(no subject)
Character: Francesca "Frannie" Vecchio
Series: due SOUTH
Character Age: never specified, but probably early thirties
Job: Data Entry Clerk
Canon:
due SOUTH is that one mountie/cop buddy show set in Chicago, where Constable Benton Fraser, Mountie Extraordinaire, goes on magically realistic and wildly bizarre adventures with his half-deaf half-wolf and his tough Chicago cop partner. Among the cast is Frannie Vecchio, Ray's Fraser-addled younger sister who works as a Civilian Aide at the precinct.
Frannie is what some people might call "plucky"; she's also what some people might call "touching in the head". Other than practically stalking Fraser for most of the series (including that one time she showed up in his bedroom in lingerie), she's also done other plucky/touched-in-the-head things like forcing bank robbers to take her hostage, buying a ridiculously expensive cappuccino machine against direct orders (and expect to get away with it), and talk on endlessly about her bad romance novels.
Aside from her hilarious exploits, Frannie has one very endearing and yet irritating trait: mixing up common words and phrases. Frannie goes beyond simple mispronunciations of bigger words; this is a woman who once got a hardened suspect to break down and confess by endlessly talking about how she's going to make him "spill the jellybeans, sing like a teabird and talk like a puppet".
Sample Post:
Listen, Liz, don't think I don't know what you're going through - believe me, I've been there! The long days, the longer nights, all that time spent waiting for him to turn around and look at you and say, "why, Francesca, you're looking particularly stunning this morning, and the swamp gas accentutates your new haircut very nicely, would you prefer three kids or four" - but he never does, and then one day, whoosh, he's off running around the great Canadian tunders or tenders or something and all you're left with are some old phone messages.
So I know, okay? And every woman's gotta deal with it in her own way - me, I like to get a couple pints of Ben and Jerry's, sit around the house and read some "ladies literature", you know? Maybe later I call the girls, we go shopping and you just give every man you see the ol' stink-nose. Wrinkle your nose up at them, like they stink too much for you. The ol' stink-nose.
But you're just going about this whole thing all wrong. Holing yourself up with a bunch of zombies and purple chimps and kids isn't really going to help - I know you're trying to get over the guy, but this is so not the way to go. Especially not in a swamp! Do you know what that stuff'll do to your face? Nothing good, that's what. I mean, putting mud and cucumbers and strawberries and stuff on your face, that's all clean. It's special mud imported from like...Guam or Spain or something. But swamp? Do you ever see people coming out of a swamp looking all happy and wrinkle-free? It's not a get-away spa, not even with that really warm seal-thing room. This is pretty much the worst place to get away from it all.
That's where I come in. So some guy dumped you, now you're deep in emotional pain and agony and stuff, and you clearly have no idea how to cope! What, Data Entry? Pfft. Puh-leeease, what you need right now is some you-time, Lizzie, and I know just how to do that. Believe me, I've got a lotta practice. Let down your hair! Kick up your shoes! Dress up in your favorite skirt! You need to get out of this hellhole and back into the real world. Find a cute guy and have some fun - like they say, there's plenty of other cuddlefish in the sea! Or lake.
Not that you'd want a cuddlefish from this lake.
And the voting post.