transfers
A great man by the name of S. Carter (okay, okay, Jay-Z) once stated, "Either love me, or hate me and leave me alone."
That, friends and foes, is a brilliant idea. Makes me wish I would've thought of it.
In the past few days, I've discovered what it means to be hated and disliked and also what it means to be loved, to be truly loved. I've felt the arms of a child around me, understood the deeper meaning behind his "Silly, I wanted to hug you!" I've heard kind words from people who've helped me understand that not all is my fault and that life is too short for bullshit. You'd think I would know this, be reminded of this every time I wake up and every time I finish another session at the doctor's. Sometimes I forget. I may have a weak heart or I may have a strong heart but I wear it on my sleeve and people often have taken advantage of that.
Until now.
When I said I was done apologizing for myself, I meant it. I am done. I'm tired of crying and I was sick of this old broken heart long before I fully knew it.
I know where I stand in regards to myself. I know I can make people laugh and I know I've got a gift when it comes to the arts and I know I'm a walking contradiction. I know I'm a good person, someone who'll always offer her home and heart to those who ask, and even those who don't.
If I am a burden to anyone, let's cut the crap and go our separate ways. In the words of the great Fleetwood Mac, "You can go your own way...you can call it another lonely day."
That said, I am changing my name on here because I am not simply "she," a face without identity. I cannot be compared to anyone in general. I am me and you'll find people similar to me, but never exactly like me.
I took this name from an old Green Day song (and later found it was also an amazing Elvis Costello piece.) In the song, this character keeps her pain inside, lets her thoughts ruin her before she takes action. That is where I've been.
But I am now like the other side of the song, where She discovers that she doesn't doubt herself. "All her doubts were someone else's point of view," writes Billy Joe Armstrong. In the song, She figurately wakes up and smashes her silence. She had enough bullshit and decided it was enough.
I too, am "She," but I am much more than that. I am not a two minute song on an old album and my life will not fade into anonymity.
I am Claudia and I have a story to tell. Anyone willing to listen, I appreciate you wholeheartedly. Anyone else, I believe we're through.
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"-- the brilliant poet Walt Whitman
That, friends and foes, is a brilliant idea. Makes me wish I would've thought of it.
In the past few days, I've discovered what it means to be hated and disliked and also what it means to be loved, to be truly loved. I've felt the arms of a child around me, understood the deeper meaning behind his "Silly, I wanted to hug you!" I've heard kind words from people who've helped me understand that not all is my fault and that life is too short for bullshit. You'd think I would know this, be reminded of this every time I wake up and every time I finish another session at the doctor's. Sometimes I forget. I may have a weak heart or I may have a strong heart but I wear it on my sleeve and people often have taken advantage of that.
Until now.
When I said I was done apologizing for myself, I meant it. I am done. I'm tired of crying and I was sick of this old broken heart long before I fully knew it.
I know where I stand in regards to myself. I know I can make people laugh and I know I've got a gift when it comes to the arts and I know I'm a walking contradiction. I know I'm a good person, someone who'll always offer her home and heart to those who ask, and even those who don't.
If I am a burden to anyone, let's cut the crap and go our separate ways. In the words of the great Fleetwood Mac, "You can go your own way...you can call it another lonely day."
That said, I am changing my name on here because I am not simply "she," a face without identity. I cannot be compared to anyone in general. I am me and you'll find people similar to me, but never exactly like me.
I took this name from an old Green Day song (and later found it was also an amazing Elvis Costello piece.) In the song, this character keeps her pain inside, lets her thoughts ruin her before she takes action. That is where I've been.
But I am now like the other side of the song, where She discovers that she doesn't doubt herself. "All her doubts were someone else's point of view," writes Billy Joe Armstrong. In the song, She figurately wakes up and smashes her silence. She had enough bullshit and decided it was enough.
I too, am "She," but I am much more than that. I am not a two minute song on an old album and my life will not fade into anonymity.
I am Claudia and I have a story to tell. Anyone willing to listen, I appreciate you wholeheartedly. Anyone else, I believe we're through.
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"-- the brilliant poet Walt Whitman