
Then Selena blushed, buried her face in her hands and wished for a quick get away to China again.
“Ignore that, I think it's the last of the eggnog that was talking there. I mean we've barely sorted this out, haven't probably said half of the things we should have and here I'm trying to, I don't know, get you naked. God, I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't think I'd be such a stereotypical slutty drunk. This blows.”
Then Demi was laughing, much like Selena herself had minutes ago, as she pushed Selena down on the couch and just...sprawled all over her. Selena was not gonna complain about that, no matter how embarrassed she still felt. Hot chick unexpectedly crawling on top of you would have that effect she guessed.
“No, don't be embarrassed, I mean it's not like I haven't thought about it. A lot. Like, more than is humanly decent to really admit out loud, so...how about we go back to the kissing thing and see where that goes? No pressure for more, but no limits either? If we happened to, as you so eloquently put it, get naked together, well, then that's just what was meant to happen.”
It was sound reasoning to Selena's ear, especially since Demi had nibbled said appendage while she made her little speech. So without embarrassment, without doubt or fear, she leaned up and pressed her mouth against Demi's, let her hands wander over her back and under her hoodie, let herself feel muscle and bone warm against her fingertips.
It set her alight, the feeling of skin against her own, the fact that she was allowed to do this, that Demi wanted it just as much as she did. Things escalate from there, because Demi has never been patient and Selena has been so sure of this for such a long time that it simply feels right. It's not like they haven't waited, because they have, for years and months and for a variety of reasons, but now is their time.
So when Demi straightens up and bites her lip, regards Selena with both passion and caution, Selena just smiles up at her and reaches for the zipper on her hoodie, pulls it down and parts the material to run her hands up Demi's t-shirt clad sides.
Demi shivers, Selena grins.
The hoodie is discarded, the t-shirt rather gently removed too and suddenly Selena has a topless Demi straddling her, has breasts delicately held in her hands, has Demi looking at her in such an ardent fashion that she pushes the last of her inhibitions away. She leans up, settles herself against Demi breast to belly, wraps her arms around the slim waist and rests her face against a heavily beating heart.
Selena can't help but take a few seconds to just smile to herself. So this is love, she thinks, and turns her head to kiss soft skin, to feel life and blood and Demi pulse against her lips, and this is love making.
Demi interrupts whatever other thoughts she might have when she runs fingers through Selena's dark hair, when she wraps a hand firmly against the nape of her neck and tilts her head up, kisses her like there's no tomorrow and all the yesterdays before simply don't matter. It's just them, now, together.
“I love you, Selena, in more ways than I have words to describe.”
Then love and lust tangles furiously as Selena is unceremoniously undressed, as her shirt is laid down on the floor and her bra follows suit, as Demi rids them both of shoes and socks and tight pants. Selena isn't ashamed that she might just be crying a little, the good kind of course, when Demi finally settles herself against Selena again, no barriers between them. There's just flesh and warmth and want, there's a sense of rightness and an overwhelming flood of love.
Selena is lost.
Everything thereafter is a blur: Demi's hand at her breast, tongue in her mouth, thigh between her legs, Selena's trembling fingers finding heat and moisture and the way Demi gasps, this pained noise that settles as a warm throb low in Selena's stomach.
What she will always clearly remember is the way Demi buries her face against Selena's shoulder, her whispered words as Selena's surprisingly clever fingers stokes a fire that burns with unbearable heat.
The I love you's, the ragged want you's, the breathless beautiful near the end.
The way that Demi pushes herself up on her elbows, the way she presses her mouth desperately against Selena's, the way her eyes never close, simply burns into her own as Selena feels her shudder. Selena has never seen anything as beautiful as Demi coming, doesn't bother to hide the reaction it causes in her, the way she wantonly works her hips against the thigh still trapped between her own, that it causes her to tip over the edge herself.
Afterwards they're both breathless, bodies overheated and sweaty, but still entwined together. Selena runs her fingers through dark hair, smiles as lips press against the skin of her throat, as fingers hold her infinitely closer.
“So...who'd have thought we'd be that good at that?”
Demi laughs against her, lazily leans back onto an elbow to look her in the eyes.
“Well, we've kinda always been awesome together, haven't we?
