the end of the road has such beautiful scenery
so, today was a good day to start. i got a lot of needed sleep, woke up around 1:30 in the afternoon. i went outside, mowed what i could of the lawn before it started raining. came inside and did the dishes. cleaned the rest of my room, finished laundry. took a shower and shaved. it was just one of those days where i felt like i should do something productive. i waited until my mom got home, had a sub from subway, took off with brows to the mall. got myself a sick nasty new hat and ballin hoodie. went from there to tom's with brows to play some smash brothers brawl on tom's new wii. mid game my dad calls. pretty out of the ordinary for him since it was 9:30 and he's usually in bed by then or heading there.
bam, bad day. my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital for the last 2 weeks. this last trip lasted about 4 days, and ended with tonight. she asked the doctors to discharge her. she wants to go home and just be home. i can't blame her, i hate fucking hospitals. and i hate visiting her all propped up on a bed like some freak show. she is not well. at all. in any form. these next days will be the last days i get to see my grandmother. the grandmother i love so deeply. the grandmother that always told me to keep my face clean so i didn't get acne. the grandmother that slapped the shit out of me when i started failing in school. the grandmother that always sent me letters while i was in the military. the grandmother than always knew what to make for dinner when i would be there because of how picky an eater i used to be. the grandmother that always knew pinching my cheeks was lame but did it anyway and poked fun at how i reacted. the woman that no matter how shitty my grandfather got at times still toughed it out because she was so full of love for everyone she knew. the one person in my family that was always proud of me no matter what i did with my life. whether i was successful in life or not, i was successful in her eyes. i love her. no, love isn't strong enough an emotion to describe how i feel about my grandmother. i can't put into words how completely fucking terrified i am to know that one of these days i could show up at the house in auburn and she won't be there. she won't be there to ask who i am and pretend i'm some stranger off the street because i don't go over very often. i won't walk into the living room and see her pretending to know what's going on with chuck norris on walker. i won't see her there reading her romance novels and talking to herself about who fucked over who. i won't be able to go over and sit with her and watch jeopardy or wheel of fortune and yell the answers at the tv with her. i can't cry. i can't do anything. i can't think. i am going to be devastated. i wish there was a song i could play that would coincide with how insanely terrible i feel but there is no music that could ever emote the same amount of sadness i have. i'm just...yea. i don't want pity, i don't want sympathy. just...know that this woman is quite possibly the most amazing, incredibly caring, and just all around fantastic person i have ever had the pleasure of having in my life. i will never be able to love anyone as much as i love her. and i don't even feel bad about saying that. i just don't.
bam, bad day. my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital for the last 2 weeks. this last trip lasted about 4 days, and ended with tonight. she asked the doctors to discharge her. she wants to go home and just be home. i can't blame her, i hate fucking hospitals. and i hate visiting her all propped up on a bed like some freak show. she is not well. at all. in any form. these next days will be the last days i get to see my grandmother. the grandmother i love so deeply. the grandmother that always told me to keep my face clean so i didn't get acne. the grandmother that slapped the shit out of me when i started failing in school. the grandmother that always sent me letters while i was in the military. the grandmother than always knew what to make for dinner when i would be there because of how picky an eater i used to be. the grandmother that always knew pinching my cheeks was lame but did it anyway and poked fun at how i reacted. the woman that no matter how shitty my grandfather got at times still toughed it out because she was so full of love for everyone she knew. the one person in my family that was always proud of me no matter what i did with my life. whether i was successful in life or not, i was successful in her eyes. i love her. no, love isn't strong enough an emotion to describe how i feel about my grandmother. i can't put into words how completely fucking terrified i am to know that one of these days i could show up at the house in auburn and she won't be there. she won't be there to ask who i am and pretend i'm some stranger off the street because i don't go over very often. i won't walk into the living room and see her pretending to know what's going on with chuck norris on walker. i won't see her there reading her romance novels and talking to herself about who fucked over who. i won't be able to go over and sit with her and watch jeopardy or wheel of fortune and yell the answers at the tv with her. i can't cry. i can't do anything. i can't think. i am going to be devastated. i wish there was a song i could play that would coincide with how insanely terrible i feel but there is no music that could ever emote the same amount of sadness i have. i'm just...yea. i don't want pity, i don't want sympathy. just...know that this woman is quite possibly the most amazing, incredibly caring, and just all around fantastic person i have ever had the pleasure of having in my life. i will never be able to love anyone as much as i love her. and i don't even feel bad about saying that. i just don't.