A Painful Tribute
So it's been a couple of days since I found out about Amanda. Somehow through everything, my heart still thrives to hear her on the phone. My mind keeps playing our playful nights and our sweet moments. I cry myself to sleep at night, thinking that Jen got away with what I worked for. I've been screwed over so many times before that I thought that this was going to last. I think in the end, I hurt myself more then Amanda. I doubt she was expecting me to still hold on to her. We promised each other that we would remain friends, and look at us now. I have this feeling we will overcome this together. Even if it means that it would be us against the whole world, I'm ready to face it. I'm not ready to face life without her. I really love Amanda Lynn Monteiro. My heart always hurts after breakups, but this is the strongest hurt ever. All of my friends tell me to forget about her and move on, but its really not that simple. I just want all of you to sit back and think about this journal. There are people like Amanda Cherie who have seen Amanda's and my conversations. I think you all would understand me more if I just came out and said that I think I found my soul mate. The one who I can't wait to talk to, the one I can't survive without, the one I want to tell I love her, she's the one I want to come home to every night. I'm all wrapped up in her web I can't even think straight. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think it was going to be this hard emotionally. I had to put everything in a box and seal up. Only for an hour later for me to break that seal and read all the lies she wrote me. Her contract, her songs, her feelings, all her lies. Me of all people, I've always been screwed over, why should this time be any different right? I just wish people would put themselves in my position for once. Take the loving pain of a 16 year old trying to survive with the family problems, the relationship problems, the lack of trust, the lack of "real" friends, and finding out the definition of drama. All I ask is for help and in return I get slammed on my ass.
All the times you said you loved me, they were just lies
Lies that I took to my heart, you felt like gold
When you knew I was going to fall for your ways and as one child cries
Another like you laughs in their face because you are so bold
You only look out for yourself, your love is as fake
As the blood running through my internal organs, you play tag
With all the people you date, one day your boat will sink in your lake
You can only get your way half of the time, and as you brag
About how dumb I may have been
I'll never forget your tone
The way you didn't want to be seen
Around the image of me, you wouldn't answer your phone
You played with my heart and I still get the bad end
I hope someday you realize what it is you lost
None of this was my fault, so I could send
You all the love in the world, only at my heart's cost
All the times you said you loved me, they were just lies
Lies that I took to my heart, you felt like gold
When you knew I was going to fall for your ways and as one child cries
Another like you laughs in their face because you are so bold
You only look out for yourself, your love is as fake
As the blood running through my internal organs, you play tag
With all the people you date, one day your boat will sink in your lake
You can only get your way half of the time, and as you brag
About how dumb I may have been
I'll never forget your tone
The way you didn't want to be seen
Around the image of me, you wouldn't answer your phone
You played with my heart and I still get the bad end
I hope someday you realize what it is you lost
None of this was my fault, so I could send
You all the love in the world, only at my heart's cost