Selena smiles, just a little sadly as she thinks about the past few months, about smiling for camera's when her heart was mostly breaking.
“I think we both forgot that for a little while there, but I'm glad to be reminded of the fact.”
When Demi smiles, it's with complete understanding. They don't talk again, they don't need to, just end up showering and crawling under Demi's clean sheets together. Demi falls asleep holding her so tightly that Selena almost can't breathe, but she stays where she is, holds on just as tightly, because even though this night, this moment, has been perfect, there's always tomorrow.
She'd said that she wasn't ready to come out of the closet, wasn't ready to face a world that probably wouldn't understand this, them, but it would happen eventually. She couldn't live like that forever, always hiding such an important part of herself away, but she knew that it might never change for Demi.
The thought scared her, what it would mean for them, but she pushed it away. She glanced at the clock beside the bed, watched red digits proclaim brightly that it was twelve. She sighed as she settled down, tightened her arms around Demi. It was Christmas, she had the girl she loved more than anything in the world beside her and all was more or less well in her world.
It was enough for now, and tomorrow? Tomorrow she would have Demi by her side and she knew that would have to be enough, that she would have to have faith that it would be enough for Demi too.
It had been a horrible idea. A truly god awful, sentimental whim had clouded her judgment and now it was too late to turn back, because her hand, her evil devil possessed hand, had already knocked on the door. Selena felt like throwing up.
For a second or two she thought about running, but her traitorous feet stayed glued to the floor, determinately planted a few feet apart and holding steady. It was a truly sad state of affairs when your own body betrayed you in such a horrifying way, but Selena had very little time to ponder this as the door in front of her swung open.
Her first thought was: Hot. Her second thought was: Crap, run. She hated how her hormones had precedent over her self preservation instincts. Being seventeen was truly a curse for Selena, she couldn't wait to be old and composed and indifferent to girls in yoga pants and half zipped hoodies that clearly showcased awesome boobs.
Boobs would be the death of her, she just knew it.
“Selena?”
She ripped her eyes away from the breasts in question, because awesomeness aside, this was still all kinds of awkward and embarrassing, and she needed to concentrate.
“Uh, hey.”
Not the greatest opener ever, but it was all she got, because it had been months since she'd been in this position, months filled with silence and sadness and unspoken regret, and the ache in her chest at the sight of Demi had kinda caught her off guard. It shouldn't have, but it did. Shaking her head once, and gently scratching fingers over her palpitating heart, she tried again.
“So, I was in the neighborhood...”
She stopped herself right there and bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping unrealistically that a magical hole would open up and funnel her down to, like, China or somewhere. Smooth, Gomez, real smooth. She took a deep breath and looked at Demi again.
“Well, okay, I was in the hotel and sorta saw you getting into the elevator and I maybe stalked your bellboy to get your room number...” That didn't sound right either, but Selena was more or less committed to doing this now, so she pressed on anyway. “And I mean how big of a coincidence is this? Both of us getting stuck in New York on Christmas Eve, in the same hotel even...”
Demi was still unresponsive, looking at her like she was maybe a little nuts, and Selena came to a painful stop. This had been a horrible idea. She was never, ever going to drink anything starting with egg and ending with nog again. Especially if David winked at her and told her it would give her a nice kick. Somehow she'd always known she'd be an incredibly stupid drunk, this had just simply proven that.
“You know what? Forget I was here, I'm pretty sure I will in the morning...”
Finally her body seemed to register her fervent need to flee and she swung around, intently heading for the elevator down the hall. Okay, it had been horribly embarrassing and all, but she was pretty sure it would only be a fuzzy memory in the morning. Alcohol was at least supposed to be good like that. Except there was a hand around her wrist, fingers familiar and warm against her skin, and she maybe froze right there. Warmth crept up her arm, settled firmly in the pit of her stomach and with a shaky sigh, she turned back.
“Are you okay?”
Demi's voice was soft, but before Selena could answer she was distracted by fingers brushing softly across her cheek, their tips absorbing the heat she knew she was radiating. She knew she was flushed, knew that alcohol and mortification played an equal part in causing it.
“No, I'm fine, a little drunk maybe, or, you know, a lot, but I'll be fine as soon as I get to my room.”
