friends forever?
one of the most ridiculous things that i've observed in the past couple of weeks is the strangeness of friendship.
like how does it happen that you meet someone and become friends with them? do you not get that weird feeling where you don't want to call and bother them...but in a matter of a few phone calls it doesn't matter anymore and you would call them at three in the morning if you needed to?
how does friendship fall into that hole where you don't know if it will return? like, when you and a friend haven't talked in a while but you were so close before and you would call them up at a moments notice if something happened in your life. and then that person is in that hole with you, and something happens to one of you and you try to speak as if you haven't left that person for a time...and you only talk to the friend in the hole because they will understand exactly what you're talking about because of something that happened in the past that they were present to witness...
then i got to thinking about those friendships that you have with people you barely know. those really strange ones. like you'll end up at a party, for instance, and one of your friends will be like, "hey andrea, this is ______" and i'm thinking "oh, yeah we know each other...but not really well so why should i even care..." but i do care and only because that's for saving face if you know what i mean. i'm not going to come off like a bitch to someone that i hardly know and who only knows me through like class or something ridiculous like a drinking extravagganza that occured at some random frat house.
and then there are the friendships that i hate the mostest. the ones where you love the person and they were cool when you first met them and its still kinda fun to hang out with them...but they annoy the shit out of you. its hard to be friends with people that are like that. for instance, im friends with a girl who is an alcoholic slut. im not naming names...but anyway, she seriously gets on my nerves especially when she drinks...i havent met a guy that likes her. and people associate me with someone like that...like how bad does that suck... and then im friends with this really sweet and passionate girl. but she comes on so strong and i dont understand why she feels the need to bother me every second of the day. like "hellO!" i have a life. it doesnt always involve you. sometimes i like to be alone. and on those days...i really want you to leave me alone. and dont assume that i want to hang out with you every moment of the goddamn day. its just not my cup of tea...
and so what is the point of being friends with someone that you used to like? please answer me that. i've never understood the facination with being friends with someone you used to like...does it not get hard to be around that person all the time? i know that sometimes i get that small feeling for that guy that i used to like. but what's worse is the ache...and you all know what im talking about when i say "the ache." like when i was seeing this one guy...lets call him...Junebug...one weekend i went away for a soccer tournament...and i was gone for a good three days because we were out for an extra day at school so...okay...but i was in dallas...and he called me...and i suddenly had an extreme ache to see him. i'd never had my body feel like it was falling apart simply because i was away from him. thats when i knew that i liked him...and i depend on that feeling to determine if i like someone enough to persue it the right way. and i know what the wrong way is and most of the time...i do everything the wrong way...its a guilty pleasure of mine... but anyway, i still like to be friends with people that i used to like...except that it sucks especially to see them with someone new. its not like i have the desire to be with that guy again...i dont even want him...i think its mostly about winning...and i think "i had him for a time or two wrapped around my little finger...did i lose that magic?!" so then i think that something's wrong with me.
other friendships that are weird are sour friends...like the "what the hell did i ever do to you?" friendships...and then one day you are just talking to each other on the elevator...very politely you see...and you discover that you don't in fact hate that person as you thought you did. but then you step of the elevator and reality rushs into your face...or in my case most of the time the door...and you suddenly remember why you don't like that person or like to talk to them...and you remember your falling out...and you suddenly are intense with hate...but that sucks too...then you're like "well maybe we grew up and we're past it." sometimes you find out later that that person hates you but you really didnt mean that you hated them...but now you do just because they dont like you. whether its for a good reason or not...that person hates you and it drives you crazy...but then you realize you don't care and you go drink a beer or something similar...
another typical friend that everyone has is the friend from home. now...this friend from home you're cool with...most of the time...and this person is practically your sister or brother (whichever the gender of said friend). this person you'd do almost anything for even if you know they are manipulating you. but pretty soon you figure out that you're both manipulating each other and thus the cycle continues. well...what sucks is that someone will talk shit about your friend from home...and all you want to do is defend but you dont. then you feel like a shitty friend. and then you do stick up for that friend another time...and it was the wrong time to stick up for a friend that treats you shitty.
but one thing i do love about friendships are the beginnings...because from that foundation can come a long lasting friendship full of ups and downs and people getting pissed and people crying and people laughing and people questioning...or from that foundation the fragile friendship that was created could shatter into a million pieces once you figure out that you dont really want to hang out with a slut that ruined your friend's life.
and in those beginnings are the innocent things you say with regards to what they...gasp...might think of you if you speak up...so when the relationship is so delicate you're more careful with what you say and what you do. then after a while you realize you can let down that guard that you thought might be there but you weren't sure. anyway, that wall comes down and then you're left with a raw budding friendship...the ones where nothing can touch you and nothing can make you veer away from that person for even a second of your life. those tend to be the best times. and from that comes a great understanding of each other. sometimes in life people are just meant to be friends. they were supposed to meet. they feel each other in many ways that are unexplainable. and then...it becomes a comfort to see that person on a regular basis. comfort. thats what we're all looking for in the first place.
we all say we're looking for the love of our life...but how many times have we passed up a friendship while pursuing the love? too many to count. instead of seeing that cute guy and thinking that his friend is really nice...why don't you become friends with one of them. friends are there anyway until the end...and they don't hurt nearly as bad as putting your life into a relationship where you throw around words like "love."
