no paradise here
well school just started back up again this week. so no life. here i come! lol. i'm taking 12hrs this semester. which isn't alot, i've taken more before. but i just feel like i'm gonna get overloaded. with the whole taking night classes, waiting tables and the pregnant thing.
some of my friends are very supportive. and i owe them the world for that. and of course, who could forget my family. telling my mom was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my entire life, but now that milestone is over, she is here to help. just like the rest of my family. everyone has been nothing but supportive. but sometimes i just feel like it's not enough...
well if you didn't know journal, i found out josh was married. to that girl in germany. well his first mistake was he lied to me. second mistake was he left and didn't tell me. so i waited for weeks for him to call. and alot of stuff went down since he was gone. he told me he never felt this way about anybody before, and that he doesn't want to loose me. and i told him that he has to change for us to be together. and i just kept asking him why and why he couldn't tell me in the first place. and he said i wanted to sweep it under the rug, so no one would find out, and i could have my life with you.
i'm really not sure what i want anymore. I know I want to go to school. And I want to have a career. But my ultimate wish was to get married, and have a family. Well, now I will have a family sooner than I thought. And this wasn't the right time for it, but I can't go back in time. So I have to make the most of it. I want my life to be with Josh and my unborn child, but things are so complicated it's still too soon to tell. He told me told that he was going down to the jag to get divorce papers, so I'll see what happens.
But other than that I just have to wait. And were taking one day at a time. No one really likes him at all right now. So I just basically keep everything to myself for the most part. And some people that I thought were gonna be here for me, aren't. I told them what I was doing, and it feels like, I'm the one that's getting swept under the rug. These two girls, I've been through everything with, but I guess it's come to the point in my life, is our friendship being tested?
So there is alot of things going on. And I really am trying to just take one day at a time. But it's hard when I think about what my life will be like 5 years from now. The way I love Josh is undescribable, and even though he has hurt me, I can't shake the fact that I do love him with all the pieces of my heart. I can't even picture it, it's like a big black tunnel and I can't see the lights at the end...
some of my friends are very supportive. and i owe them the world for that. and of course, who could forget my family. telling my mom was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my entire life, but now that milestone is over, she is here to help. just like the rest of my family. everyone has been nothing but supportive. but sometimes i just feel like it's not enough...
well if you didn't know journal, i found out josh was married. to that girl in germany. well his first mistake was he lied to me. second mistake was he left and didn't tell me. so i waited for weeks for him to call. and alot of stuff went down since he was gone. he told me he never felt this way about anybody before, and that he doesn't want to loose me. and i told him that he has to change for us to be together. and i just kept asking him why and why he couldn't tell me in the first place. and he said i wanted to sweep it under the rug, so no one would find out, and i could have my life with you.
i'm really not sure what i want anymore. I know I want to go to school. And I want to have a career. But my ultimate wish was to get married, and have a family. Well, now I will have a family sooner than I thought. And this wasn't the right time for it, but I can't go back in time. So I have to make the most of it. I want my life to be with Josh and my unborn child, but things are so complicated it's still too soon to tell. He told me told that he was going down to the jag to get divorce papers, so I'll see what happens.
But other than that I just have to wait. And were taking one day at a time. No one really likes him at all right now. So I just basically keep everything to myself for the most part. And some people that I thought were gonna be here for me, aren't. I told them what I was doing, and it feels like, I'm the one that's getting swept under the rug. These two girls, I've been through everything with, but I guess it's come to the point in my life, is our friendship being tested?
So there is alot of things going on. And I really am trying to just take one day at a time. But it's hard when I think about what my life will be like 5 years from now. The way I love Josh is undescribable, and even though he has hurt me, I can't shake the fact that I do love him with all the pieces of my heart. I can't even picture it, it's like a big black tunnel and I can't see the lights at the end...