Demi's grip around her wrist tightened as her mouth kinda just sagged open. It was a testament of how much Selena had missed her that the sight was still kinda turning her on.
“You're drunk?! You know what, don't answer that yet, just get inside before someone sees you.”
Demi looked kinda pissed off, but she did pissed off hotly, so Selena meekly followed her into her room. She noticed that the t.v was on, a rerun of some Christmas movie she'd probably watched herself before, and then suddenly she was rather firmly shoved onto a couch. She felt herself bounce a little, her stomach swirling rather unpleasantly at the motion, and took a deep breath to settle herself before looking up.
“I miss you.”
The words were out before she could think better of them, but Demi's scowl seemed to lesson at hearing them, so she thought she was maybe doing something right since knocking on the door, and continued.
“I miss us crazy dancing and dressing up and I miss the way you made my stomach tingle when you smiled at me. I'm sorry that we fought, it was stupid and I knew it was stupid, but I was scared, okay? You scared me, you still do, but not having you is pretty much worse than that, so I want us to stop this whole not being friends thing, because I think deep down you want that too. Because we're good together and nothing really seems worth it without you, no matter how hard I try to pretend that it does.”
She leaned forward and grabbed Demi's hand, fitting her fingers easily between the warm digits, squeezing gently.
“Maybe I shouldn't say this, maybe you can't hear it, but I love you Demi and you know I mean it in every way possible. So maybe you can't say it back, maybe you never will, but can't you at least be my friend again? Can't you let me have that?”
It had been boiling inside her for months, ever since Trace and Dirk, and as much as she wished she could blame the downfall of their friendship on Demi, she knew she had played her part. She had never said anything, but Demi had felt her resentment and things had just become strained between them. There were too many things they were both too scared or ashamed to say, too much pressure from Disney, too much time and distance between them to just let it all blow over.
So they had let a little argument blow up into a big one, and somehow that had turned into the silent treatment on both sides, and then one day Selena had woken up and realized she hadn't seen or spoken to her best friend in months. Then she'd got snowed in in New York on Christmas Eve and Demi had walked past her in a hotel foyer and everything just seemed to fall into place. She needed to make things right, she needed to at least have Demi in her life, even if it would never be in the capacity that she so desperately wanted.
“I...” Demi seemed to struggle with whatever it was she wanted to say, swallowing visibly and blinking rapidly as she looked down on Selena. “I've...crap, I've missed you too, okay?”
Selena wasn't stupid, she knew that Demi cared, maybe even as much as she did, but Demi had always wanted approval from everyone. Had always wanted people to like her, to think she was beautiful and special and to quiet the voices that only she could hear that told her exactly the opposite. Demi fought demons that Selena never had to, but that didn't mean she didn't understand, didn't know exactly how hard it was for Demi to admit she missed Selena too.
“I know you have and...” She paused, tugged at the hand in her own until Demi sagged down on the couch next to her, automatically curling her body against Selena's side. “...and I don't need you to declare to the world that you and I are...whatever we are, I just want us to at least be in each other's lives.”
Demi was quiet, thumb circling against the palm of Selena's hand, breath warm against her neck as she leaned into her and Selena knew her well enough to wait. To let her think and process and just be for a second.
“I thought you wanted me, us, to...I mean you never said anything, but I knew what you wanted from me and I was scared, Sel, I was so scared what that would mean for me...and I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry I hurt you, because I never wanted to but I didn't know what else to do. I picked myself over you, my image and career and it was stupid because I've had enough time to realize you weren't even asking me to give it up.”
Selena finally felt like her head was clearing, like the fuzzy blanket of alcohol heavily dampening her senses and thoughts were lifting. She had never admitted to Demi that she wanted her, but Demi had known and felt pressured and had reacted badly to that, Selena understood that now, but she still didn't know what they were supposed to do about it all.
“So does that mean that...that you want me, like I want you?”
Selena noticed how her own voice quivered, but she bit her lip and struggled to keep sudden tears at bay, wanting to keep this discussion as calm and reasonable as possible. She desperately wanted it to all work out after all, even if she only got friendship from Demi. That would be enough for her.
