done and done
probably should be getting ready for work. im scared to go. i have to take off all of next week, short notice. and im scheduled to work christmas eve night. doesn't work because my family, hard core catholics, we celebrate it big. mo offered to switch to new years eve, and i appreciate it, but i can't do that either because clausen's party is that night, and i'm helping with so much that i'll probably be there all day. sorry mo. so i have to tell them that i can't do either of those days, and im probably screwed and gonna get yelled at. so will i be coming home with a job? hmmm good question. anyone else got a job they know of that wants to hire me?
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot yesterday with being home in dead silence all day. i realized my parents killed so many of my dreams when i was little. "mommy i wanna be a ballet dancer!" "honey, that takes years of training, you've already missed years that you could have been training." "mom, i decided i wanna go to college in boston" "ok then, lets go there and see all the schools you wanna see" ///seeing schools/// "wow, boston college is basically the same as loyola. why don't u just go there" "but i love boston, i wanna go there" "jennifer, we're making sacrifices for you, the least you can do is make sacrifices for us." so i force myself to realize boston is not where i wanna be.
and i trapse across a friends friends list and i find one from a college student in boston, "we went to harvard square this weekend.... this and this restaurant, this and this concert...." i miss my dreams. i miss having something to work toward. now im working toward getting a upass= cta money. visiting with friends home from college this weekend, i wish i had enough ambition that micah does to go to california, or that girl had to go to boston.
off to work for the time being.
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after work i had a ton of homework so i didn't have time to finish. and now i'm beating up the clock for being time to soon go to tech, so i'll just say what i had to, and finish this.
my whole life, i've been told that what i want is wrong. everything that i've worked for, all of my motivation is gone. do i wanna be a psychologist or is that what my parents want for me? all that i know now, is that i want to be with john. but he has his own dreams, what do i have? that scares me. i don't miss how things were with people and places and happenings. i love my friends now, whats happening now. but i miss how things were in the terms of my thoughts and dreams. i don't have any anymore i guess. i'm not so sure.
bob and i had a really good conversation about all this during gym today and it made me think about things. i still don't know where i am at all that so bob, i'd like to continue that conversation, but it really did help.
off to tech now. g'day.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot yesterday with being home in dead silence all day. i realized my parents killed so many of my dreams when i was little. "mommy i wanna be a ballet dancer!" "honey, that takes years of training, you've already missed years that you could have been training." "mom, i decided i wanna go to college in boston" "ok then, lets go there and see all the schools you wanna see" ///seeing schools/// "wow, boston college is basically the same as loyola. why don't u just go there" "but i love boston, i wanna go there" "jennifer, we're making sacrifices for you, the least you can do is make sacrifices for us." so i force myself to realize boston is not where i wanna be.
and i trapse across a friends friends list and i find one from a college student in boston, "we went to harvard square this weekend.... this and this restaurant, this and this concert...." i miss my dreams. i miss having something to work toward. now im working toward getting a upass= cta money. visiting with friends home from college this weekend, i wish i had enough ambition that micah does to go to california, or that girl had to go to boston.
off to work for the time being.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
after work i had a ton of homework so i didn't have time to finish. and now i'm beating up the clock for being time to soon go to tech, so i'll just say what i had to, and finish this.
my whole life, i've been told that what i want is wrong. everything that i've worked for, all of my motivation is gone. do i wanna be a psychologist or is that what my parents want for me? all that i know now, is that i want to be with john. but he has his own dreams, what do i have? that scares me. i don't miss how things were with people and places and happenings. i love my friends now, whats happening now. but i miss how things were in the terms of my thoughts and dreams. i don't have any anymore i guess. i'm not so sure.
bob and i had a really good conversation about all this during gym today and it made me think about things. i still don't know where i am at all that so bob, i'd like to continue that conversation, but it really did help.
off to tech now. g'day.