i only have a few things left, and i hope they're forever. <3
i just don't understand some people.
i spent all of my day today, realizing how immature people are.
4 different people in my life have proven to me that they are completely immature and they have lost all their senses. 4. 4 people that i have been close to. 4 people that i have known and loved.
4 people that i have felt completely either betrayed me, or took advantage of me, or turned on me and acted like fucking asses for their own satisfacion in seeing me hurt.
goddamn it. im not going to stand for it.
i have spend my time on 4 people today that make me want to vomit. i cried on several different occasions today because of these 4 people.
i have been very non selfish, in giving everything i can to these people and having my heart broken like this. and it pisses me off when people call me selfish. i have been before, but im not selfish. but people deserve to be happy, and that is all i have ever tried to be, because i have struggled through so many bad friendships and heartbreaks, and so many bad relationships, and being stalked 3 times... and having my life threatened. i think i have the fucking right to be a little selfish sometimes and try to be happy. and im fucking happy now, and i have people trying to ruin that. trying to ruin my fucking life because they can't deal with me being happy. why? i don't know, maybe because they're not happy... maybe for other reasons i don't know. but you would think someone who knows me as well as these 4 people did, wouldn't try me like that. they wouldn't do something like that to me knowing me. you'd think they would move on, and be ok with the fact that i am finally happy with something and someone. finally... after not being happy for so many years, after not having a good childhood to remember, after not having anything really. you'd think they'd let me be.
i've grown a lot in the past 2 years, and i have matured really fast growing up, because i was just raised that way, because my mom was a single parent, who devoted most of her time and money to my epileptic brother. so i have basically grown up doing for myself. my mom and i are very close, don't get me wrong.. and she has done a lot for me, and we're like best friends, but i have had to help her a lot, and i think that is where me maturing faster has come in..
i had my heartbroken by 4 people today. and 2 of them never intended on doing so, but they did. and im not going to be a dick and hold a grudge against any of them. i still love every one of them. because i think im 20 years old, and i think i have more intelligence and more maturity to be civil, and not talk shit, and cause a whole lot of unnecessary bullshit. i think i have more sense than that. and people can hate me up and down, and curse me to hell, and tell me they can't wait to shit on my grave, but in the long run, i hope they see that i have changed, and i am a better person, and im a good friend.
.
i spent all of my day today, realizing how immature people are.
4 different people in my life have proven to me that they are completely immature and they have lost all their senses. 4. 4 people that i have been close to. 4 people that i have known and loved.
4 people that i have felt completely either betrayed me, or took advantage of me, or turned on me and acted like fucking asses for their own satisfacion in seeing me hurt.
goddamn it. im not going to stand for it.
i have spend my time on 4 people today that make me want to vomit. i cried on several different occasions today because of these 4 people.
i have been very non selfish, in giving everything i can to these people and having my heart broken like this. and it pisses me off when people call me selfish. i have been before, but im not selfish. but people deserve to be happy, and that is all i have ever tried to be, because i have struggled through so many bad friendships and heartbreaks, and so many bad relationships, and being stalked 3 times... and having my life threatened. i think i have the fucking right to be a little selfish sometimes and try to be happy. and im fucking happy now, and i have people trying to ruin that. trying to ruin my fucking life because they can't deal with me being happy. why? i don't know, maybe because they're not happy... maybe for other reasons i don't know. but you would think someone who knows me as well as these 4 people did, wouldn't try me like that. they wouldn't do something like that to me knowing me. you'd think they would move on, and be ok with the fact that i am finally happy with something and someone. finally... after not being happy for so many years, after not having a good childhood to remember, after not having anything really. you'd think they'd let me be.
i've grown a lot in the past 2 years, and i have matured really fast growing up, because i was just raised that way, because my mom was a single parent, who devoted most of her time and money to my epileptic brother. so i have basically grown up doing for myself. my mom and i are very close, don't get me wrong.. and she has done a lot for me, and we're like best friends, but i have had to help her a lot, and i think that is where me maturing faster has come in..
i had my heartbroken by 4 people today. and 2 of them never intended on doing so, but they did. and im not going to be a dick and hold a grudge against any of them. i still love every one of them. because i think im 20 years old, and i think i have more intelligence and more maturity to be civil, and not talk shit, and cause a whole lot of unnecessary bullshit. i think i have more sense than that. and people can hate me up and down, and curse me to hell, and tell me they can't wait to shit on my grave, but in the long run, i hope they see that i have changed, and i am a better person, and im a good friend.
.