(no subject)
yesterday was my aunt pearl's funeral. it was mentally exhausting, i was supposed to work afterwards, but had someone pick it up last minute cause i felt so crappy. i think the worst part was watching her son. he's always such a happy man, making jokes. and he still tried to be that way, but you could see it in his eyes. his speech at the church brought everyone to tears.
being in that church made me think so much. made me wonder how everyone can believe so whole-heartedly in some story passed down through thousands of generations. it's a nice story, and it really would be great if it were true, but i can't make myself trust in that. i guess that just shows my personality though. i'm so gaurded. people with faith are better people than me, hands down. that's like jumping off a building blind folded, and trusting someone will be at the bottom with a net. i don't know how so many people can do it. i want to believe there's something more to life, that we're not just here to die...but that's something we'll never know until we're dead, so i don't waste my time trying to figure it out.
life is just a circle. yin and yang. ups and downs. i've become so used to it, that nothing ever bothers me anymore. a lot of things go wrong at the same time, and usually i just get stressed and feel helpless. but over the past year or two, i just let it go. i know that when it's that bad, it's gonna get real good soon enough, i just have to bear with it. it's weird that i feel the same in each month. october's definately always my favorite month. i always have the most fun. even though all i've really been doing is working, i've just had a good time. but i know once december hits things are going to go downhill very fast so i want to enjoy thistime as much as i can.
i don't have anything to complain about in my life, and i don't want to take that for granted. a lot of my friends have such crazy stressful things going on, and it's made me so appreciative for what i have.
being in that church made me think so much. made me wonder how everyone can believe so whole-heartedly in some story passed down through thousands of generations. it's a nice story, and it really would be great if it were true, but i can't make myself trust in that. i guess that just shows my personality though. i'm so gaurded. people with faith are better people than me, hands down. that's like jumping off a building blind folded, and trusting someone will be at the bottom with a net. i don't know how so many people can do it. i want to believe there's something more to life, that we're not just here to die...but that's something we'll never know until we're dead, so i don't waste my time trying to figure it out.
life is just a circle. yin and yang. ups and downs. i've become so used to it, that nothing ever bothers me anymore. a lot of things go wrong at the same time, and usually i just get stressed and feel helpless. but over the past year or two, i just let it go. i know that when it's that bad, it's gonna get real good soon enough, i just have to bear with it. it's weird that i feel the same in each month. october's definately always my favorite month. i always have the most fun. even though all i've really been doing is working, i've just had a good time. but i know once december hits things are going to go downhill very fast so i want to enjoy thistime as much as i can.
i don't have anything to complain about in my life, and i don't want to take that for granted. a lot of my friends have such crazy stressful things going on, and it's made me so appreciative for what i have.