like how does it happen that you meet someone and become friends with them? do you not get that weird feeling where you don't want to call and bother them...but in a matter of a few phone calls it doesn't matter anymore and you would call them at three in the morning if you needed to?
how does friendship fall into that hole where you don't know if it will return? like, when you and a friend haven't talked in a while but you were so close before and you would call them up at a moments notice if something happened in your life. and then that person is in that hole with you, and something happens to one of you and you try to speak as if you haven't left that person for a time...and you only talk to the friend in the hole because they will understand exactly what you're talking about because of something that happened in the past that they were present to witness...
then i got to thinking about those friendships that you have with people you barely know. those really strange ones. like you'll end up at a party, for instance, and one of your friends will be like, "hey andrea, this is ______" and i'm thinking "oh, yeah we know each other...but not really well so why should i even care..." but i do care and only because that's for saving face if you know what i mean. i'm not going to come off like a bitch to someone that i hardly know and who only knows me through like class or something ridiculous like a drinking extravagganza that occured at some random frat house.
and then there are the friendships that i hate the mostest. the ones where you love the person and they were cool when you first met them and its still kinda fun to hang out with them...but they annoy the shit out of you. its hard to be friends with people that are like that. for instance, im friends with a girl who is an alcoholic slut. im not naming names...but anyway, she seriously gets on my nerves especially when she drinks...i havent met a guy that likes her. and people associate me with someone like that...like how bad does that suck... and then im friends with this really sweet and passionate girl. but she comes on so strong and i dont understand why she feels the need to bother me every second of the day. like "hellO!" i have a life. it doesnt always involve you. sometimes i like to be alone. and on those days...i really want you to leave me alone. and dont assume that i want to hang out with you every moment of the goddamn day. its just not my cup of tea...
and so what is the point of being friends with someone that you used to like? please answer me that. i've never understood the facination with being friends with someone you used to like...does it not get hard to be around that person all the time? i know that sometimes i get that small feeling for that guy that i used to like. but what's worse is the ache...and you all know what im talking about when i say "the ache." like when i was seeing this one guy...lets call him...Junebug...one weekend i went away for a soccer tournament...and i was gone for a good three days because we were out for an extra day at school so...okay...but i was in dallas...and he called me...and i suddenly had an extreme ache to see him. i'd never had my body feel like it was falling apart simply because i was away from him. thats when i knew that i liked him...and i depend on that feeling to determine if i like someone enough to persue it the right way. and i know what the wrong way is and most of the time...i do everything the wrong way...its a guilty pleasure of mine... but anyway, i still like to be friends with people that i used to like...except that it sucks especially to see them with someone new. its not like i have the desire to be with that guy again...i dont even want him...i think its mostly about winning...and i think "i had him for a time or two wrapped around my little finger...did i lose that magic?!" so then i think that something's wrong with me.
other friendships that are weird are sour friends...like the "what the hell did i ever do to you?" friendships...and then one day you are just talking to each other on the elevator...very politely you see...and you discover that you don't in fact hate that person as you thought you did. but then you step of the elevator and reality rushs into your face...or in my case most of the time the door...and you suddenly remember why you don't like that person or like to talk to them...and you remember your falling out...and you suddenly are intense with hate...but that sucks too...then you're like "well maybe we grew up and we're past it." sometimes you find out later that that person hates you but you really didnt mean that you hated them...but now you do just because they dont like you. whether its for a good reason or not...that person hates you and it drives you crazy...but then you realize you don't care and you go drink a beer or something similar...
another typical friend that everyone has is the friend from home. now...this friend from home you're cool with...most of the time...and this person is practically your sister or brother (whichever the gender of said friend). this person you'd do almost anything for even if you know they are manipulating you. but pretty soon you figure out that you're both manipulating each other and thus the cycle continues. well...what sucks is that someone will talk shit about your friend from home...and all you want to do is defend but you dont. then you feel like a shitty friend. and then you do stick up for that friend another time...and it was the wrong time to stick up for a friend that treats you shitty.
but one thing i do love about friendships are the beginnings...because from that foundation can come a long lasting friendship full of ups and downs and people getting pissed and people crying and people laughing and people questioning...or from that foundation the fragile friendship that was created could shatter into a million pieces once you figure out that you dont really want to hang out with a slut that ruined your friend's life.
and in those beginnings are the innocent things you say with regards to what they...gasp...might think of you if you speak up...so when the relationship is so delicate you're more careful with what you say and what you do. then after a while you realize you can let down that guard that you thought might be there but you weren't sure. anyway, that wall comes down and then you're left with a raw budding friendship...the ones where nothing can touch you and nothing can make you veer away from that person for even a second of your life. those tend to be the best times. and from that comes a great understanding of each other. sometimes in life people are just meant to be friends. they were supposed to meet. they feel each other in many ways that are unexplainable. and then...it becomes a comfort to see that person on a regular basis. comfort. thats what we're all looking for in the first place.
we all say we're looking for the love of our life...but how many times have we passed up a friendship while pursuing the love? too many to count. instead of seeing that cute guy and thinking that his friend is really nice...why don't you become friends with one of them. friends are there anyway until the end...and they don't hurt nearly as bad as putting your life into a relationship where you throw around words like "love."