I Remember...
The times we spent together
All those drives
We had a million questions
All about our lives
Sadly enough, I have experienced my first death on Tuesday, January 27th, 2009. It was my dear father.
The police arrived at our house at 7:30 A.M. and told us the news. Thankfully, it was a closed school day - the rest of the week we had no school - and he died quickly and painlessly. He was running on the treadmill at our 24-hour gym when it happened. Nobody was there, but he was found quickly enough.
The viewing and memorial are over. They happened a few days ago, for which I am glad. It's a very painful experience which I would hope nobody would have to go through. I had no idea I would for a while still.
It's true that the death of a loved one brings out the best and worst of people. My two sisters have been yelling at me constantly. One even had the nerve to say that I wasn't grieving, for I was happy I got to ride in the front of the hearse with the funeral director and my father.
Grief; 2 a: deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement b: a cause of such suffering according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
I believe it should add: beware of crazed members of society who believe smiling after the death of a loved one is a truly sinful expression.
This is true. My sister believed that me cracking jokes with other members of the family was a horrible expression of my grief. However, I knew that my father would believe the world was at an end if I cried in front of everyone. He and I never shared emotions towards each other, and now it certainly would not help me feel better if I started to. If anything, it may make me feel worse for being so cold towards my daddy.
I spoke at the memorial and burial. Afterwards, many people came up to me and said how proud my father would be. While my family broke down at different intervals, I stood up and spoke about the time I shared with him. It's amazing how difficult standing up and speaking can be until you have to do it in front of people at a funeral.
May everyone find comfort in themselves and accept the grieving of others. Just because they do not cry, or do not speak, does not mean they do not feel.