Just, Life....
I dont know if the new The Academy Is... song isnt that great, or I'm just growing out of them. Still haven't decided. I didnt like The Fever that much either.
On the other hand, the new FOB is wonderful. I knew I would love it. I've been listening to it non-stop since Monday.
I finally got my permit. God, I am such a loser. I did go driving the other day a little. I am determined to get over my fear, and just do it this time. I cant keep depending on people.
I am feeling so sorry for myself lately. I've been having an existential crisis. Perhaps it is the winter blues. Perhaps I'm just starting to get older and all the things that happen to a girl when she gets older are happening to me. I keep thinking, is this what I am doing with my life? Are Hugh and I going to make it? I love him and I would truly marry him one day. Does he feel the same?
I think my biological clock started ticking recently. I never wanted to have kids. Now I'm thinking about buying a house with a lot of land, and several bedrooms. Thinking of baby names I would like. What I want me wedding to be like. Most of me KNOWS i'm not ready.
All in all I hate myself a little more every day. I've been trying to do stuff about it. I've only been for two days now, but I got a membership to the gym. Still, I come home and cry. Not too sure why. I guess just typical depression. For the most part I am happy. I laugh so hard my guts could split on a daily basis. But in those moments where it's quiet, and I'm in my head too much (which was always my downfall), I break down and cry. I think about cutting a lot again, too. I hate myself for it. Why did I ever need that? Why cant I get away from that? Why am I so crazy?! Most of all, I hate that I have no one to share this with, for the fact that I dont want to hurt anyone I love by telling them this...
Yeah, this didnt really help at all. I dont think venting in this way is working for me. It just makes me question myself more, when I see all those rediculous thoughts right in front of me.
On the other hand, the new FOB is wonderful. I knew I would love it. I've been listening to it non-stop since Monday.
I finally got my permit. God, I am such a loser. I did go driving the other day a little. I am determined to get over my fear, and just do it this time. I cant keep depending on people.
I am feeling so sorry for myself lately. I've been having an existential crisis. Perhaps it is the winter blues. Perhaps I'm just starting to get older and all the things that happen to a girl when she gets older are happening to me. I keep thinking, is this what I am doing with my life? Are Hugh and I going to make it? I love him and I would truly marry him one day. Does he feel the same?
I think my biological clock started ticking recently. I never wanted to have kids. Now I'm thinking about buying a house with a lot of land, and several bedrooms. Thinking of baby names I would like. What I want me wedding to be like. Most of me KNOWS i'm not ready.
All in all I hate myself a little more every day. I've been trying to do stuff about it. I've only been for two days now, but I got a membership to the gym. Still, I come home and cry. Not too sure why. I guess just typical depression. For the most part I am happy. I laugh so hard my guts could split on a daily basis. But in those moments where it's quiet, and I'm in my head too much (which was always my downfall), I break down and cry. I think about cutting a lot again, too. I hate myself for it. Why did I ever need that? Why cant I get away from that? Why am I so crazy?! Most of all, I hate that I have no one to share this with, for the fact that I dont want to hurt anyone I love by telling them this...
Yeah, this didnt really help at all. I dont think venting in this way is working for me. It just makes me question myself more, when I see all those rediculous thoughts right in front of me.