things that make ya go hmmmmmm
yeah, so i'm going home in about 2 weeks. honestly, can't say i'm excited or not about it. i'm more worried about it than anything else. i haven't been home in about 2 years. i haven't seen my friends in longer than that. i'm not entirely sure when it was. i don't know if we have the same interests, hobbies or even outlooks. i'm sure the things i consider important might just be an afterthought to them. i don't know where i stand pretty much. it's a little scary but everyone has to go in their own direction. they have to figure out what they want or what they are going to do for themselves. they also have to figure out what they want, need and expect from others.
i'm trying to give up expectations. they really haven't done much for me except cause problems. Of course, i'm also trying to get myself ready to see and talk with people on a more regular basis. seriously i don't have much people interaction so i'm sure that i'm going to be in overload and i won't be able to get away from it. so i'm a little worried about being bitchy and short tempered. I'm going to be very busy in about 2 weeks for 2 weeks plus there's going to be drama and undercurrents and overcurrents and who knows what else. i don't even know what types of drama to be on the lookout for. i'm almost current that i'm going to step on toes and do a couple of things wrong.
i would like to think that i'm drama free but i know that i carry my feelings about other people with me. With how they've stayed (or not) in touch with me, with how they talk, write or text to me and again or not. I'm not even sure i know how to talk to them anymore. seriously, what can i talk about, what can i say. yeah i can talk about my vacations, work or what i've been up to. but i can't tell if they're really interested on the phone or if they're just listening to my voice or however they're talking with me. so i'll talk about things that hold some importance to me but aren't really about me. it's easy to hide behind family esp. when they come with all sorts of drama. But sometimes I just don't feel comfortable talking about myself because i don't know if they really hear what i'm trying to say or what i'm waiting for them to ask about. but the sad thing is they never ask. so i don't get the chance to really speak.
things are good though. i've got visions of life and thoughts whispering through my mind. i'm thinking about taking more nightly walks but i've also got visions of zombies dancing through my head. But what bothers me the most is the damn japanese horror movies that i watched. they really play with my head some nights. esp. because i'm living in a house and not an apartment. it can be very bothersome.
i don't know how steven king lives with himself. I promise to have a roommate or house buddy or dog and cat forever after, once i move back to the states. i just have to remember never to get a dog the size of cujo or a cat for that matter. seriously, there are some heifer cats out there.
i have learned something since working at the kindergarden, i will say i'm surprised that i agree with my science teachers of old. Keep it simple stupid. In other words, if you're sad, say it. don't get too caught up in the words and emotions. don't make it into something it's not.
i'm trying to give up expectations. they really haven't done much for me except cause problems. Of course, i'm also trying to get myself ready to see and talk with people on a more regular basis. seriously i don't have much people interaction so i'm sure that i'm going to be in overload and i won't be able to get away from it. so i'm a little worried about being bitchy and short tempered. I'm going to be very busy in about 2 weeks for 2 weeks plus there's going to be drama and undercurrents and overcurrents and who knows what else. i don't even know what types of drama to be on the lookout for. i'm almost current that i'm going to step on toes and do a couple of things wrong.
i would like to think that i'm drama free but i know that i carry my feelings about other people with me. With how they've stayed (or not) in touch with me, with how they talk, write or text to me and again or not. I'm not even sure i know how to talk to them anymore. seriously, what can i talk about, what can i say. yeah i can talk about my vacations, work or what i've been up to. but i can't tell if they're really interested on the phone or if they're just listening to my voice or however they're talking with me. so i'll talk about things that hold some importance to me but aren't really about me. it's easy to hide behind family esp. when they come with all sorts of drama. But sometimes I just don't feel comfortable talking about myself because i don't know if they really hear what i'm trying to say or what i'm waiting for them to ask about. but the sad thing is they never ask. so i don't get the chance to really speak.
things are good though. i've got visions of life and thoughts whispering through my mind. i'm thinking about taking more nightly walks but i've also got visions of zombies dancing through my head. But what bothers me the most is the damn japanese horror movies that i watched. they really play with my head some nights. esp. because i'm living in a house and not an apartment. it can be very bothersome.
i don't know how steven king lives with himself. I promise to have a roommate or house buddy or dog and cat forever after, once i move back to the states. i just have to remember never to get a dog the size of cujo or a cat for that matter. seriously, there are some heifer cats out there.
i have learned something since working at the kindergarden, i will say i'm surprised that i agree with my science teachers of old. Keep it simple stupid. In other words, if you're sad, say it. don't get too caught up in the words and emotions. don't make it into something it's not.