(no subject)
I dont even know what to say in this blog. I plan to make it a private such blog, therefor it needs not to make any sense, BUT, I dont know if that's safe anyway.
I'm confused at everyone and everything..
I went to Kat's house after work last night and hung out with her and Rachael and a dumb ass bird named Cluck Cluck (wtf?). We watched blades of glory and stalked Bob's roommate and talked about life..
I didn't go home that night. It didn't really make sense to.. I'd drive an hour and have to come back soon thereafter.. another hour.
Keari is pissed at me for not coming home. I understand completely, I just dont know what to do anymore because we aren't supposed to be together.. but we act like it.. It's stupid.. and we are emotionally still in a relationship but it's not fair to either of us. We still fight about things we shouldn't fight about, and we still get upset at things that dont make sense..
Anyway.. now she's gone and I dont know where she went, and I've felt like shit all day (which is what she wanted), and all i wanted to do was come home and talk about everything and figure this out.. come up with some sort of solution, but.. I guess that's not going to happen.
So now.. I dont know what.
So I am also thinking way too hard about Rachael and how I think she must just think I'm disgusting or not good enough or.. hell I dont know what she must think, but I hate not being wanted. I'm sure that sounds selfish. Why do I find myself attracted to younger people? Is it even worth it? I just want to have a good time.
Whatever, I dont want to think about it anymore.
I'm confused at everyone and everything..
I went to Kat's house after work last night and hung out with her and Rachael and a dumb ass bird named Cluck Cluck (wtf?). We watched blades of glory and stalked Bob's roommate and talked about life..
I didn't go home that night. It didn't really make sense to.. I'd drive an hour and have to come back soon thereafter.. another hour.
Keari is pissed at me for not coming home. I understand completely, I just dont know what to do anymore because we aren't supposed to be together.. but we act like it.. It's stupid.. and we are emotionally still in a relationship but it's not fair to either of us. We still fight about things we shouldn't fight about, and we still get upset at things that dont make sense..
Anyway.. now she's gone and I dont know where she went, and I've felt like shit all day (which is what she wanted), and all i wanted to do was come home and talk about everything and figure this out.. come up with some sort of solution, but.. I guess that's not going to happen.
So now.. I dont know what.
So I am also thinking way too hard about Rachael and how I think she must just think I'm disgusting or not good enough or.. hell I dont know what she must think, but I hate not being wanted. I'm sure that sounds selfish. Why do I find myself attracted to younger people? Is it even worth it? I just want to have a good time.
Whatever, I dont want to think about it anymore.