“You know I do, but I suppose part of the problem was that we never talked about it, huh? We just hinted and assumed and then everything fell apart, so yes, this is me admitting it: I want you, I love you, but I don't know if that means I can be your girlfriend.”
Selena swallowed down more tears, her heart stuttering in her chest with disappointment, because as happy as she was with friendship, every part of her heart and soul wished for more. Every part.
Demi seemed to sense her disappointment, because suddenly there was a hand against her cheek, Demi's own brown eyes shimmering with tears as she turned Selena's face toward her.
“Hey, no, I didn't mean it that way, I just meant I don't know if I can do all of this publicly, at least not yet.” She leaned forward, eyes intent despite her obvious fear, and gently lay her lips against Selena's own. It was short, more sweet than passionate, but it left Selena's heart overflowing with love. “I want to be with you, but I need it to be private, between me and you, until I can...”
She couldn't finish, but Selena understood anyway. Demi wasn't ready for everything, but she was willing to do the most important part: be together.
“I'm not exactly ready to jump out of the closet myself, you know? We're only seventeen, we've got years together to figure it all out, I just want us to figure it out together. No Trace's or Dirk's or Taylor's. Just you and me.”
Demi smiled, big and wobbly, and Selena returned it goofily. This was more than she expected when she knocked on Demi's door with nothing but heartache and Dutch courage fueling her. This was everything, it was her and Demi and it just felt right. She looked out of Demi's large window, looked as snow fell softly over the city and pulled Demi tightly against her.
“Merry almost-Christmas Demi, I'm glad I get to spend it with you.”
Demi smiled again, inching her face ever closer to Selena's.
“I'm glad I'm spending it with you to.” She was quiet then for a second, eyes suddenly bright with mischief and joy. “Uh, so...does this mean we get to finally make out? 'Cos you know, I've been pretty much dying to do that for the last year now.”
Selena couldn't really help it, she burst out laughing, ignoring Demi's pout at the action and buried her face in the girls hair. She laughed until her stomach hurt, until tears squeezed past her tightly closed lids and her lungs begged for air. Finally she gave up and pulled away, hand laying itself against Demi's warm nape.
“Oh God, I've so missed you. I just...I've so freaking missed being with you.”
And then they were kissing, more hungry then tender, more urgent than careful. It wasn't at all how Selena had ever imagined their first proper kiss to be, but it was somehow completely perfect. Demi tasted like Oreo's, tongue sweet and heavy against her own and Selena felt drunk again, felt her mind being blanketed as sensation exploded everywhere Demi touched her.
The fingertips against her scalp practically burned her, but in the most awesome way that had her squirming to get herself closer to Demi, led her to tangle her own hands in the girls hair, to torture her the way she was seemingly being tortured. It worked, because Demi did this little growly thing that made Selena's stomach flip and had her pulling away, breath practically tumbling past her lips in heated pants.
“Oh man, we're so gonna do it, aren't we?”
For the second time that night Selena watched as Demi's mouth dropped open, as her eyes almost comically rounded in disbelief.
“Uh, we are? I mean...what?”
Then Selena blushed, buried her face in her hands and wished for a quick get away to China again.
“Ignore that, I think it's the last of the eggnog that was talking there. I mean we've barely sorted this out, haven't probably said half of the things we should have and here I'm trying to, I don't know, get you naked. God, I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't think I'd be such a stereotypical slutty drunk. This blows.”
Then Demi was laughing, much like Selena herself had minutes ago, as she pushed Selena down on the couch and just...sprawled all over her. Selena was not gonna complain about that, no matter how embarrassed she still felt. Hot chick unexpectedly crawling on top of you would have that effect she guessed.
“No, don't be embarrassed, I mean it's not like I haven't thought about it. A lot. Like, more than is humanly decent to really admit out loud, so...how about we go back to the kissing thing and see where that goes? No pressure for more, but no limits either? If we happened to, as you so eloquently put it, get naked together, well, then that's just what was meant to happen.”
It was sound reasoning to Selena's ear, especially since Demi had nibbled said appendage while she made her little speech. So without embarrassment, without doubt or fear, she leaned up and pressed her mouth against Demi's, let her hands wander over her back and under her hoodie, let herself feel muscle and bone warm against her fingertips.
