She loves me, she loves me not
I've tried to start over, but it failed. My life will never change, it will stay the same. I'll always be hurt, I'll find a way to be accused of cheating, I'll always conceal my true feelings and not let anyone in. I've learned a lot about who I am. I may be gay, but I'm not longer afraid of people knowing that. Trying to move on and leave the past in the past is proving to be a pain. There is nothing I want more than to stay with Amanda, but it's not going to last. Why drag on a relationship that amounts to pain and tears and breaks unnecessary hearts? It's not worth it, I don't want her to cry over me again. After tonight, she lost a lot. Jen took my place for about an hour, she was acting like a shoulder to cry on after we broke up, but we all know that she wanted to be with Amanda. She acts like shes been there through everything and that is messed up, she wouldn't be able to deal with the constant drama of the Monteiro family, they may like her more than me, but she'll never have all of Amanda's heart. That is one thing that I know, I can walk away from this and still have Amanda's heart. It's impossible for her to let go of me, but my heart is locked away in a vault and I won't release it until I'm six feet under. I'd rather be alone then be abused and blamed for everything. I'm not a criminal, I'm not the bad guy, I didn't make out with some girl while we were broken up. But it's all over now, I'm going to try my hardest to reset my life's standards, but I can't promise I'll change, after all, I can't reprogram myself.