It set her alight, the feeling of skin against her own, the fact that she was allowed to do this, that Demi wanted it just as much as she did. Things escalate from there, because Demi has never been patient and Selena has been so sure of this for such a long time that it simply feels right. It's not like they haven't waited, because they have, for years and months and for a variety of reasons, but now is their time.
So when Demi straightens up and bites her lip, regards Selena with both passion and caution, Selena just smiles up at her and reaches for the zipper on her hoodie, pulls it down and parts the material to run her hands up Demi's t-shirt clad sides.
Demi shivers, Selena grins.
The hoodie is discarded, the t-shirt rather gently removed too and suddenly Selena has a topless Demi straddling her, has breasts delicately held in her hands, has Demi looking at her in such an ardent fashion that she pushes the last of her inhibitions away. She leans up, settles herself against Demi breast to belly, wraps her arms around the slim waist and rests her face against a heavily beating heart.
Selena can't help but take a few seconds to just smile to herself. So this is love, she thinks, and turns her head to kiss soft skin, to feel life and blood and Demi pulse against her lips, and this is love making.
Demi interrupts whatever other thoughts she might have when she runs fingers through Selena's dark hair, when she wraps a hand firmly against the nape of her neck and tilts her head up, kisses her like there's no tomorrow and all the yesterdays before simply don't matter. It's just them, now, together.
“I love you, Selena, in more ways than I have words to describe.”
Then love and lust tangles furiously as Selena is unceremoniously undressed, as her shirt is laid down on the floor and her bra follows suit, as Demi rids them both of shoes and socks and tight pants. Selena isn't ashamed that she might just be crying a little, the good kind of course, when Demi finally settles herself against Selena again, no barriers between them. There's just flesh and warmth and want, there's a sense of rightness and an overwhelming flood of love.
Selena is lost.
Everything thereafter is a blur: Demi's hand at her breast, tongue in her mouth, thigh between her legs, Selena's trembling fingers finding heat and moisture and the way Demi gasps, this pained noise that settles as a warm throb low in Selena's stomach.
What she will always clearly remember is the way Demi buries her face against Selena's shoulder, her whispered words as Selena's surprisingly clever fingers stokes a fire that burns with unbearable heat.
The I love you's, the ragged want you's, the breathless beautiful near the end.
The way that Demi pushes herself up on her elbows, the way she presses her mouth desperately against Selena's, the way her eyes never close, simply burns into her own as Selena feels her shudder. Selena has never seen anything as beautiful as Demi coming, doesn't bother to hide the reaction it causes in her, the way she wantonly works her hips against the thigh still trapped between her own, that it causes her to tip over the edge herself.
Afterwards they're both breathless, bodies overheated and sweaty, but still entwined together. Selena runs her fingers through dark hair, smiles as lips press against the skin of her throat, as fingers hold her infinitely closer.
“So...who'd have thought we'd be that good at that?”
Demi laughs against her, lazily leans back onto an elbow to look her in the eyes.
“Well, we've kinda always been awesome together, haven't we?
Selena smiles, just a little sadly as she thinks about the past few months, about smiling for camera's when her heart was mostly breaking.
“I think we both forgot that for a little while there, but I'm glad to be reminded of the fact.”
When Demi smiles, it's with complete understanding. They don't talk again, they don't need to, just end up showering and crawling under Demi's clean sheets together. Demi falls asleep holding her so tightly that Selena almost can't breathe, but she stays where she is, holds on just as tightly, because even though this night, this moment, has been perfect, there's always tomorrow.
She'd said that she wasn't ready to come out of the closet, wasn't ready to face a world that probably wouldn't understand this, them, but it would happen eventually. She couldn't live like that forever, always hiding such an important part of herself away, but she knew that it might never change for Demi.
The thought scared her, what it would mean for them, but she pushed it away. She glanced at the clock beside the bed, watched red digits proclaim brightly that it was twelve. She sighed as she settled down, tightened her arms around Demi. It was Christmas, she had the girl she loved more than anything in the world beside her and all was more or less well in her world.
It was enough for now, and tomorrow? Tomorrow she would have Demi by her side and she knew that would have to be enough, that she would have to have faith that it would be enough for Demi too.